Speed of Sue---A Sonic Fanfic Parody
by Beyond An Anomaly
Summary: Wait-so Sonic and friends go to high school, become boy/girlfriends to strangers, and hang out with the resurrected living? What else isn't SEGA telling us? Read to find out...or at least roll your eyes, shake your head and snicker.
1. An Unusually Short Intro!

**_Hey! I don't own Sonic! But if I did, Shadow and I would be married at dawn, Amy would die, Tails would be my personal pilot/butler/chaperone, and Sonic X would have NEVER HAPPENED. Since I don't, however, SEGA does. (Seriously, you don't think I'm that talented and awesome, do you?)_**

**_I do, however, own this stupid parody and the outrageously ridiculous OCs within. If you can't take a Fanfic joke and you're a rabid Sonic fanboy/girl who CAN'T STAND Mary-Sues intentionally made or not, I suggest you back away slowly. Otherwise, kick back with a mug of apple cider and enjoy!_**

**_DISCLAIMER: By all means, I am in fact NOT trying to offend anyone's writing here. These are just several cliches I have come across while reading through one of the most...unique libraries in Fanfiction history. This is meant for comedic purposes only. No insulting, no flaming, no singling out, just laughs. Also, if there are any made-up OCs, places, and other things from my hectic imagination that are already used in Sonic Fanfic-dom, it's coincidental._**

**_Now that's over with...we ride!_**

* * *

Sonic the Hedgehog was sitting alone in his bedroom. No, he wasn't running around saving the day along with countless woodland creatures, oh no. He apparently had too much on his mind...for some reason. No, he wasn't thinking about chili-dogs, or robots shooting at him, or even that Swimsuit Edition he read through over and over again for five hours straight the day before. Instead, he was thinking about...

"High school starts tomorrow!" ...Apparently.

Yes, at conviently the very next day, Rainbow Emerald High School was going to start, and as fate would happily have it, all of Sonic's friends would be there, including that eight-year-old fox who should be in third grade and that immortal emo-esque yet angsty hedgehog that already had the IQ of a rocket scientist and didn't even have to go to college. Yeah, it doesn't make sense, but who cares? Everyone has to go to some school some time, right?

No need to say anything; of course I'm right. I wrote this, dang it!

Anyway, Sonic wasn't thinking of getting ready for school, even though he still had to pack his book-bag, finish his summer reading book report and-wait, what am I saying? Sonic doesn't need to do book reports! He's too cool for those, am I right?

Again. Don't answer that.

So, since Sonic wasn't doing anything else besides thinking of how "sad" it was to go back to tenth or start ninth grade tomorrow, I think that instead of putting something plot-related here, I'll go ahead and skip to the next day...in the next chapter.


	2. Meet the Screwed Up OOCs!

**_G'day, readers!_**

**_Was the intro short? Yes it was! But don't worry! The plot thickens...sort of._**

**_Anywho, enjoy, and thanks for reading!_**

**_-BAA_**

* * *

The next morning, Sonic woke up in his bed. Not like we didn't know that or anything, but hey, isn't it comforting to know that one of the most revered video game characters of all time isn't sleeping inside a prison cell or maybe on a floating raft at sea?

Anyway, Sonic stared at his alarm clock.

"Oh shoot! I'm gonna be late!" he gasped, even though school wasn't going to start in five minutes and school was only a block away. That and he can just run-"I'm gonna be late for the bus!"

...Or, you know, ride the bus, which was indeed gonna be there in less than three minutes.

Sonic rummaged through his closet. He took out a red tie with the emblem of a Chaos Emerald on it, and he also took out some khakis. Who knew that everyone had to wear clothes now?

He hastily got in his school uniform and swung his book-bag over his back which was somehow full of books and such even though he was too busy pondering and contemplating for a couple of hours on his awesome summer with that beautiful girl of his dreams...and high school starting.

Anyway, about the ridiculously crafted OC that took three minutes to create.

She was a pretty rainbow cat, with fiery ember "orbs" and luscious hair that went down to her mid-back. She had a nice figure, magnificent...um...hair, and was also skinny, tall, and just plain perfect to Sonic. She was the smartest, funniest girl that he ever came across...even if they were only acquianted for about twenty minutes. Twenty minutes was all Sonic ever needed, however, to realize that "She's the one I've been waiting for all my life!"

There was just one thing...

Sonic had no idea what her name was.

"Maybe I'll coicidentally see her in high school!"

It was then that Sonic heard the bus pull in right in front of his house; even though buses normally stop at a certain location besides someone else's house. Besides, who knew Sonic even had a house?

Sonic quickly sprinted out of his home and almost jumped onto the bus. The doors shut right behind him.

The driver decided "Hey, I'm gonna just sit here and wait for this guy to pick a nice seat with his buddies, even though we're on a really tight schedule and school will start in a matter of minutes!" Sonic did indeed take precious time to sit down, but like said, the bus driver didn't seem to mind at all.

Sonic took in his surroundings, and I now believe it is my duty as the author of this tale to put in as much detail as possible.

There were a total of thirty-two seats on the mustard-colored bus, with sixteen seats in two rows. The seats were a dark blue color, and some of the seats were ripped on the side and front. Twenty-seven of the seats were filled, with a total of forty students on the bus. These forty students included Sonic's many friends, and they were all ready to head off to school without any further explanation as to why they were heading there.

Sonic observed who was in each seat, until he heard...

"Hey! Sonic!"

Sonic whirled around to see Tails, who was smiling and was as bright-eyed as ever. There was one thing, however...

"Hey Tails," Sonic tilted his head in confusion. "Why are you going to high school if you're just eight years old?"

"Oh! I forgot to tell you!" Tails beamed. "I'm fifteen now!"

Sonic's eyes popped.

"You...are?"

"Yeah!" Tails began to explain. "I aged overnight!"

"You...did?"

"Uh-huh! Cool, right?"

"Wait-how did you...?"

"Ha! Does it matter?" Tails started to laugh spontaneously. "Aging seven years overnight doesn't seem THAT weird, does it?"

"Well, I mean..."

"I HAD to get ready for high school, Sonic! And eight-year-olds have the inability to go to high school, let alone middle school or anything of the sort! Soooo, using my intellect and willpower, I was able to go from a very-well developed and beloved sidekick in the gaming community to a generic fifteen-year-old boy with low common sense whose plain average in everything school-related and talks like a stereotypical skater boy!"

Sonic tried to grasp the information Tails relayed to him.

"...Um..." Sonic cocked an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah, homie-bro-dude-amigo-kahuna-man-pal!"

"Huh." Sonic grinned widely. "I'm glad we're all going to school together! And that does make so much sense!"

"You bet it does!" Tails exclaimed as his two tails swished like a Kitsune's.

"Hey bro, can I sit with you?"

It was then that Tails' smile morphed into an awkward wince towards Sonic.

"Uh...yeah..." Tails chuckled as he bit his lip. "About that..."

"Hello Sonic!"

From Tails' right side of his seat, Cream the Rabbit giggled cutely. Sonic noticed that Tails and Cream were holding hands.

"Whoa, Tails!" Sonic couldn't believe what he saw. "You're goin' out with Cream now?!"

"Heh..." Tails gave Cream goo-goo eyes, as she did the exact same thing. "Yeah..."

"Since when?"

"Yesterday..." Cream stroked Tails' hand.

"And...have you two dated before?" Sonic asked.

"Nope."

"Not yet."

"So you two literally jumped into this?"

"Yeah..."

"Uh-huh..."

"And Cream, aren't you six?"

"What?! Oh no!" Cream laughed, even though it seemed like she was screaming. Well, maybe she was, but verbs get mixed up often, ya know? "I'm fifteen too! Like Tails!"

"Yeah...you sure are..." Tails sighed with his eyes getting wider and wider.

Tails and Cream stared at each other again in silence until suddenly...they figured it would be a brilliant idea to make out in their seat right then and there.

What a great love scene, am I right?

Sonic looked at Tails and Cream...with longing, for some reason. Yet, he soon thought of that cat-girl...that beautifully, craftfully created cat-girl who might as well be called Goddess of EVERYTHING.

The blue hedgehog turned away from the [seemingly] teenage couple and moved on, seeing who else would be on the bus.

It was then that Sonic had his attention turned to...

"Hey Knuckles!"

Sure enough, there was the red echidna sitting next to another echidna; an orange one who was quite pretty in appearance that Sonic indeed recognized.

"Tikal?!" Sonic couldn't believe his orbs. "Is that really you?!"

"Sure is!" Tikal answered as she was carressing Knuckles' cheek.

"But I thought you were dead!"

"Yeah, so did SEGA, Sonic gamers, professionals of storyline analyzing, and anyone who knows of the Sonic series who has common sense!"

"So...you aren't?"

"You got it!"

"Aren't you, like, hundreds of years old?"

"Nope! I was able to throw rationality out the window and proclaim that I'm sixteen!"

Knuckles quickly smiled.

"No. WAY!" Knuckles went out of character, getting quickly excited by Tikal's OOC-ness. "I'm sixteen too!"

"OMG RLY?!"

"YAH! YAH I EZ!"

"ROTFL!"

"LMAO!"

"Why are you guys talking in lett-"

"LOLZ!"

Knuckles and Tikal started squealing, interrupting Sonic's curiousity.

Yet, Sonic wasn't planning on asking Tikal if she knew that Chaos was still dead and Knuckles if he knew that he had a Master Emerald to protect. Sonic, however, shrugged off that actually plot-answering query and continued forward.

Sonic then heard some grunting and wincing. It was abnormal to him, which was enough to make him stop dead in his tracks and make the bus driver wait even longer.

"Um..." Sonic turned to the seat behind Knuckles', which was the scene of the noises. "Shadow?"

Shadow the Hedgehog, who has been known as one of the greatest anti-heroes in history and one of the most popular video games characters of all time was also going to high school.

Was he over-aged? Yes.

Was he already well-developed? Absolutely.

Did he need to go to high school, where he was going to learn a whole mess of information that he already knew that his creator more than likely taught him such as quantum physics and calculus? Obviously not.

Did he have a tragic past and was unbelievably popular in the Sonic community? You betcha.

And that was all that mattered.

So, let's see. Dark, angsty teenagers have been quite popular in pop culture, right? What with vampires and cliche outsiders and such. And pain is usually the answer for these said generic misfits, right? Usually they inflict that pain on themselves...correct?

SOOOOO, what's better than making one of the most beloved gaming characters out that shouldn't be messed with a stereotypical emo? He IS an apparent teen with a tortured soul, after all!

Shadow stared down at the razor he kept slicing against his wrist, as he was wearing a black biker jacket (even though it was still August), a black tie, black jeans, and black shoes on, even though those colored rocket shoes he wore often that enabled him to skate and run/walk quickly were well at his disposal. He then glared up at Sonic.

"What do YOU want, Faker?" Shadow grumbled sexily, because he's SOOOO hot.

"Faker?" Sonic hummed. "I haven't heard THAT name in a while."

"2001 is the new 2013, Faker." Shadow shrugged his shoulders. "Everyone knows that."

"What? You mean Sonic Adventure 2 that was MADE in 2001?"

"That's right, Faker."

"What about it?"

"Nothing about it, Faker. It's just that Faker came from that game, Faker, so Faker is my new name for you, Faker."

"...Why?"

"Because, you ARE a Faker, Faker."

"C-Can't you just call me 'Sonic'?! You know, my name!"

Shadow cut himself with the razor again and again, until he finally answered bluntly:

"NO. Now go away...Faker."

"Hmph!" Sonic was offended by Shadow's rudeness...yet he should have expected that. He knew that ultimate lifeform for quite some time, after all. "No need to tell ME twice!"

Sonic stomped away from Shadow's seat. Shadow, however, quickly whirled his head around and whispered in Sonic's direction:

"I love you..."

Sonic turned back to Shadow's seat.

"W-What?!"

Shadow's eyes widened as he glared at Sonic for a couple of seconds. Sonic did the same until Shadow broke eye contact and slumped into his chair, continually cutting himself...over...and over...without any more words.

Sonic cocked his brow as he turned back around. There weren't many seats open...that appealed to him, anyway. There were actually several seats open, but Sonic wanted to sit next to someone.

A normal high school student, from both personal experience and quick analyzation, has a preference to sit by themselves so they can recline back in their seat, have a proper place for their book-bag, and not worry about dying from suffocation or their lungs being squeezed together by two gargantuan football players who are sandwiching said teenager in between them as the poor, scrawny teen has no choice but to smell their rancid body odor that could make them sacrifice the orange juice and Captain Crunch they had earlier via mouth and digestive system.

Sonic wasn't a normal high school student, however. Oh SURELY our herowas FAR from normal! He was SOOO c-o-o-l and awwwwesommmme! He wants to ALWAYS be surrounded by his many copains et copines. He was slowly losing hope, however. Who would let them sit by him? And who should he sit by?

Isn't your suspense THROUGH THE FREAKING ROOF right now?!

Right when Sonic lost all hope of the existence of a random stranger who would let him sit by them...

"You can sit here if you want."

Sonic turned to see a girl. A beautiful girl who was probably smart. And all-powerful. Did I mention she was a Goddess?

Yes, this said queen of the universe...is the rainbow cat that Sonic met for twenty minutes over the summer that he swore to any and every god out in the heavens that he was waiting for all his life.

He couldn't be happier. And she couldn't be happier. But there was one character-gone-annoyingly-average-and-under-developed-due-to-this-Fanfic who wasn't quite so jovial.

"You'll pay for what you did to me, Sonic..." Amy Rose growled as Sonic sat down next to the supposed love of his life. "You and your sweet cat-friend that I've never met before will pay too..."


	3. You Can Do ANYTHING!

"Um...Amy?" a girl asked who was sitting by Amy's side. "Are you okay?"

"No, Rouge," Amy grumbled as she turned to the white bat, who found it necessary to wear the tightest shirt possible along with gobbed up make-up that can be put into detail on a later date. "I most CERTAINLY am not."

"Um..." Rouge gave Amy a look of uncertainty. "Why's that?"

Amy turned her attention away from Sonic and his gal pal and showed her entire face to Rouge. Rouge's eyes widened and she gasped.

"Oh my gosh!" though far out of the stratosphere of Rouge's character, she cared for the now-not-so-nice pink hedgehog. Why yes, it seems that she cared for something else that was living besides herself all along! "What happened?!"

Amy's eye was swollen and blackened, as a few of her teeth were missing and she had to wear a large bandage around her head where her headband used to be.

"It was Sonic..." Amy mumbled in a depressed tone. "He did this to me..."

"Did...what, exactly?"

Amy stared off into the distance with her good eye. Rouge, like anyone reading this at the moment, had no idea what the heck Amy was doing.

"Um...Amy? Are you..."

"Quiet, Rouge!" Amy rasped. "I need to stare off into the distance before I can explain anything..."

"Uh..."

"It was a crisp, clear Saturday..."

_SUDDEN FLASHBACK MOMENT_

Sonic was running in a field, with Amy chasing him like usual.

"You will be mine, Sonic, my love!" Amy kept exclaiming as she whirled her hammer around aimlessly.

So far, this is the only part of the Fanfic that seems sensible for the Sonic series.

Anyway, Sonic was fleeing for his life, getting as far away as possible from his deranged fangirl.

"G-Go away, Amy!" Sonic bellowed back to Amy, who was somehow able to keep up with him.

Now THAT doesn't make sense, now does it?

"Sonikku! SONIKKU!" Amy squealed.

"And where the heck did you get THAT name from?!"

"No idea! But it sounds cute, doesn't it?!"

"NO! It sounds STUPID!" Sonic replied, wheezing from running so hard...in some way. "And how do you even SPELL that?!"

"Ha! Why does spelling matter, Sonikku?"

"Really? AGAIN with Sonikku?!"

Amy ignored Sonic's comment.

"az lung az we r tulkeng," Amy stated. "speling nd gramer dont mater, az lung az we no wut wer saing"

"What..." Sonic stopped in his tracks and turned towards Amy. "What'd make you say that?"

"well, sonik," Amy grinned stupidly. "speling nd gramer rnt emportent nemore becuz we r tulkeng"

"Uh...Amy?"

"wut? its nut lyke no 1 ez reding dis"

"And...if someone was?"

"wel, et doesent mater," Amy shrugged and rolled her eyes. "ets da storie dat maters..."

Amy hugged and carressed Sonic. Sonic winced.

"OUR STORIE, SONIKKU." Amy blurted out loud, trying to make the moment all the more touching. For her twisted little mind, it was. "HOO KERS WUT NEONE ELZ DINKS?"

"Well...I...uh..."

"kis mee sonikku..." Amy whispered. "itll git uz moar reviows frum da fangurlz..."

"Um..."

Sonic had to act quickly. He didn't want to go OOC and lose his spunky demeanor, but he figured that something was wrong with Amy mental-wise. He wasn't sure what was wrong with her. What was this "bad grammar" she spoke of? And if someone WAS writing this, (and he hoped to the heavens that no one was), couldn't they see all the red and green squiggly lines on their computer monitors to signify the infinite spelling mistakes, atrocious grammar, bizarre spacing, and the awkward arrangements of symbols and numbers that these authors called words that would actually make a ninth grade English teacher cringe in disgust?

And what were these "fangurlz" and "reviows" Amy spoke of? Were they a good thing?

Sonic hoped these deranged "fangurlz" wouldn't use such grammar, and thought that the blue check on their monitor called "Spell Check" could be properly used at their disposal. As for the "reviows"...

Those couldn't be a good thing, neither, especially for a story so poorly written.

Sonic stared at Amy for a few moments and grinned awkwardly.

"Uh..." Sonic's eyes widened. He had the perfect idea. "Okay...I'll kiss you, Amy."

"RLY?!"

"Um...yeah! Sure! Just...uh...close your eyes!"

Amy did so, and as soon as she did, Sonic ran in the opposite direction. Amy stood like this for a couple more hours...

_END OF FLASHBACK (Usually line breaks can be used for this type of thing, but what the heck?)_

"Um...that really explained nothing, actually." Rouge shook her head. "I still don't get where you got that black eye from, along with your lost teeth and wrapped head."

"Sonic did it, I tell you..."

"Really? Did he even touch you during this 'confrontation'?"

"Spiritually..." Amy sighed dramatically. "Yes."

"Wow, I so regret asking."

"When Sonic rejected my embrace of eternal love which was to be sealed with a form of osculation upon his mouth as with mine, my soul was forever bruised by his refusal. My heart was so injured by his hatred, its aching state spread to the rest of my body..."

"Um...uh..." Rouge was slowly questioning Amy's sanity. "That's...descriptive..."

"I feel as though the entire position of my internal being has been crushed due to the lack of romance in my life!" Amy started crying on Rouge's shoulder. "I feel like I am in the dark like blades of grass within the shadows and rays of the setting sun overcast by the new moon with no celestial beings around its invisible aura!"

"W-What are you-"

"Sonic has now affected me in all ways, and now I feel as though I should monologue his bitter hatred towards me to the rest of the world! My hurt! My pain! My anguish! I have sorrow! I have remorse! I weep and bust into tears!"

"D-Don't you mean burst into-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Amy cried so loudly, yet no one seemed to notice. About a couple of minutes later, the bus arrived at Rainbow Emerald High School.

"Thank you universe..." Rouge looked up at the sky/ceiling of the bus with such gratefulness.

The bus door opened and everyone on the bus flooded out. Each and every one of the passengers didn't seem to mind that they were rationally a couple of minutes late due to Sonic's pondering of where he should sit, which took an entire chapter for him to figure out all on his own.

Tails and Cream were the first to get on the bus, and it was quite impressive they were able to even get off the bus, since they were somehow making out and walking at the same time.

Next were Knuckles and Tikal, who were still blabbering away about how much they have in common and how they were easily "soulmates".

"OMGILUVUKNUXY!"

"ME2TIKAL!URDABEST!"

"NOUR!"

"UR!"

Many others went off the bus. Though these characters will never appear again and play no role at all in the story, let's get to know them!

There was a lizard named Charlie who went off the bus. He had orange scales and blue shoes on. He also had braces and a lisp. Charlie had a crush on Jessica the Mongoose, but she was already with Buster the Gazelle who was twins with Charlie's cousin-in-law Susan. Jessica was a beautiful mongoose, who could sing better than her twin sister Mina and sold SOOOOOO many more gold records than her. Buster, however, was a runaway circus acrobat who was also a drug addict, but the love Jessica gave him made him stronger against his addiction. Also, Buster's drug dealer and tutor in everything, Jaxter, was holding hands with Nikki, who was Jaxter's girlfriend who traveled around and happily sold masks for gems.

There were at least twenty more people on this said mustard-colored bus, but even I got confused when writing their background stories.

After these last-minutely made characters came Shadow, who was STILL cutting himself in the same spot while groaning pointlessly. He was more than definitely thinking of the word "Maria" over and over again. He wasn't thinking of his dear, deceased friend. Otherwise, there would be a very touching and heart-wrenching flashback that could even be relevant to Shadow's character and the screwed up plot itself. Instead, Shadow was just thinking of that name and nothing else. It apparently had a nice ring to him.

Next to get off were Amy and Rouge, where Amy growled: "I'm gonna get you Sonic..."

"Geez!" Rouge just didn't know WHAT Amy's deal was. "What happened to the depression you had a minute ago?"

"That remorse has turned into fury!" Amy answered. "I HAVE FURY!"

"You do realize I'm never going to talk to you again, right?"

"T-Talk?! Ha!" Amy giggled like the freak she was quickly morphed into. "Talk won't get us nowhere, Rouge! We must take action against Sonic!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's this 'we' stuff?"

"Well, you ARE my best friend, Rouge!"

"Wait-when did that happen?!"

"You're gonna help me bring Sonic and his generic yet pretty cat-friend down!"

"I..." Rouge sighed. "None of this makes sense, but it seems that I don't have a choice. So...whatever..."

"Really?! You'll help me?!"

"Yeah...I guess. It feels as though someone's writing what I'm saying and making all the decisions for me, so what's the point of being in character here?"

"YAY!" Amy cheered, hugging Rouge. "This'll be great!"

Rouge sneered with Amy's arms clasped around her waist as she had the biggest grin on her face.

"Gosh, I barely talk to you, but I know that you're not THIS bipolar..."

"What was that?"

Rouge's eyes widened.

"Uh..." Rouge bit her lip and quickly shook her head. "N-Nothing, nothing."

Finally, Sonic and the cat-girl left the bus. They were talking and laughing as if they knew each other forever.

"So," Sonic asked the Goddess. "What's your name again?"

The cat-girl giggled sweetly, like the innocent, delicate flower she was.

"My name is Terra Korina Franscena Paultena Krystalia Zelda Purina the Lynx/Cat." she answered. "But everyone calls me Purrfect!"

"Purrfect? Why's that?"

"My creator told me I was!" Purrfect...well, purred. "She also said I was special!"

"Really? That's so nice of her!"

"Yeah! She's also honest!" Purrfect laughed.

Aw...she's so innocent...

Both she and Sonic walked towards the high school, where above the glass double-doors was a rainbow Chaos Emerald.

Under that Emerald was a phrase in Latin which read "Mediocriter nos et vos." All of these students thought it meant something profound such as "WE R DA KEWLEST!" or "WE PWN OTHA SKULLS, BROACH!" when in reality, well...

It's up for translation.

"So," Sonic held Purrfect's soft, model-esque hand. "Ready to head to class?"

"Are you sure we aren't late?" Purrfect gave Sonic a worried look, since she didn't wish to ruin her flawless reputation.

"It doesn't matter if we're late or not!"

"It doesn't?"

"No! Logic's non-existent in times like this...or ever for that matter!"

"Really?"

"Of course not! Not in high school! Grades don't matter neither, as long as we try our best and believe in ourselves!"

"Wow! That's amazing! I never thought of school-life like that before! Yet I guess I don't have to," Purrfect chuckled. "Since I've had straight As all my life, have been the captain of the cheer squad, soccer, basketball, and volleyball teams that had flawless seasons at my past schools, and have also won all the Quiz Bowls, Spelling Bees, and all other events I've come across! I was also the leader of the French Club, Glee Club, and Harry Potter Appreciation Guild, even though I've only seen the movies and never once glanced at the books!"

"Golly, and you were able to keep up with all of that without stressing out?"

"Of course!" Purrfect smiled a pearly white grin. "I just had to believe in myself and I could accomplish anything! Exactly like what you said, which has been a lesson given by several other iconic figures that appeal to children!"

"Wow!" Sonic exclaimed as he and Purrfect walked up to the entrance of the school. "I feel like I'm teaching so many valuable life lessons right now!"

"Ooooh, me too!" Purrfect beamed. "You want to teach others our good morals to the student body in the hopes that we can make these moments in school as cheesy and moronic as possible?"

"Sure thing!"

And so, our hero and heroine opened the double doors, ready for the magic, happiness, and beautifully sickening friendships that lay ahead of them.

* * *

**_Thank you all for reading, and I can't believe this story got 10 reviews! :D_**

**_Gracias for the words of wisdom, praise, and input!_**

**_See you next update, and remember: drugs are uncool, eat your vegetables, put down the console, and friendship really is magic!_**

**_-BAA Productions_**


	4. For Lack of a Creative Name, Chapter 4!

WOOO! ANOTHER CHAPTER! LET'S DO THIS THING!

-BAA

P.S.: I'd like to give a quick shout-out to everyone who loves this Fanfic! It's been a blast writing! The reviews have been very helpful and for some, even hilarious!

Thanks for reading, and enjoy! :)

* * *

"Hey! We made it!" Sonic exclaimed, getting WAAAAAY more excited than one ever should be for high school.

"We sure did, Sonic!" Purrfect the OC-that-is-twenty-times-better-than-yours-ever-will-be agreed with the hedgehog. "High school!"

Sonic and Purrfect stood there as the several teenagers of varying shapes and sizes that are tempting to put into detail bustled through the halls, knowing quite well that they should not be late to class, especially on the first day.

Like said before, these teenagers should, like, totally be put into detail to showcase the several different adjectives and adverbs I know, but instead of doing so since ze ingenious author is feeling quite lazy, let's catch up on the pointless OCs we thought we'd never see again!

Charlie stared at Jessica longingly as she was getting her calculator from her locker. He thought she was so beautiful; almost a quarter as pretty as Purrfect. Charlie was unsure what to do next. Should he convince Jessica that he was better than that lion's game Buster? Or should he just walk away?

Best OC-based summary. Right. There. Take note, young Padawans.

"Alright, this is it," Charlie bit his lip and nodded his head in assurance. "I'M GONNA ASK HER OUT!"

Right when Charlie was about to ask Jessica to go out with him and make this Fanfic become completely OC-based when it should be about the Blue Blur and his grand journey in...public high school, Buster appeared. He and Jessica were talking and laughing, and Charlie's name soon came up:

"So...about that generic and non-important character Charlie...you friends with him?"

Jessica laughed at her boyfriend's comment.

"What?! HIM?!" the mongoose sneered. "HECK no! He's such a DWEEB!"

She and Buster had chortles, even though it was quite unnecessary for them to do so especially so loudly, yet no one turned in their direction. As a matter of fact, the only person that heard that truth was Charlie, who was sad to know that the person he stalked for the past chapter didn't obsess over him as much as he did her. From behind him, Jaxter's girlfriend, who had a bunch of face-wear attached to her book-bag, snickered to Charlie:

"You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?"

A terrible fate it was for Charlie, along with the disappointed reader who really wanted to read about Sonic's shenanigans in high school, where if this happened in reality, it-wait, it wouldn't. Rather, Jessica wouldn't scream "He's such a DWEEB!" in the very middle of the hall, and if she was to call Charlie something of this sort in teenage slang, well...

Let's just say this would go from T to M faster than you can say "Wow. This sucks."

And THAT, kiddies, is how to write a good OC-based story to go with the flawless summary of a hopeless lizard, an unoriginal mongoose, a druggee gazelle, and a random mask sales-woman.

Okay, since the story that has not even a reference towards one legitimate Sonic character is over, let's go back and abruptly see what our heroes are up to!

Sonic and Purrfect, who were logically five minutes or so late for class, were soon the only two people in the hallway. Yes, the hall emptied out that quickly. Those kids at least knew they had a class to head off to...

"Well, Sonic..." Purrfect sighed sadly. "Looks like this is good-bye."

For the moment, anyway. They could always see each other in the halls and-"Yeah...I guess so." Sonic remarked with tears in his eyes.

Sonic bowed his head and closed his eyes, with a tear rolling down. In that precise order, too. Purrfect put the tips of her fingers under Sonic's chin, making him look up at her with large, sad, soulful orbs.

"Oh, Sonic, my love-darling-baby-sweetheart-precious-angel-boyfriend..." Purrfect hummed with a sorrowful tone.

"Wait...you're my-"

Right when Sonic was about to complete his question, Purrfect leaned in and planted a kiss on his face. Sonic felt beautiful on the inside, and even though this is hard for the writer to describe what it feels like to have a kiss with a love interest/partner since she has only kissed a boy one time last minute after watching Wreck-It-Ralph and therefore doesn't have much experience, how's about we go into further detail and add in some fluff? THE FANGIRLS DEMAND IT!

Sonic and Purrfect felt their hearts beat as one. They felt as though they were flying through the air, they were so in love. It didn't matter if they only knew each other for a total of forty minutes! Who cared that it wasn't logical for them to take it this fast? This is Fanfiction; there is no logic anymore...

This. Is. Love!

Sonic and Purrfect, after two minutes or so of that long smooch, gave each other another look of longing, gloom, and whatever other synonym for "sadness" imaginable. Oh, and by the way, Amy saw that. Convenient, too. Her "gut" told her to go out in the hall and see if her absolute love was gonna make out with that cat-girl, and sure enough, there was the Blue Blur smacking some lips against a rainbow lynx/cat's whiskers.

Oh, and remember: these three freaks are still late for class.

Amy, without even considering the many classrooms around that were probably silently doing some work or going over a syllabus written by the teachers of these classrooms that had to be signed by the next day, cried out:

"SOOOOOOOOONIIIIIIIIIC?!"

Drawling out words like this makes the person sound more helpless, thus making the reader feel pity towards them. Unnecessary? Of course it is. But who cares? ITZ DA STORIE DAT MATRS.

Sonic whirled around to see Amy standing there, with her eyes watery and nose sniffly. Sniffly is a word, but don't use Webster's to find that out.

It's The Great Gatsby for this generation; it's long, boring, and pretty rejected by society. So...yeah.

"Amy?!" Sonic sputtered as Purrfect was still in his arms. "What...what are you...?"

Before Sonic was going to get an indirect answer from the deranged pink hedgehog, Amy ran out of the hall, crying. Now, it's kind of up to interpretation at the moment as to where she was heading, but chances are that it wasn't her class...and wherever she was going, it was raining there. After all, nothing says "Oh my God, I just got my heart broken by heaven knows what!" like crying your eyes out in the rain.

Instead of checking on seeing if she was okay, Sonic turned back to Purrfect with a smile on his face.

"Well, I guess this is good-bye...for now!"

"Yep! See you at lunch!"

Why both Sonic and Purrfect acted as though they were never going to see each other again by making out and crying is unknown. Before they departed, however, they made out again.

Eh, better than Twilight.

[insert fancy line break here]

Sonic, being fifteen minutes late for class, strode into his homeroom, looking like he had such finesse.

Wait a minute..."finesse" doesn't sound cool enough for the targetted audience...let's go with "swagger" instead.

"Ah! Mr. Sonic!" the teacher proclaimed in a British accent. Why British? Well, you may not realize it, but ever since the Harry Potter craze, all made-up teachers have become British. It's the only way to go in the education/fantasy world. Everyone knows that. "Tell me, why are you fifteen minutes late to class?"

"Uh...well..." Sonic hummed awkwardly. "Well...you see..."

"Go on."

"I was...um...making out with my girlfriend..."

Everyone turned towards Sonic's direction and gasped. They weren't shocked that Sonic was making out with his girlfriend during class. Puh-leze! Rather, Sonic having a newly announced GIRLFRIEND was MUCH more important to them.

Alright, quiz time! Sonic has just told the teacher that he made out with Mary Sue the Lynx/Cat! Will the teacher send the Hunger Games to Sonic and make him into District 13, make Sonic stand in the Naughty Corner, or...say "Oh! Alright! Since I don't really care for your education that much and am just here as a teacher to make this SEEM like a high school Fanfic, you can sit anywhere you want to!"

Well...let's see!

"Oh! Alright!" the generic yet foreign teacher said, for lack of a better synonym. "Since I don't really care for your education that much and am just here as a teacher to make this SEEM like a high school Fanfic, you can sit anywhere you want to!"

"Cool! Okay!" Sonic exclaimed.

He scoped out the room, where several normal teenagers were actually doing something productive in...whatever class they were in. Sonic then, however, stopped his gazing at a lavender cat and grey hedgehog that beckoned him to them.

"Oh, cool!" Sonic thought; he does tons of thinking during dumb situations, huh? "Silver and Blaze are coincidentally going to the exact same high school as I am! And look! There's a perfectly empty seat right behind them!"

So, Sonic went towards that seat and properly sat down with his respect gained from his classmates due to his heroic endeavours.

...Hmm...nah. How about "street cred" instead? Yeah, that sounds better.

"Hello, Sonic!" Blaze greeted.

"Yeah! Hey Blaze!" Sonic replied. Chances are that they should be doing some work...in school...but screw it. Doing work shouldn't be what students do in high school anyway, so there!

"What have you been up to?"

"Oh...nothing much." Sonic shrugged to Blaze's question. "Just, ya know, going to high school for whatever reason."

"I heard that G.U.N. forced everyone to go to high school. Said it was some 'requirement' for Mobians, or something."

"Um...why?"

"Beats me. Even though I really wish to know myself."

"Okay..." Sonic then turned to Silver, who has his head turned away from the blue hedgehog. "So, Silver...what have you been up to lately?"

Silver smiled and turned his head to Sonic (again, in that order) and answered:

"Buga rushja, thiri yuto mugi shocka!"

Sonic cocked a brow.

"Um...what?"

"Oh, sorry Sonic," Blaze sighed. "You see, Silver and I are foreign exchange students."

"But I thought-"

"Since we apparently just came from a different country instead of different dimensions or, in Silver's case, a different time-line, it's plain to see that he's been having a hard time learning English." Blaze shrugged. "It's only natural, I suppose. It didn't take me so long to learn, but as for Silver...well...

Wait, before we go any further...*click*

There. The Silver Translator is on.

Anywho, Silver's awkward dialect.

"Dontimara, inogari sumi casa!"

_I NOW TALK IN THIS BIZARRE LANGUAGE THAT IS BEING CREATED IMPROMPTU BY THE AUTHOR, SINCE I'M STILL SEEMINGLY LEARNING ENGLISH AND IT'S BEEN A VERY LONG PROCESS._

"Jujysami, qwery dofigu. Chupori sawnei!"

_LIKE BLAZE SAID, EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I REMOTELY KNOW HER, WE'RE SOMEHOW FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENTS FROM WHO-KNOWS-WHERE. SHE GETS ENGLISH JUST FINE, BUT SINCE WE MOVED HERE APPARENTLY A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO, IT'S BEEN A CHALLENGE FOR ME TO LEARN THE LANGUAGE!_

"Fre tyro pourtre dreski!"

_OF COURSE IT'LL TAKE SOME TIME FOR ME TO LEARN, EVEN THOUGH MANY HAVE FORGOTTEN THE FACT THAT FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENTS GOING TO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY WILL HAVE TO LEARN THE COUNTRY'S OFFICIAL LANGUAGE SOONER OR LATER, WHICH MAY TAKE WEEKS, MONTHS, OR MAYBE EVEN AT LEAST A YEAR!_

"Weu jiklo, propetsy gutyro chogu tringy..."

_I USED TO BE AN ENGLISH SPEAKER LIKE YOU, BUT THEN I TOOK A FANFIC TO THE RATIONALITY..._

"Greudopo breki frec druty sol!"

_AND NOW I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING HALF THE TIME!_

"Wrety bnoki vergy pow sugio?"

_DOESN'T THIS JUST MAKE YOU WANNA SHOOT YOURSELF?_

Once Silver was done, Blaze's eyes widened and she chuckled hesitantly to Sonic.

"He's...really happy to see you!"

Sonic grinned.

"Oh, heheh!" Sonic gave Silver a thumbs-up. "Right on!"

"Kulumbi mari, serquoipa dram!"

_THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID, YOU STUPID BLUE SON OF A-_

"Uh..." Blaze didn't wish for Silver to make a logical point to the blue hedgehog. She didn't want to get any revoiws saying "Ewwww BLAISE SUX! ND WHI EZ SILVR TAKING LIK DAT? HES KAWAI DOH! ;DDDDDDDDDDDDD LUV U SILVR! XOXOXOXOXOOOOOOOOO" What would people say to this logic Silver just pointed out? What would Sonic say? Why was she continually questioning herself? She figured, however, that those revoiws were inevitable no matter what she did. People would still find her weird but would find Silver cute, using both the English AND Japanese word to express their feelings towards the grey hedgehog that they believed had ESP.

She had to think of something to at least get Silver to stop talking oddly for the rest of the chapter so the fangirls can at least talk about something different in their infinite revoiws...

So...

"Hey, Silver!" Blaze said. "Wanna make out in the middle of Biology? It seems that the teacher doesn't care!"

Oh! So THAT'S the class they were in. I'm the one writing this thing, and even then I wasn't sure!

Silver thought about it for a moment, until he exclaimed:

"Katamari damacy, drega thufa brevi!"

_THE FOLLOWING HAS BEEN DEEMED UNHEALTHY FOR TEENAGE READER CONSUMPTION. THIS IS NOT A TRANSLATION, RATHER A CENSOR._

_SORRY._

Silver and Blaze started kissing each other in nearly every way a deranged high schooler can possibly imagine. No one, however, seemed to be paying attention. Not even the teacher, as he was too busy drinking his coffee; drinking coffee is indeed how high school teachers get easily distracted and spend all their free time, after all.

Sonic couldn't help but think of his kawai moment with Purrfect in the hall a matter of minutes before...yet his mind soon trailed off to Amy. Amy. The OOC that seems to be the only usable female to put in Sonic Fanfiction. He thought of the way she...looked at him. She had sorrow...and pain...

Maybe he should see if she's okay...

The bell rang, interrupting Sonic's train of thought. At Rainbow Emerald High, classes are only about twenty minutes long.

"Well THAT was a short class, wasn't it guys?" Sonic stared down at Silver and Blaze, who were moaning during their moment of "love" on the dirty marble floor. "Uh...guys?"

There was of course no response.

Sonic rolled his eyes, shrugged, and sighed (...you know) as he walked out of the class. He actually didn't head for his next class, however. Instead, he headed to the one place he could get help. The one place he could take in some good advice about how to handle the situation. He was heading to...

...

...

...

Drumroll...

...

...

THE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR!

Puking plot-twist, Bat-Man! Betcha weren't expecting THAT one!

The suspense is getting better and better, am I right?!

...

...

...Don't answer that.


	5. Important Stuff Goes Down! Part 1

Amy Rose, being the now idiotically desperate twit she was morphed into, was crying…in the rain. Reader, you owe me five bucks.

Anyway, like how I brilliantly predicted, Amy was busting into tears under a nearby hollow in the courtyard. Normally the school's rabid hall monitor squad would catch her and thoroughly escort her to class. And why aren't they doing that at the moment while it's plain to see that Amy is bawling outside of class during the very middle of it?

…

Eh. Good judgment's a meanie.

And what are the odds Amy was crying about how much Sonic abused her in the past? How much of a jerk he was, and how she should forever be with him?

Care to bet five dollars on it? I know I am.

"Oooooh SOOOOONICCCC! You've abused me SO MUCH in the past! Why must you be so cruel when you should forever be with ME?!"

Cha. Ching.

As Amy continually mourned over the loss of both Sonic and her normal, realistic self, she was soon interrupted by…

"Amy."

Amy looked up above her, and found a dark figure in the trees.

"…Shadow?"

Sure enough, there was the ultimate lifeform, perched in the branch above the pink hedgehog's head and still finding the urge to cut himself continually in the same spot. Makes one wonder why his hand wouldn't fall off…

"What…" Amy sniffled. In the rain, remember. "What're you doing here?"

"I heard your crying." Shadow jumped out of the tree unscathed instead of breaking a bone like the average joe would.

"Where were you when you heard it?"

"I was in Civics and Economics."

"Civics and Economics? Isn't that on the complete other side of the school?"

"Yes…" Shadow sighed. "But I felt your hurt. So I had to find you…I asked everywhere, and everyone said that you were heading to the courtyard."

"And no one's gonna drag me back to class?"

"So I decided to come find you here." Shadow stated, completely ignoring Amy's question like what many have done before him with other colleagues of theirs...or in other words, Sonic's friends towards Sonic himself. "It was a long and perilous journey."

"Wow…really?"

"Yes. I had to walk out of the Civics and Economics classroom and exit the Social Studies building. Then I had to take a right and walk the pathway in front of the Biology building and head towards the trailers. I had to walk around each and every one of them until I was able to take the short-cut through the cafeteria. Once I left the cafeteria, I had to turn around because I thought I was leaving the school. So I had to walk back into the cafeteria, walk down the stairs and around a bunch of skaters testing out how many stairs they can kick-flip on along with a couple of teens making out, blocking my way, and now I'm here."

"How many times did you say the word 'walk'?"

"Hmm…about five or six. Maybe seven."

"And you couldn't just use Chaos Control?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Well Amy," Shadow shrugged. "I normally would, but you see, we have to drag this story out as much as possible and come up with anything to tell a story. Literally. ANYTHING."

Amy hummed in thought and nodded, completely forgetting how Shadow just broke the fourth wall.

"Eh, okay. Makes more sense than anything else right now."

"…Does it?"

"What?"

"Um…" Shadow gulped, thinking of how much more OOC the author would make him if he spoke his mind. Maybe she could make him a cross-dresser…or a dolphin trainer with a speech impediment… "N-Nothing. Nothing."

Good, Shadow…the fangirls approve of this, and the angsty amore to come…

"Anyway," Shadow was sure to redeem himself by explaining to Amy as to why he was there, which was sure to make any ShadAmy fan around the world squeal like a stereotypical schoolgirl when she hears any boyband.

Oops, did I give that away? Sorry about that.

Actually…no I'm not.

"I wanted to tell you why I came here."

"Okay," Amy had no idea why Shadow would even bother to go out of his way in the freezing rain just to see her of all people, so his answer just HAD to be good. "Why did you?"

"Well, Amy…" Shadow turned his back towards her all sexy like. "Remember that rose I gave you?"

"Um…oh yeah! Why did you give that to me, anyway?"

Okay…three…

"Amy…I gave that rose to you because…"

Two…

"I wanted to show you that you are my rose by giving you that one…"

One…

"AND I LUV U."

FANGIRL SQUEAL!

"You…do? Is that why you gave me that rose, Shadow?"

"Well, no actually." Aww… "I just found it in my locker and it said 'To: Shady-Wady, From: insert-oddly-named-yet-extremely-hot-OC here', and I didn't have any water. I knew you did though, since you have that pink water bottle made out of aluminum inside your floral print book-bag that you got at Wal-Mart. So I gave it to you. By the way, did you know Mobius had a Wal-Mart? I know I didn't!"

"Wait a minute…school started today…"

"Right…"

"And I got that rose from you last week…"

"Uh-huh…"

"So how were you able to give that rose to me wh-"

It was then that Shadow put his finger over Amy's lips.

"Shh…" Shadow growled. My God, what a steamin' hunk of delicious. "Forget about good judgment for now, my dear…it's a meanie."See? If Shadow thinks judgment's a meanie, than it MUST be! Boy, ain't I smart?

"Think of what the fangirls want, Amy…"

"Uh…w-what do they want?"

"They want us to make out, Amy…"

Amy paused. Making out? That was a PRETTY big step from only talking twice, now wasn't it? Sure was! And she WAS crying only a matter of minutes about how she loved SONIC, after all. So, to show her faithfulness, it would easily be the best thing for her to respectfully reject Shadow's offer, keep her dignity (along with more than likely her virginity at the rate this chapter's going), and continue on the rest of her day in the hopes that Sonic would notice that she would always be available to him in case if his thing with Miss Purrfect didn't work out.

"Sure, okay!" Amy exclaimed. "I'll make out with you, Shadow!"

And the fangirls win again, fainting out of their chairs and not believing their luck on how judgment decided to turn into a saint! THE TEENS GO WILD! WOO!

"Good…" Shadow nodded his head and smiled; his OOC character development made a full circle at this point. "I love you, Amy…"

"I guess I'm kinda fond of you too, Shadow!" Amy agreed.

Shadow and Amy hugged each other, closed their eyes, leaned in without an umbrella and hypothermia instead, and…

"Shadow?"

Shadow suddenly turned around. He couldn't believe who it was…

"…Maria?"

_**?!WTFAMIREADING?!**_

Now THAT'S a good line break.

Right.

THERE.

Bowing is currently the best option to make for one reading this at the moment. Just sayin'.

_**?!WTFAMIREADING?!**_

Meanwhile, back in the inside of Rainbow Emerald High School, Sonic stood in front of a wooden door, where he knocked on it. The guidance counselor's office encounter doesn't get more interesting than this.

Just add the Encounter theme from Metal Gear Solid and this wouldn't be so bad.

Well...eh...

"Um...hello?" Sonic called. He knocked on the door a couple more times. "Mr. Counselor, bro?"

Sonic felt the need to end that sentence with the word "bro" to express his boyish attitude. Well, at least he didn't do so by proclaiming Wizard Swears.

"Uh...yeah?" the voice behind the door answered. "Someone there?"

"Yeah...it's me. Sonic the Hedgehog." Because EVERYONE knows who Sonic is.

"What is it?"

"I have a problem..."

"Wow! Already?" the counselor asked the blue dude with the 'tude.

"'Fraid so." Sonic nodded.

"Someone bullying you?"

"No."

"Wanna switch a class?"

"Nope."

"Concerned that someone you know is doing drugs and/or sniffing glue and/or permanent markers?"

"Well...I'm not concerned about it, but I think at this point, everyone is on drugs...and glue...and markers. People here are just acting so...weird."

Sonic is relatable in this story, huh?

"Eh. I can't argue with you." the counselor remarked. "So...what's your problem?"

Sonic the Hedgehog then came back with the answer that any other OOC would say in a high school setting like this one if they were asked what the biggest problem of their life was at that very moment...

"It's my love life."

The counselor on the other side of the door thought about that for a moment. He had more pressing matters to attend to, like playing Tetris and attempting to beat his landlord's high score. But screw that! This is SONIC we're talking about, here!

So, naturally, instead of demanding Sonic to head back to class...

"It's open!"

Once Sonic walked in, he sat down in the one chair in front of the counselor's desk. Sonic took in the counselor's looks: a green crocodile in his twenties, with headphones plugged in to nothing.

"Wait...Vector?" Sonic found it oddly coincidental that yet another friend of his was at the same high school too. Yet he figured that with all these sudden encounters...he should be used to it by now. "What're you doing here?"

"Oh, I work here now!" Vector the Crocodile reclined back in his chair with his feet propped up on his desk. "Cool, huh?"

"...Why?"

"Let's leave it at the fact that I lost a bet against my landlord and will keep working here until I get a higher score than him in Tetris." Sonic just rolled with it. He didn't have time to ask unanswered questions. "Anyway...what's your problem?"

"Well," Sonic began to explain. "I have a girlfriend."

Vector hummed and rubbed his chin, resting his head in the palm of his hand.

"Does she have big breasts?"

Sonic's eyes widened as he stuttered:

"What?!"

"Just answer the question."

"W-WHY?!"

"Bear with me, Sonic." Vector said. "In stories like this, I'm usually a pervert...and an alcoholic."

Sonic raised his eyebrows; this wasn't the croc he remembered back in the 90's. As Vector's swigged a bottle of whiskey, Sonic continued.

"Anyway...we were making out in the hallway and Amy walked in on it. I'm afraid I hurt her feelings...I wanna make it up to her somehow..."

Vector covered Sonic's mouth with his finger.

"Say no more!"

He sprung up and headed towards his closet. He opened it. Pro to the found!

Vector shuffled through it, not acknowledging the bee and the chameleon inside, who were in the middle of...doing something. What? People like this pairing, right? Anyway, both Espio the Chameleon and Charmy Bee, feeling that their ten years age difference shouldn't stop them from their very sudden attraction to each other, knew that they couldn't do what they wanted while that stingy croc was around. So, they both froze in their place, with their lips puckered and locked in mid-air.

A few seconds passed, and Vector soon found what he was looking for: a long, silver spear. The author would normally put this into detail, but...eh...

Vector smiled and shut the door, which was followed by Espio and Charmy's sighs of relief, along with the grins and hums of satisfaction of many others who actually like this pairing.

"Uh...Vector?" Sonic peered over Vector's shoulder from his seat. "What's that?"

Vector sat back down, taking another chug of whiskey and putting his spear on the desk before him and Sonic.

"It's called the Spear of Sue!" Vector exclaimed.

"Uh..."

"Allow me to explain."

"Well, I don't have a choice." Sonic finally realized his fate in this Fanfic. Twas only a matter of time...

"Correct. Now," Vector began. "With this spear, the one wielding it can stab any canon character in the Sonic series! Once the person is stabbed, they become what are known as 'Mary Sues'; the character will never be heard from again!"

"Uh...what's a Mary Sue?"

Wouldn't he like to know...

"How should I know? Just stab Amy with it."

Sonic once again perked up and gasped.

"WHAT?! No! I don't wanna KILL her!"

"You aren't!" Vector assured with a thumbs-up. "You're just gonna turn her into whatever-the-heck a Mary Sue is!"

"I dunno if I like the sound of that..."

"Well, sucks to have two love interests!" Vector shoved the spear into Sonic's hands as he pushed him out the door. "Now, good-bye, good luck, and get out!"

Right before Vector was about to slam the door...

"Oh! Wait!"

Sonic whirled his head towards Vector, who finished his bottle of spirits only to begin on another.

"Legend has it that if you stab a Mary Sue with it, it will be wiped out from existence liked they were never concieved!"

"But what is a-"

_SLAM!_

Whoa, italicized sound effects look COOL!

The door shut on Sonic's face; he might as well have never entered Vector's office at all, since he was in a lot more confusion than what he started with.

* * *

_**What is Sonic gonna do with the spear? How will Amy and Shadow react with the return of a once easily dead Sonic character? Will Vector beat his landlord at Tetris? Why am I asking you all these questions?! Tune in next update to find out...until then...**_

_**This is BAA. I'm done here.**_

_**Dun dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun dun, DUN DUN DUN!**_


	6. Important Stuff Goes Down! Part 2

**_Hello, fellow readers!_**

**_Thanks for all the reviews! You guys are too cool for them; the advice has helped more than ever and again; some of the statements are hilarious! I currently have a poll on my profile about this story and what you think of it; it would be great if you can take the poll, but...eh, you came for a chapter! So, let's get to it!_**

**_-BAA_**

* * *

"Wait..." Shadow, with all the polt-holes and such, had absolutely no CLUE what was going on at this point. Frankly, who does? Vector DID become an alcoholic pervert, after all. "Maria? Is that seriously you?"

"In the flesh!" Maria Robotnik, the twelve-year-old companion of Shadow the Hedgehog that's been dead since 2001 exclaimed.

"But...how is that possible, though?" Amy asked.

"And..." Shadow didn't even need a second glance to ask... "Why are you a hedgehog?"

Yes, the blonde-haired blue-eyed innocent who could be considered as Shadow the Hedgehog's Primrose Everdeen was indeed alive, even though there are two games out there that clearly show her death in a colorful, clear-as-day cutscene. However, like said, she was now a hedgehog. And again. She was alive.

Pfft. Canon. What a stupid idea.

Now let's get back to high school and see what Maria Robotnik's explanation is as to how she's currently alive...as a hedgehog...while Shadow and Amy are still snuggling against each other like teenage lovers!

"Well..." Maria's now black and wet nose twitched as she stared off into the distance. "It all began a couple of weeks ago..."

"...What began?"

"Shut up. I'm getting to that." Maria didn't even turned towards the two apparently in-love hedgehogs. "Now where was I...? Oh yeah. I was staring off into the distance..."

_SUDDEN FLASHBACK MOMENT _

_(Screw that line break. Italics look too awesome. As a matter of fact, let's just put this entire flashback into italics for no apparent reason. "Whoa, BAA! You're the coolest author EVA! Can I bow down to you?" Yes. Yes you can.)_

_Maria Robotnik, who wasn't that developed but was still quite revered in the Sonic fandom for saving the greatest gaming anti-hero's life, was buried between Komm N. Cents and Eu Neeknuss. She was, ya know, dead. Yup. Buried in the ground. Ain't that awesome?_

_Ha. Of course not. So, let's get to the random teens walking around the graveyard._

_"U DINK WELL FIND HER?" one teen asked the other._

_"OF CORS WE WELL" the other teen whispered as they were walking through the Canon Graveyard. "WE MUST 4 OUR STORYS"_

_"WY DOO WE NEED HER 4 OUR STORYS?" one gravedigger questioned quietly._

_"WE NEED HER 2 B W/SHADO" was the reply the teenage rabid Sonic fan's leader gave. "PPL WELL DINK OUR STORYS R MOAR KAWAII W/HER IN DEM."_

_This made so much sense to the other teens. They didn't know why, but again, not much made sense, anyway. Vector DID become an alcoholic pervert, after all._

_Whoops, did I just say that? And did you just read that? Ah well. C'est la vie and all that crap._

_After about a couple of hours of mindless searching and rambling, the teens soon came across the grave of Maria Robotnik. Using their shovels, hands, and whatever else at their disposal, they were able to dig out her coffin. They opened it. WHOA! INSTENSITEH!_

_Maria's body was inside, and was cold, pale, and lifeless. Because she was dead. Well, she was...until the fans came._

_They did several ritual dances around her opened coffin while singing "REVOIWS! 4 DA FANGURLS! REVOIWS! REVOIWS!" over and over again, along with proclaiming other phrases with such terrible grammar that could only be used by a third grader high off of Pixie Sticks._

_After their little "ceremony" was over..._

_"What the...?" Maria rose from the coffin as if she woke from slumber. "Where am I?"_

_The fans blankly stared at her, wide-eyed and stuff._

_"UH..." one fan hummed. "DED WEE DU SUMTHENG...RONG?"_

_"I NEW DIS WUD HAPN..." another teen tisked._

_"What? What would happen?" Maria asked, confused like the rest of us including myself, and to think, I'm the one writing this shi-STORY! I mean story! Haha, yeah...this is still T rated...yeah..._

_One teen handed the now breathing girl a hand mirror. Maria looked at her reflection...as a hedgehog stared right back. She gasped, screamed, and whatever emotion that comes to mind when one imagines a little kid's reaction when their parents tell them that Santa's not real._

_Oops, I did it again._

_All the teens could do was stare, until one of the screamed to the high heavens..._

_"KURSE U, SEGA!" Well, imagine about twenty exclamation points there, but Fanfiction only allows one. Do they not know of the rage we go through when something we create doesn't turn out the way we want it? Eh, once again, c'est la vie. _

_WHO WANTS TO TALLY HOW MANY FLASHBACKS WE HAVE FROM HERE ON OUT? CAKE WILL BE REWARDED. NO LIE._

"Wait...so you were revived by the fans?" Amy asked Maria.

"Yep." Maria shrugged. "Guess so."

"Well, that's fine by us! Right, Shadow?" Amy was about to commense the making-outing with her ebony and emo love interest. But...aw, you know where I'm going with this!

Shadow's eyes were locked onto Maria's cobalt ones. They stared at each other...and began advancing towards one another.

"Um..." Amy chuckled awkwardly. "Shadow?"

Shadow and Maria blushed at each other, wondering why they were suddenly attracted by each other.

"Wow..." Shadow gasped a little. I would say he was acting more OOC by the minute, but those who have been reading this thing know by now. And my fingers need a massage from writing this fu-FUN story. I'm saving them the trouble. "I can't believe that someone out there bothered to bring you back to life...as a hedgehog!"

"Yeah..." Maria chuckled, no longer bothered by her species change. "Looks like we're the same species now..."

"Yeah..."

"Um...guys?" Amy huffed. "Isn't this supposed to be a ShadAmy fic?"

"Who's Amy?" Maria couldn't take her eyes off the ultimate OOC.

"Ugh! ME! That's ME! Shadow's supposed to be MY boyfriend!"

"Don't you have some Blue Faker to chase?"

"And why do YOU keep calling him that, Shadow?"

"Because he IS a Faker..."

"Faker." Maria stated bluntly towards Amy, as if she was a direct copy of her.

Shadow and Maria watched as Amy scoffed at the rude comments and soon after stormed away, actually heading to class. You may start thanking your god.

"Well, Maria," Shadow growled in the sexiest tone possible. Okay, three... "It looks like it's just you, me...and the devil watching us."

Maria's eyes squinted mischieviously.

"So he is..."

Two...

"Care to make out?"

"Hmm...I'm twelve..."

One and three quarters...

"Right."

"And you're like, over fifty..."

One and a half...

"Yep."

"So people in a regular society could call me a gold digger if I was dating a guy so old..."

One and one eighth...

"So?"

Maria stared at Shadow for a moment, realizing that no one in society really cared what they did. And everyone knows, like teachers with coffee, actions involving "physical" love is the way teens in high school pass the time.

"Hmm..." Maria nodded and smiled. "Good point, Shadow!"

One...

Shadow and Maria the Hedgehog, without much further thought or counting down, made out. Right there.

Fan. Girl. SQUEAL!

They started humming and moaning like the freaks they became, and they soon fell back on the ground, still making out. Making out is indeed a favorite past time in high school.

Everyone knows that.

The two didn't realize it, but they were being watched. Yes indeedy. They weren't being stalked by Amy, a misplaced OC, or anyone of the sort. Rather, it was an old man, around sixty years of age or so, who was by canon law...also dead. And to many, he was. But word on the cementary was that his creation and his grand-daughter were soon to be in an intimate relationship; that news was enough to literally make Professor Gerald Robotnik spring out of his grave at the Canon Cementary. He didn't even stick around to hear James McCloud and Sniper Wolf gasp about how a human girl was turned into a hedgehog in a matter of minutes by a bunch of human fans. Well, all the long deceased characters who heard the news would've told Gerald...if the trampled Goombas and sliced goblins didn't continually interrupt them with their plans on how they were gonna "take their revenge out" on that meddling plumber and his friend Peter Pan.

Gerald hoped to the heavens that the mercenary, attractive female sniper and whoever else spread around that rumor were yanking his chain, but to his terrible luck, they weren't. Thus, being quite shocked by the sudden scene of this make-out by the hopeless hedgehog romantics, he gagged, vomitted in the nearest trashcan, and scheduled an appointment with the nearest help he could find...

...

...

...Shoot! I left my drums at Rainbow Emerald High! Anyway, Gerald was heading to the counselor's office, in the hopes that Mr. Vector could in any way help him get his head straight about all this mess.

Herpy derp derp.

_**?!WTFAMIREADING?!**_

While the mentally astrayed scientist was gagging his guts out in the little genius' room, Sonic was thinking about the spear in his hand. He wondered why no one from administration reported him. Maybe it was because it was his first day and the administration figured that, since he was a new student, he wasn't quite familiar with the rules? Yeah! That's it! I don't feel like coming up with any other reason, so...yeah! That works out PERFECTLY!

"Hmm..." Sonic's eyes were locked on the Spear of Sue, which glistened from the lights that hung above him. In other words, it was shiny. Yay. "Mary Sues, huh? Well, are they a good thing or a bad thing?"

Sonic kept asking questions like this to himself, such as...

"If I DO stab Amy with this, what if Vector is wrong and she DOES die?" or

"What day is this?" or

"What is a man? Is it really a miserable pile of secrets?" or even

"WTFAMIDOING?!"

I be starting trends. That's right. Up and down...up and down...

It wasn't before long, however, until Sonic saw a brown chipmunk with red, curly hair walk towards him. Don't let that stop you from bowing in front of your monitor, though.

"...Sally?"

Sonic didn't even bother asking why his life-long friend as a girl/love interest in the olden days was also in high school. He already asked at least five characters why they were in high school, and he knew how well THAT worked out.

"Hey Sonic!" Princess Sally Acorn exclaimed sweetly, being quite in-character at that moment. Keep breathing. "What's up?"

"Oh..." Sonic sighed. "I'm fine, I guess."

Sally noticed the change of tone in Sonic's voice.

"Something wrong?"

"Well...yes, actually." Sonic took in one, large breath. "I haven't seen Tails, Knuckles, Silver and Blaze in the past couple of chapters...hours...whatever, but have been surrounded by OCs and now have a girlfriend!"

"You have a girlfriend?" Sally asked. "Is it Amy?"

"No! It's this outrageously awesome girl, Purrfect!"

"Oh! So she's perfect?"

"Yeah! Her name's Purrfect!"

"Oh, really? Then what is it?"

"...I just told you. Purrfect."

"Than what is it?"

"I just told you!"

"No you didn't! You said it was perfect!"

"Exactly!"

"So...WHAT'S HER NAME?!"

"I. JUST. TOLD. YOU!"

"Sonic! Can't you just answer the freaking question?!"

"I DID!"

"No you didn't!"

"Yes I did!"

_TWO HOURS OF MEANINGLESS RANTING IN THE MIDDLE OF A HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY THAT WAS EMPTY SINCE EVERYONE WAS IN CLASS LATER..._

Sally pinned herself on top of Sonic, but she actually wasn't thinking of bonding with him. In...out...in...out...

"Sonic," Sally growled. "Why is it so hard to tell me a simple name?!"

"I told you her name was Purrfect!" Sonic sputtered, hoping Sally wouldn't beat him senseless. Princesses CAN do that, ya know. Remember Zelda? Rosalina, perhaps?

"You know I hate teasers, Sonic!" Sally tisked. And who does? Anyone notice this chapter was divided into two parts? "So tell me! If her name is SOOOOO perfect, than what's her name?"

"Purrfect!"

"Sonic," Sally fumed. "You're starting to annoy me!"

"Why?! I just told you what her-"

"I'll give you on the count of three to tell you what her name is..." Sally said with teeth bared. "Or I will go Rosy Rascal on you. One...two..."

Sally's tiny chipmunk claws were bare. They were going to slice through our hero's face if he didn't think fast. Sonic then remembered a forgotten plot device that was in his very hands: the Spear of Sue. He still wasn't sure what it did, but he was about to find out if Vector was right...

He took a firm grasp on the spear and rammed in right through Sally's chest. Shockingly, there was no blood or anything. Sally didn't even wince. Her eyes were just wide. And big. And blue. And wide. Sonic had a confused expression as he slowly pulled the spear out.

"Um...Sally?" Sonic asked gently. "Are you...okay?"

Once Sonic pulled out the spear, he noticed something: he stabbed Sally with the opposite end of the spear. He wondered what THAT meant.

Sally nearly collapsed in Sonic's arms, with her eyes suddenly closed and no breaths let out. That is, until her eyelids sprung open and quickly shoved Sonic off of her. It caught the hedgehog by surprise, as he nearly fell over.

"Ewww, Sonic!" Sally scoffed as he nose scrunched up. "Were you SERIOUSLY trying to do it with me?"

"Wait...WHAT?!" Sonic was baffled. As usual.

"Ugh! I don't have time for your company, anyway! Especially not with love crazy freaks like YOU!" Sally slapped Sonic across the face. Why? She became the popular broach at school within that very minute of Sonic stabbing her with the opposite end of the spear. Simple as that. And like she said, she didn't have time to mingle with commoners.

Ain't nobody got time for that. Not even good girls gone bad like Sally Acorn.

"Whoa!" Sonic felt the redness on his cheek. "What happened to you?!"

Sally clopped off in her high heels that suddenly morphed from the boots on her feet. She was also swinging around her designer hand-bag, her crazy expensive sunglasses, and makeup and stuff.

Sonic couldn't help but take a closer look at the spear. He just turned Sally into the most evil female in all of history within R.E. High School just by stabbing her with the opposite end of his spear! Great Gatsby! What could be an even better plot-twist?!

"Sonic the Hedgehog..." the inter-com stated. "Please report to Principal Eggman."

Sonic's eyes...you know. He was shocked.

"Wait..." Sonic gasped and stared at the ceiling. "EGGMAN?!"

"Uh..." the inter-com hesitated. "Yeah. Get there right away."

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUN!


	7. Nothing Important Is Happening! Ya Mad?

**_Well, hello readers! Been a while, huh? Sorry 'bout that. I've been at several play practices at my school and they've been exhausting, not to mention HOURS long and-wait, you wanted a chapter, not a short story, right? Well, alright! Here it is! Enjoy!_**

**_-BAA_**

* * *

Tails and Knuckles were sitting at their lunch table at Rainbow Emerald High School, where they were waiting for their other friends to arrive.

Oh, what's that? You were expecting me to tell you about Sonic since I left behind that crazy plot-twist last chapter, stating that the evil Dr. Eggman was the principal of Rainbow Emerald High?

Well, guess what! I got lazy, so you're getting a fluffy yet amusing-to-me chapter about Sonic's other friends that we last mentioned a couple of chapters ago making out and going OOC!

Take THAT, intuitive readers!

TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

"Hey, Knuckles?" Tails asked as he was eating a sandwich. They're all the rage in high school, and going hipster is too mainstream nowadays.

"Yeah?" Knuckles replied with food in his mouth. The potato salad and grilled chicken within his mouth didn't seem to affect his speech, however. For you see, in the wonderful world of Sonic Land, everyone ignores everything their mothers and other authority ever scolded them about, such as using manners like holding doors open for old people and in this case, chewing with their mouths open.

Lucky Knuckles.

Along with making out and showing other forms of PDA.

Lucky everyone.

"Have you seen Jaxter around?" Tails asked the echidna.

"Um…" Knuckles tapped his fingers on the table. What's that? You cry that he ain't got no fingers? Well, he evolved them over the past three chapters. So there. Take THAT, science! "Who's Jaxter?"

Tails leaned in towards Knuckles and whispered:

"Can you keep a secret?"

Knuckles' eyes widened. I guess I COULD use a different phrase to express shock, but my excuse is that my calves are on fire from dancing the Spanish Panic about twenty times since January. That actually DOES affect my head…

Actually, no it doesn't. That was just my first and only excuse I could come up with for this boss writing.

"Oh my God…" Knuckles gasped. "Tails…"

"What?" Tails tilted his head in…perplexity. There. Happy, thesaurus-using advocates?

"Does Cream know?"

"About...you…" Knuckles shook his head as his luscious dreadlocks glistened against the ceiling lights. Were they shiny? No. But fangirls still like terms like "luscious" to describe their fictional love interest's physical features.

Don't worry, ladies. I'll get more into Cloud's rock-hard abs and N's sensitive heart later.

"Me…what?"

"Tails…" Knuckles said. Take THAT, thesaurus-using advocates! "Are you…gay?"

"W-WHAT?! No!" Tails sputtered. "Knuckles, what'd make you think that?!"

"You were a male and had a secret about a guy you knew, Tails…" Knuckles replied softly. "That was all there was to assume in a Fanfic like this one…"

"Well…no. I'm not gay." Tails sighed, even though it seemed like he, the seven-years-older-than-the-usual-canon-version-of-himself, seemed like he had something to hide… "Jaxter's my…drug dealer, Knuckles. I've had an addiction to a generic drug for the past three months now. I've tried everything to stop the addiction, but no matter what I do, I can't stop taking it! So Jaxter's been my personal drug dealer recently."

"Oh." Knuckles groaned at the anti-climatic announcement.

"What?" Tails huffed. "Do you not care?"

"Tails, haven't you heard?"

"Heard what?"

"Well," Knuckles shrugged. "Since this Fanfic began, we were all high on something. In fact, we still are. I mean, why do you think you and Cream have been all over each other?"

"Because…the author likes this pairing?"

Yeah. I like "Tailseam". I also like Wave and Espio together, so I might just make them make out later; even though I've been told that pairing would never work, I'll find a way.

Now, has anyone seen Big anywhere? I scheduled a blind date for him with Purrfect's cousin's twin's daughter's friend's butler's neighbor's sister at eight over at Outback. They'd be only too kawaii together.

"Well, yeah." Knuckles shook his head, rolling his eyes as he thought of a deranged, female high-schooler who went through obsessions faster than a rocket scientist going through puzzles on the backs of kid's menus...with Sonic being an exception. "But it's not just the PMAs, Tails. The weird people roaming around that we've never met before, like Jaxter. How did you two become such good friends all of a sudden?"

"Never said we were friends, Knuxy." Tails gave Knuckles the creative nickname in a matter of seconds. Ain't it amazing what a Fanficiton author can do to a once brilliantly bright character's intellect?

And THAT is why Otacon can't do long division anymore.

Take THAT, Metal Gear Solid die-hards!

And yes, before you say anything, I in fact AM trying to get on everyone's hate-list.

TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL !

"Right, but how did he suddenly become your drug dealer, Tails?"

"He just…did?"

"Because he's intoxicated!"

"Well duh! He's a drug dealer!"

"It's more than that, Tails!" Knuckles nearly shouted, even though no one seemed to hear him. EVEN IF IT WAS IN ALL CAPS, IT WOULDN'T MATTER AT ALL. "There's something that's affecting us! ALL of us!"

"The author's writing skills and plot-devices, along with our popularity?"

"Wait..." Knuckles hummed. Was he onto something? "You could be onto something, Tails..."

Or Tails. Tails could be onto something.

Both Tails and Knuckles thought about the possibilities for a moment. Writing skills…plot-devices…popularity…this couldn't just be a drug…

It could be a person…

It could be me…with the bizarre OCs, lack of explanations, awkward dialogue, and overall randomness, along with all the ridiculous things I've put Sonic and Co. through.

Wait…what am I saying? It's not MY fault!

I wrote this, dang it! My writing's too purr-I mean, perfect.

Wow! What a great scenario Tails and Knuckles are in right now! Thinking of why everyone's been acting so different! This could take this story to a whole new level: a level of suspense, mystery, action, and adventure! It could leave readers guessing what the cause of all this hugabaloo is, as they wait in anticipation for the next chapter of the epic quest of the fox and echidna that attempt to bring peace to the universe and assure hakuna matata for the rest of Sonic Land!

Amazing, huh? What's gonna happen next…?

Well, let's see!

"So, anyway, Knuckles," Tails got back in his regular position. "How has your day been so far?"

"Oh, pretty good! I have gym next period; everyone's gonna be signing up for a sport to try out for."

"Really? That's so crazy! I have gym next too!"

"OMGRLY?!"

"Yeah!"

"WWWHHHOOOAAA!"

"AWESOME!"

Both Tails and Knuckles did a flippin' cool handshake, afterwards getting back to their lunch and virtually forgetting how in-depth their conversation once was.

Yep. I destroyed yet another beautiful plot-line.

Troll de yoll de TROLOLOLOLOLOL.

**_?!WTFAMIREADING?!_**

Not like Tails cared anymore, but where was Jaxter? Well, not like you care at all neither, but he was walking with Nikki down the halls. They later decided to do some hard-core PMA, holding hands and giggling profusely, later on making out in the courtyard where Shadow and Maria were frenching after two hours or so under a tree.

As this was happening, a small, twisted ol' song began to play as someone else was spying the teenage OC couple. No, it wasn't Gerald, or a pervert, or someone insane…

Well, actually, it WAS someone insane: a red-headed man, with a purple cover-all and a permanent smile, stared at the dumbly lovestruck fools who were…being M rated. Still rated T, remember.

The man kept his focus on Nikki, whom he seemed to detest. He spent forever working on his character! And for what?! This…this poser to walk in and steal his epic mask-selling abilities along with his smiling? And what did she say in Chapter 4?

_"You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?"_

That was his quote! His! Quote! Oh…that was it…

"You will pay for your lack of uniqueness, random OC girl…" the Happy Mask Salesman growled at his poser as his smile couldn't go away. "You and your generic boyfriend will pay too…"

Yeah. The HMS is in this story now, even though he has nothing to do with Sonic at all.

You're welcome, Legend of Zelda fans. Entries on four different hit-lists just seemed to be enough for one day.

Now let's get back to REHS' cafeteria, where Sonic's other friends are hangin' and chillin' and all that type o' stuff.

**_?!WTFAMIREADING?!_**

"Wow! What a nice day out!" Rouge looked out the window as she was standing in the lunch line, waiting for the kid in front of her to hurry it up.

"It sure is, Rouge!" Blaze, ironically, was the kid who needed to hurry it up. The students in the back of the line felt their stomachs eat away at themselves as the bat and the cat talked of miniscule things.

"Don't you have gym next period, Blaze?"

"I sure do, Rouge! And so does Silver!" Blaze said with a nod. "Right, Silver?"

Wait just a minute…

Ah! There were go!

"Juyra rewtyko! Awquety sed towsa? Kim verut."

_Yep! Sure do! But can we talk about this later? I'm hungry._

"I'm gonna try out for volleyball!" Rouge stated. "What about you?"

"Hmm…" Blaze thought and shrugged her shoulders. "I'm a stereotypical teenage female in high school now, so I might try out for cheerleading. I'm pretty, so I have a chance."

On second of thought, you think you can squeeze me in, feminists?

"Really?" Cream the Rabbit suddenly popped out of nowhere with that usual cute grin on her face. "Me too!"

Blaze and Rouge turned to Cream and gasped excitedly:

"O. M. G. NO. WAI!" both Rouge and Blaze gasped. It was then that Tikal scooted in and exclaimed.

"I'm trying out too!" Tikal bubbled excitedly. "This'll be great if we all make it on the team!"

"Frewsi ujasfa?!" Silver moaned as the smell of rancid goo made by the cliché middle-aged hags referred to as lunch ladies filled his nostrils, making the hedgehog long for anything to gnaw on.

_Can't this wait for the lunch table?!_

"You know what?" Rouge thought out loud while the students in the lunch line were performing acts of cannibalism towards one another. "Since you three are trying out for cheerleading, I think I'll go for it too! And if you guys jumped off of Mount Everest, I'd follow right behind you since I gave up on making my own decisions since the third chapter of this story!"

"Hyjuni creshite! Segiuto bevytu itupo?! Yupi frin cexa potifa!"

_For the love of GOD! Will you four just go already?! One of the juniors are gnawing on my leg!_

"Hey, where's Amy?"

"I heard that she was upset about Sonic and Shadow dumping her or something."

"Wait-Shadow dated Amy? Since when?"

"Two chapters ago for about…twenty minutes maybe?"

"Whoa, that lasted a while, didn't it?"

"WEGIPSY MARGI UTOJ DREA!"

_NOW THIS GUY'S GOING FOR MY RIGHT ELBOW!_

"Ooooh! We should all have a sleepover!"

"Great idea, Rouge!"

"Actually, I said that, Cream."

"Oh, sorry Blaze! With all this random dialogue, I got confused."

"Grefuto pot sava?!"

_YOU got confused?!_

"Oh yeah, we totally should!"

"It would be so much fun!"

"YEAH!" the four girls squealed in unison. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"KHAN BREGTA QWERY!" Silver bellowed as the random junior began feeding off of the hedgehog's pot-leaf hairstyle.

_I HATE MY LIFE!_

Soon after that pointless conversation, the bell rang, and the trio of girls skipped merrily to the gym, as they were wearing their identical uniforms and tight bows. All the guys stared at them, as they couldn't help but think how those girls had milkshakes that could bring all of them to the yard.

As this occurred, Knuckles and Tails began talking about the standard interests of men. Like football. And hockey. And their girlfriends' milkshakes.

Finally, Silver, (what was left of him, anyway), scooted off to the gym, thinking of eating anything…or anyone…

Hmm…not too sure how to end this chapter, actually. I could say I trolled you with this chapter, but after the several mentions saying that I did and simply reading this, you know that already. I could also say TO BE CONTINUED in a cliché way, but I'm too mainstream to go mainstream. Oh! I know!

_Tuleb jätkata…_

There! That's "To be continued…" in ESTONIAN! Tell me: how many times have you seen THAT before? That's right! NEVER! And how many times have you seen pointless chapters like this? Always? Exactly!

Take THAT originality! ALL I DO EZ WIN!

* * *

**_Yep! Chapter 7 has come before us! Thanks for reading, everyone! Also, anyone have any ideas of other cliches and topics that could be discussed? They, along with some input and other suggestions, would be highly appreciated!_**

**_Until next update, I'm BAA, and I eat my pizza before AND after it gets cool._**


	8. If You Were Confused, That'd Be Normal!

_**Hey guys! Welcome back to another update of SoS! Enjoy!**_

_**-BAA**_

_**P.S.: Anyone else notice that acronym? Coincidental for this Fanfic, eh?**_

* * *

Well, I hope you remembered what happened two chapters ago, because I don't feel like summarizing it and telling about where we left off, since the pointless fluff that consisted of the last chapter had absolutely ZIP to do with the already f...screwed up plot.

So, completely disregarding that last chapter, let's get back to where we left off!

From chapter six.

Because chapter seven and I had a fall-out.

And I might as well pit Sonic and Eggman against each other at least ONCE before I get taken around back and shot by the canon-writers of Sonic Fanfiction.

...

Anyone else feel pressure on the back of their scalp? Or is it just me?

_**IDKWUTSGOINGONANYMORE!**_

Wait, what's that? You cry that this line-break is WAY different from my line-break last chapter, along with the other chapters before it?

Well, like I said in my default response, Chapter 7, who's pretty similiar to all the other chapters, and I had a fall-out. So I'd rather not acknowledge anything about the rest of the story besides of just a little bit of the plot.

So, you know. STFU and GTFO. Don't like, don't read and what-have-you.

[insert witty quote/reply to confused/annoyed/dazed reader here]

_**IDKWUTSGOINGONANYMORE!**_

After about two and a half hours of re-seeing the contents of the breakfast that once resided in his stomach, Professor Gerald Robotnik finally made his way to Mr. V's office. The canonly dead video game character took his seat in front of Vec-Vec's desk, but he noticed something...

Vezzer Wizzer was nowhere in sight.

"That's strange..." Gerald thought, even though he will have no freaking IDEA what the definition of "strange" is by the end of this Fanfic...or rather, this chapter. Looked at the names of the chapters, lately? "I scheduled an appointment...he should be here by now..."

So, like any respectable client/patient/what the cheese ever, Gerald waited for ol' Vexy.

For a very long time, actually.

In fact, he waited so long, he did tons of things to kill time! So, to kill time ourselves and fill up word space, let's put each and every thing he did in detail!

Gerald first decided to take a Rubik's Cube on Vexy-Wexy's and solve it himself. Being the brilliant genius he was, he was able to beat it within a matter of 21.4758493 seconds.

_BOOM!_

Then, our little mastermind went to read Icky Vicky's People magazines for a half-hour, where he read about babies, break-ups, make-outs, stake-outs, celebrity roasting, champagne toasting, and being the brilliant genius he was, he beat the crossword on page 96 within 69 seconds.

_BANG! *snickers at own inmaturity*_

And finally, Gerald decided to walk around MC Vusher's office.

What's with all the nicknames?

Well, Vecky McVeckerkinz is something special to me now, ya see. I've now morphed him into something different...something so far away from his character...he's now my rebound bromance bro to get my mind off of my break-up with chapter seven.

Not like he knows that or anything.

I sure do pity the fool.

...

...

...Yes. I know that having a thing with a fictional crocodile from a video game has officially classified me as insane. But hey, if YOU were writing THIS, wouldn't your mind run off to join the Intellect Army and leave you behind too?

Oh. Right. I'm writing a Fanfic.

Fan. Freaking. Tastic.

Gerald was still walking around the office, touching things and looking through stuff, EXACTLY what he shouldn't have been doing, being in someone else's things. He WAS in the office of an alcoholic pervert who just so happened to be my Sweet Passion, after all.

The professor didn't find much in the drawers, shelves and whatnot. Some books, a picture or two, CDs of course. And being the nosy little genius he was, he decided to open the closet in the back of Darth Vector's office, just to see if there was anything worth finding.

Oh was he in for a treat...

The sixteen-year-old chameleon and six-year-old bee mentioned briefly in Chapter 4 have now officially made a come-back! Yay! And what were Espio the Chameleon and Charmy Bee doing on this fine day in Vector Krum's office?

Were they arguing over how they annoyed the fudge muffins out of each other, like what they do in the comics and the short-lived yet never-should-have-lived-at-all TV series entitled "Sonic X"?

Nope.

Were they solving mysteries, as it was the duty the Chatoix Detective Agency abided by in all the games, comics, and whatever else they were featured in?

Ha, of course not. This is a non-canon AU, stupid.

Were they horsing around in acts of great tomfoolery, being quite nosy themselves and fiddling with a bunch of items scattered around the dark closet?

No. And stop giggling, for God's sake.

Were they showing their brotherly love, getting closer and closer by the second and expressing feelings that are only possible in fan-written works?

Well...

Brotherly love could...well...IS a bit of an understatement.

Indeed it was, as Gerald's eyes widened behind his spectacles as Espio, a fan-favorite, and Charmy, a fan-nuisance, made out crazily against the walls of the small compartment in the wall. Their over-exaggerated love created by thee, le fangirl, spilled over at the point where their thirst for osculation and each other's much closer embrace was uncontrollable. They almost completely forgot the fact that they argued often, had a ten years age difference, and were complete opposites.

Heck, they were so involved in each other, they didn't even notice the middle-aged, deceased papi of Shadow the Lady's Emo barge right in. Gerald felt like he was watching a baby penguin get surrounded by a group of leapord seals; he couldn't look away, but he really, _really _wanted to.

"...Why in the world...?" Gerald sputtered to himself.

Well, I WOULD put Wave the Swallow in that closet with Espio instead of Charmy to satisfy my active shipping of that pairing, but Komm N. Cence's ghost launched Wave out of a cannon just as Espio and Wave were rehearsing a "scene" if you get the synonym. So, instead of satisfying myself, I'm satisfying the Sonic/yaoi fangirls out there, even though I very rarely read _and_ enjoy yaoi.

Quite a shame, really. Was looking forward to some Espiave/Wespio/Wavio/Esave/WavexEspio/EspioxWave action.

Tsky, tsk, tsk.

And so, Gerald closed the door of the closet without even Espio and Charmy noticing his departure as well as his arrival, afterwards re-seeing the M&Ms and Butterfingers he ate from Vecosaur's bowl of complementary candy he found on the drunken, absent reptile's desk in a deformed mass of rainbow colors and brown in the trash-can.

It was until then, however, that my unexplained sugar-child scampered in.

"Sorry I'm late!" the croc huffed. "My fanbase demanded me to try and find the computer room again for the sake of their memes and YouTube poops and..."

Veconat noticed Gerald's sickly position over the place where one stores their weekly waste and immediately took action.

"Oh man!" Vioshock knelt next to the professor, who was coughing and gasping over the bin where papers and scraps are thrown into. "Are you okay, Professor?"

"N-No!" Gerald gagged. "I'm not okay!"

"Well, I figured that much. You're dead, aren't you?"

"Well, yes, but..." Gerald peeked his head up from the trash-can, hastily wiping his hands on his smock/jacket/clothing item. "But are you aware that there are two fellow Sonic characters making out in your closet? MALE Sonic characters, at that, who are supposed to DETEST each other?"

"Oh, Espio and Charmy?"

"The chameleon and bumble-bee?"

Vega-Tron nodded.

I could go on all day with these nicknames, folks.

"Yes! Yes, them! They're in there snogging vigorously in your closet as we speak!"

Gerald pointed at the closet door as joyous moaning could be heard from the other side of the entryway. Instead of Vetch-a-Sketch acting in a bollistic fashion like how the smart ol' coot was, he chuckled and stated:

"Oh! That! Don't worry, Gerald. It's normal."

"N-NORMAL?! Two male Sonic characters that usually can't stand each other and have a several years age difference suddenly having an intimate 'thing' is considered 'normal' now?!"

"In the Sonic fanbase, yes! It has since this site started letting in Sonic stories!"

"On what logic?!"

Vrono Trigger thought about that for a moment. Then, remembering how he was considered a stupid drunk who didn't know jack diddly squat about anything besides Tetris and making memes, he stopped thinking and came up with a simple answer.

"Lemme get something straight to you, Gerald. You're new, and I know new people prefer it to have things handed to them easy, so I'll lay it down on you gently." Ve-Man drank a shot of tequila he got from nowhere. "You see how I drank that shot of tequila that came from nowhere? How it just poofed there with no explanation?"

"Uh...yes?"

"Well," Ve-Ra took another shot of tequila. "What do you think the logic behind that was?"

"Um...there was none?"

"Correct! I also would've accepted Maxwell's Notebook. He's been hanging out with me recently." Veckaroo waved over at Maxwell as the young boy conjured another shot for my hunk o' delicious to enjoy. "'Sup, Max?"

Maxwell said nothing, not remembering that he had Scribblenauts to be the main protagonist in and some Starites to collect, but he's there just for the sake of being a cameo because I like that game.

So can it, you canon-loving kill-joy.

If you don't have a gun, that is. Otherwise, rant away...but can you not hold that gun too close to my head? I'm just a fangirl.

"Anyway," VI Joe continued. "Many people like to pair two characters they really like and think should be together without much explanation. It's just for the sake of quenching their lust of being a fan, really. Not logic."

"But why?"

"Good question. But as for Espio and Charmy, don't worry 'bout it." Maxwell made an entire bottle of tequila so he could stop making shots for the school counselor. The counselor immediately swigged a quarter of the contents, hiccuping afterwards. "They're just making their place in the Sonic fandom valid by jumping on the pairing bandwagon and going yaoi. Sometimes I join them, making some steamy Vecpio/Varmy/Vecpiarmy one-shots and series that get quite the attention around these parts."

Gerald didn't know what to think. Should he be disgusted because the crocodile in front of him did it with teens and young children for the sake of the Sonic fanbase, confused because apparently yaoi pairings were "the bandwagon" now and he was so unaware of that since his death in 2001, or impressed that the school counselor just summed up one of the most popular majorities of the Sonic fandom while drunk on Maxwell's tequila?

"Say," Vapple-Berry hiccuped as he nearly stumbled over his two feet whilst getting up. Gerald stood up on his own, just purely unsure how to react to everything around him. "Wanna talk more about this over some lunch? There's this totally kawaii Pizza Hut that the author created fifteen minutes ago downtown that I'm supposed to be running just so I can have a role in this Fanfic."

"Um...uh..." Before Gerald could make a decision...

"I'll take that as a yes!" Vector turned to Maxwell, who was tempted to create a black hole so he could just GTFO of the Fanfic and bring everything else down with him. But instead, he had to create Vec Diesel's vehicle of choice...

A flying, rainbow, large, silly turtle-rhino hybrid appeared before the scientist and drunk, who seriously shouldn't be behind the horns. Vec Morrison yanked Gerald's wrists, pulling him on board, and the next thing you knew, the two plot-devices were gone faster than Maxwell's thought of committing suicide via black hole that came to him moments before.

...Oh wait! I just remembered!

It was SHADOW that I have a fantasy crush on! So I made all those nicknames to annoy anyone reading this for no apparent reason at all!

Ah, well! Not too sure how I made that mistake, but only the reader has to suffer! Not me!

_**TROLOLOLOLOLOL!**_

Found it necessary to suddenly change the line-break. That last line-break and I had a fall-out.

But this line-break right here IS fitting for moments like this, no?

_**TROLOLOLOLOLOL!**_

Sonic the Hedgehog, now completely terrified of what his fans were capable of, slowly walked into Principal Dr. Ivo Robotnik's office. Before you believe ME, however, he was ACTUALLY walking in the administration building BEFORE walking into the principal's office.

Ha! Now's the perfect time for that line break!

But seriously, though. Sonic was in the admin. building.

"Um..." Sonic sighed in front of the secretary's desk, where a computer blocked his view of the one he was being all angsty and bored-like to. "Principal Eggman wanted to see me?"

The secretary peeked from the desk.

"Name?" the robotic voice stated, and it took no time at all for Sonic to notice who that was.

"Omega?!" E-123 Omega was indeed sitting behind the monitor. Why? Well, just so Sonic can avoid the use of the oxygen he'd need to ask and Omega can avoid the battery life he'd need to answer, Omega was there for some IB community service hours.

That and I like him as a character, so I'm squeezing him in last minute.

I remember the not-quite-as-used characters of the series that not even SEGA uses much anymore. Go me. Go me. It's my birthday. I'm such a pro Sonic fan fo sho mo fo.

Omega asked again:

"Name?"

"Dude, you know me." Sonic rolled his eyes.

"Right, meatbag." Omega pressed a button and stated in the speaker next to it: "The meatbag you requested is coming to you, meatbag. He'll be right on his way, meatbag."

"What's with 'meatbag'?" Sonic huffed. "HK-47, much?"

"Shut up, meatbag. Just go see Principal Meatbag, you meatbag, or I'll carry you there in a meatbag, meatbag."

"First Faker, now meatbag?! WTH?!"

"It's because you ARE a-"

"Screw it! I'm going! I'm going!"

So, Sonic walked into Principal Meat...Eggman's office. He actually noticed that Eggman wasn't there at the moment, and he immediately expected the worst; he thought of the possibilities of what Eggman could possibly do to a little hedgehog like himself...

Let's see. There was...skinning him alive, whipping him, making him read all the Twilight books back to back and pouring salt over the paper cuts he obtained from reading so much and then making him watch all the movies back to back as his eyes bled and turned black, thus creating an insane demon inside himself who would chase his victims and kill them bitterly as he laughed like Keftka in Final Fantasy VI.

He shuddered at the endless possibilities.

The movies...the blood...the endless torture that his worst enemy could limitlessly inflict on him.

He could see it, he could see it now. The pain was just within his reach...

Sonic heard the door click open; his heart practically stopped. There was nothing he could do now.

Well, he could use his Homing Attack and give Eggman the concussion of a lifetime, but this story would be MUCH shorter. And no one wants that, right?

Don't speak. It's not like I can hear you or anything.

Sure enough, there was the rotund evil genius, scampering into his office. But instead of cackling like a robot or summoning a bot to beat Sonic to a quivering pulp, he had a look of exasperation as he pinned Sonic against the wall.

"Sonic," Eggman bit his lip as he gave Sonic the most desperate look of all time. "I need your help more than ever..."

Hmm...let's see. A cliff-hanger...a desperate Eggman...a confused Sonic...an annoyed reader...

Yeah! Let's end riiiiiiight here! Then I'll make you wait until two updates or so to catch up on said cliffhanger and fill the next chapter with more mindless fluff!

A merry, merry unbirthday, to YOU!

* * *

_**The SoS poll is back up, so if you like, answer it on my profile and tell me what you think via review! Writing reviews DO make you have a .324646784% more likely chance of growing wings and getting laser vision one day, you know. But seriously though. Reviews=happiness and gratitude, and thanks for those who review this Fanfic, along with those who read, favorite and follow.**_

_**Until next update, smell ya later!**_

_**-BAA**_


	9. Wait A Minute! This Doesn't Seem Right!

Knuckles the Echidna and Miles Prower walked through the generic gymnasium with duffels across their shoulders, as they were both already changed into a pair of mesh gym shorts, along with 100% cotton T-shirts that had the emblem of their school on it: a rainbow Chaos Emerald with a plate saying: "Medocriter nos et vos.", like how it said so in Chapter 3. Which, according to Google Translate, means in Latin: "We are mediocre, and so are you."

Just...trust the Internet on this one. And if you think that's wrong, blame the Internet, not me, 'K?

"So..." Tails sat down on the what-just-suddenly appeared steel-iron alloy bleachers. "What were you talking about in lunch?"

"Um..." Knuckles sat down besides his compadre, and being the now apparent hard-head he was, shrugged. "I dunno. How excited we were for gym class?"

"No." Tails shook his head. "The other thing."

"Uh..." As Knuckles tried to remember, the gym started to pile up with random OCs who were all apparently going to the exact same class as the sixteen-year-old echidna and the fifteen-year-old-who-should-actually-be-an-eight-y ear-old fox.

Hmm...let's see. There was Charlie the dork-of-a Lizard, who was actually holding hands now with Jessica the Mongoose. Like me with virutally everything about this story at this point, Jessica and her once BF Buster the Gazelle had a fall-out. A REALLY bad fall-out, actually. So, since a break-up's only usuable reply is full-out angst, Buster decided to be a Shadow the Hedgehog poser by cutting his right wrist repeatedly with a Gillete sports razor he found in his duffel, which had two cotton T-Shirts, a plastic, six-dollar water bottle, and a white Egyptian cotton bath towel.

Detail. How schmancy.

Jessica would've actually gone angsty and stuff too, if Charlie didn't swoop in and save her and make her as his own character development device/love interest. And Jessica, who was desperate like every other female in Sonic Fanfic-dom, got with Charlie for the sake of not seeming forever alone (and to not lose her right hand from cutting so much).

Both she and Charlie sat down a couple of bleachers away from Knuckles and Tails, as Buster sat even closer to the only two canon Sonic characters mentioned, not at all looking up at them, as he was too busy digging in to his wrist with a silver blade to take in the somewhat detailed surroundings.

Tails, however, found the urge to say to the OC whose existence is to be a filler in this Fanfic and this Fanfic alone:

"Hi, Buster!"

Buster looked up only for a moment, with one eye covered by a sleek bang of black hair. He had on a black shirt, with some black jeans, black shoes, along with black eyeliner, black lipstick, black earrings, and he even had black antlers, with a large blotch of white foundation on his face.

Oh yeah. And he was also a stereotypical emo just like Shadow, it's just that he wasn't a lady's man anymore.

Not like anyone cares about the OC or anything. But I do. Winner writes ha.

"Oh..." Buster said all goffik-like. "Hi, Tails..."

And the gazelle went right back to cutting. How freaking swell!

"W-Wait a minute..." Knuckles suddenly had a thought. How freaking abnormal for his character in this! "Tails?"

"Yeah?" Tails asked the echidna.

"How...how did you...know..." Knuckles suddenly pointed at the emo/drugee/loner gazelle, who kept thinking about how his hand/hoof should've fallen off at that moment and how shocked he was that he didn't reach an artery yet.

"Oh, him?" Tails asked. "We have the same drug dealer, Jaxter. Speaking of which..." Tails looked back over at Buster. "Buster, have you seen Jaxter lately?"

"He was making out with Nikki in the courtyard, as a black hedgehog and a yellow hedgehog were doing the same thing." Buster rasped like a goffik emo, not responding to anything else.

"Wait...Shadow, you mean?" Knuckles questioned the gazelle.

Buster's suddenly perked up and bared his teeth to Knuckles.

"How the hell should I know?!" Buster roared, suddenly not sounding like an emo but instead some bipolar yet extremely violent psycho. "Just shut up, you prep!"

"P-Prep?!" Knuckles sprung out of his seat. "PREP?!"

"Whoa, Knuckles! Let's not do anything we might regret!" Tails tried to place Knuckles back in his seat, but Knuckles had no thoughts of sitting back down as Buster thought of the exact same thing.

"Don't get into this, Tails!" Knuckles, with all his might, threw Tails off of him. So hard, in fact, that the fox slammed into some portable technology users who were chillin' at the bleachers on the other side of the gym.

Let that be a lesson, high schoolers: never text or play video games during class, or an OOC kitsune will be thrown at you by a temperamental echidna from across the room.

The more you know, the more places you'll go!

Knuckles, completely forgetting about how his brute strength caused serious brain damage for the amigo/freshman he just threw and the group of high schoolers that now had broken devices in their paws/wings/flippers/tentacles/appendages, turned back to the OC. They both had fury...

Total fury...

It was then that Knuckles pounced on Buster, as he felt desperate to rip the gazelle's face off, stick it back on, and rip it off again, only to repeat the process until I got tired writing about his violent awesomeness. Buster rolled Knuckles off of him, going all meme-like and giving him Falcon Punch after Falcon Punch to the noggin, along with an arrow to the knee and...eh, other stuff.

Oh, and this is still gym class, BTW. I guess the fighting and what-not counts as a work-out.

I guess.

As the two hormone-filled teens battled brutishly back and forth, Tails watched from afar. After being pelted several feet and landing abruptly on a group of undescribed Mobians, he was actually okay! It's a miracle!

Or, you know, it's a defiance of logic for the sake of the plot.

"Hmm..." Tails thought. Yes, he _thought_ of that, but leave him alone! He has dain bramage! "What Buster said about the black and yellow hedgehogs...is the black one Shadow? And if it was, why would he have a girlfriend? Also...Knuckles is right...how...how do I know Buster? All I know is that we have the same drug dealer, and Jaxter never told me about him! N-None of this makes sense! How I know Buster, how Shadow has a GF, and even how Knuckles just threw me across the gym like that! Am I really THAT light-weight? And even then, is Knuckles REALLY careless enough to simply sling me around like some rag-doll just to fight a stranger to blow off some steam? And that should've been painful for me, too! In fact, I should be dead from that blow against the weight of the bleachers and teenagers! What the fudge banana is going on...?"

...Or, you know, maybe the "Hmm..." was just him warming up prior to using his almighty brain powers.

Tails bit his lip, unsure what to do next. Not like he could talk to Knuckles about it, since Knuckles was in the middle of getting his invisible yet they-seem-to-have-been-there ears ripped off as Buster was close to realizing what life without antlers was like. He was simply unsure what to do, what to say, with the exception of the only answer he had to everything around him 100% of the time:

"I gotta go find Sonic!"

Because that fox-boy couldn't live without telling Sonikku about his infinite amount of problems.

And so, Tails ran out of the gym, even though he needed the Physical Education credit to graduate high school three years from that very moment.

...Well, it was really a social gathering. Not THAT much of a class, really. So ditching wasn't THAT frowned upon, along with making out during class, talking about your love life to everyone you know, and meeting up with friends in the hallway to have bull sessions.

Only at Rainbow Emerald High: the best place to learn and suck seed!

_**WTFAMIREADING?!**_

Line-break. Changed again. Deal with it.

_**WTFAMIREADING?!**_

As Tails was running off to find his bro for life, four...no, five girls were having the fluffiest, most standard sleep-over of all time that could make any feminist cry in a corner:

Rouge the Bat, Blaze the Cat, Cream the Rabbit, Tikal the Dead-Canon, and the last-minutely-added-in Amy Rose were in pink pajamas, in a pink bedroom, on a pink bed, as they were listening to One Direction while applying pink nail polish on their dainty fingers and toes and gossiping.

What's that? In the middle of class? Oh, sure! Why not? Not like any of the girls were supposed to do anything remotely important that was school-related!

"Hmm..." Cream thought out loud. "I wonder where Purrfect is!"

"Who cares?" Amy snapped as Harry Stiles was belting out a super-de-duper hot solo. "She's probably making out with Sonic right now!"

"Whoa, Amy! Chill!" Blaze over-reacted. Calm? Collected? Sonic Wiki, to you I scoff!

"Speaking of which," Tikal leaned in close, whispering, as if there was some commando hiding in a box that was going to report back to the base they worked for about this "top secret info" via portable communication device. "Did you guys hear that she made cheer captain?"

The five girls in the room already tried out for cheer-leading, and no one got cut since rejection and sadness is not in option at REHS...and the coach was pretty much bribed by every single girl, (if thou geteth thy drift).

But, Purrfect didn't even need to show skill or...other things. In fact, the cheer coach was so captivated by her beauty and completely divine aura of epicality, (that's a word in Sonic Land), that all Purrfect had to do was just stand there and...kaboom bang boom pow smacka-whacka-ding-dong! She became the cheer captain!

I would talk more about it, but ya know. It seems important, but why talk about it when there are girls blabbing away about juicy intel while listening to some 1D?

"You mean she tried out?" Blaze raised an eyebrow. Raised. Cocked. All the same, really. And something HAD to be mixed up 'round here besides the plot. "I didn't know that!"

"Neither did I! In fact," Tikal giggled in a bubbly fashion, cuz girls are, like, ALWAYS annoyingly happy no matter what they say. "I suddenly remembered that we all tried out in an unexplained scene and, according to my memory, I apparently watched her try out! I guess she also looked kawaii in her cotton-poly blend cheerleader uniform, which was rainbow to signify our school colors, and she also had rainbow pom-poms with multi-colored streamers! Her rainbow fur was so rainbow-y and beautiful, that I fainted on the spot from her beauty and purrfection! She's just so...so..."

"PURRFECT!" Blaze, Cream, and Tikal exclaimed as Amy sulked while listening to Big Time Rush on her own iPod and Rouge was simply unaffected by all this excitement.

I mean, it's not like she even KNEW Purrfect. All she knew was that Amy detested how Sonic fell head over sneakers for her. So...why were those three so happy? If anything, wouldn't they be upset that THEY weren't captain and actually had to do _something _to get on the team while all Purrfect had to do was stand there and she got captain on the spot? Something seemed amiss...

But Rouge shrugged it off.

For the time being, anyway.

"ok...ok..." Cream gasped from excitement. "i haz a convursashun startr!"

Blaze and Tikal leaned in, while Amy huffed and decided to try the crossword on page 96 herself. As for Rouge, she wondered what the banana with fudge on it happened to Cream's once decent grammar. But once again, she just rolled with it.

"woo...do...u...gis..." Cream exploded with such bizzarely obtained excitement. "Hav a krush on?!"

Blaze and Tikal stared at each other with glee and exasperation.

"O...i dunno ef i kan sai..." Tikal bowed her head, trying to look sheepish.

"What do you mean you can't say?" Rouge shrugged as her eyes squinted at Tikal. "Isn't Knuckles your boy-"

Blaze shushed Rouge with an angered look on her face. She was angry, with smoke coming out of her ears and stuff. Why scoff at canon information about Blaze? Because being calm and collected makes you boring, that's why! So screw you, research!

"shut ap, rooge!" Blaze rasped, again, keeping her voice down. God forbid the FBI, CIA or other dictator-esque facilities knew about a group of OOCs' love lives. "cant u c tekal ez trin 2 tallk?!"

"And what the _hell _happened to your grammar?! Honestly! You're fourteen, damn it! You learned proper grammar in what, third grade? Second, maybe?"

Blaze stared at Rouge for a couple of seconds, thinking about how she never went to middle, elementary, or even preschool but was suddenly accepted into high school for unexplained reasons. Was it because GUN wanted her there? A deranged human, maybe...?

She didn't feel like answering at the moment, as she felt that continuing on with hearing about such plot-relating (?) secrets about the characters was MUCH cooler than learning propr gramer.

"eneway..." Tikal bit her lip, waited three seconds, and exclaimed: "ITZ KNUXY!1"

Blaze and Cream squealed excitedly as Rouge thought sarcastically:

"Oh, so you don't cheat on Knuckles? Well, congratu-freaking-lations to you, Tikal. You're loyal. If only you didn't have to go to heaven with Chaos at the end of Sonic Adventure. But since you did, why did you decide to descend into Fanfiction hell and fall in love with a knuckle-head of a mortal who's canonly thousands of years younger than you? Hmm?"

The gossip was continued, as the bored bat had no choice but to live with the commentary inside her head. She didn't feel like getting mauled to pieces by a group of female fourteen/fifteen-year-olds that day.

"ok, creem, ur turn!" Blaze cooed. "woo do U haz a krush on?"

"wel..." Cream paused for a dramatic effect.

"She's gonna say Tails." Rouge thought. "According to one chapter, the liking of 'Tailseam' was mentioned, so..."

"I LYKE TAILZ!111"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Blaze and Tikal squealed simultaneously. Amy was bothered by their excitement, so she turned up the song "Windows Down" even more, which blasted her eardrums. And as for Rouge...

"Oh, THERE'S a big surprise. I was thinking that Cream was gonna say Bokkun, Shadow, or even Cosmo, if she wanted to express her 'yuri fan-appreciation' by satisfying their wants. Oh, but wait! Cosmo's dead! And the author hates Cosmo! So OF COURSE she wouldn't even be IN this Fanfic! Of freakin' course not! Silly me for even thinking so! AND ALL-CAPS ISN'T USED IN THIS STORY EXCESSIVELY TO EXPRESS EMPHASIS AT ALL!"

Rouge was dangerously close to screaming from how annoyed she was with the once sensible Sonic characters, as she was trying to gather why everything around her was slowly oozing due to randomness, excessive detail, ridiculous storytelling, and cliche stereotyping, considering that the five females were surrounded by pink this and pink that as Justin Bieber was now playing on full blast while three of these five girls were talking about cute boys.

No, seriously. Rouge felt pink ooze drip from the ceiling...which was also pink.

It was, like, totally gross.

"al rite, blaize," Cream wriggled around excitedly. "ur turn!"

"..." Blaze said. No. Literally. You had to have been there.

"..." Cream and Tikal said right back.

" '...'?" Rouge repeated in her head. "The hell is that supposed to mean?"

"..." Blaze kept this up even longer.

"..." The two freaks of girls responded.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...SILVAR!111111111111" Blaze broke the silence while Cream and Tikal got so ecstatic to hear this secret, they ripped their ears off. But don't worry. There was some pink Gorilla Glue in this pink bedroom, so their ability to hear was saved. The three girls were so, SO blindly happy, using their terrible grammar and giggling like the giddy schoolgirls they were who reacted hyperly to everything around them.

And then there was Rouge.

"Wait...Silver?" Rouge thought. "As in...the fourteen-year-old who came from an apocolyptic future who used to be friends with Blaze, but they both had their memory of each other wiped out when Blaze had to trap an all powerful demon inside of her and be transported to another timeline, almost never to see Silver again? _That _Silver?"

Rouge was so bothered by all this, she didn't know where to start. The grammar, the pink-ness, the over-active emotions...she couldn't be the only one going through this, right?

"That's it..." Rouge growled to herself as the three girls boomed out to [generic teen idol]'s debut album, dreaming about how their krushes wud suranayde dem. so towtalee kawaii! XOXOXOXO :33333 "I gotta go find Shadow. Surely HE could help me do something about...this..."

Amy looked up from her magazine to see Rouge storm out the door and head into the hallway. Oops! Did I forget to mention that the bedroom was still in Rainbow Emerald High? Well, it was. So at least our favorite female protagonists didn't ditch school! And they didn't even ditch class, as Kawaii Sleepover-ing was a class that just consisted of those five crazies!

"Hey Rouge!" Amy bellowed as she ran after her apparent BFFAEAE; she bellowed because her eardrums were, once again, shattered into a million pieces. "Wait up, will you?"

After clopping down the hall for about five minutes even though she was in bunny slippers, Rouge found her keno sabe in the courtyard...but she was soon to find that she actually DIDN'T want to find him.

Once she found the emo, her eyes nearly exploded, and her lungs actually did, in fact, explode.

Care to see the X-rays, dear skeptic?

For what she saw of Shadow the Hedgehog was unwatchable, uncensored, and not for anyone under the age of eighteen to describe.

So I won't.

But all I will write is this:

"Shadow?! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Rouge screeched, and being the bat she was, it was excrusiating to the eardrums; the only one who wasn't affected was Amy, who swore she heard mosquitoes surrounding her head.

Shadow looked up at his female homie as Maria the Hedgehog wondered why Shadow stopped...I'll stop right there for the sake of the rating.

"R-Rouge! Um...hey!" Shadow stuttered. "Where did you...?"

"Who is that?!" Without answering Shadow's question, Rouge pointed at the other hedgehog who was with Shady-Wady under that tree.

"Oh! Me?" Maria pointed at herself.

"No! The other topless twelve-year-old hedgehog who's been shooting Shadow's machine gun!"

"Oh, my name's Maria!" the indeed topless hedgehog exclaimed. "Maria Robotnik!"

Rouge twitched and twitched even more, as her mind was on confusion overload. With her emo amigo apparently doing some...'target practice' with the fangirl-revived Maria Robotnik the Huma..._Hedgehog_, all she could muster was:

"Poor Gerald Robotnik! What would he think if he was alive and saw...saw...THIS?!"

"Oh, he is alive." Shadow stated.

"...What?!"

"Yeah. And when he saw us together, he vomitted." Maria remarked.

"But the last time I checked, he was heading off with Vector on his flying, rainbow, large, silly turtle-rhino hybrid to go to the Pizza Hut Vector owns." Shadow said.

"Wha...?"

"Let's randomly switch there and see what they're up to!" Shadow suggested with a smile on his face.

"Great idea, Shadow Puppet!" Maria licked the side of Shadow's face affectionately, who practically melted at the feel of her tongue against his cheek. All Rouge could do was let her jaw drop from its hinges as Amy shouted:

"WHAT DID HE SAY?"

_SUDDEN SCENE SWITCH..._

Gerald and Vector were walking around the Pizza Hut that had Vector's name on its deed, where Gerald asked the crocodile:

"So...you own this place?"

"Um...guess so." Vector answered. Gerald stopped in front of the salad bar and Vector stood alongside him.

"What do you mean you 'guess so'?" Gerald air-quoted the "guess so" part. Not doing so would've been weird. "One would think you'd know if you owned a restaurant that's part of a nationwide chain."

"Well...I..."

Vector was [not that] close to coming up with a logical answer, but he was suddenly interrupted by an attractive, female rabbit.

"Oh, hello Vector!" she greeted, as Vector whirled around to see...

...

...

"..."

"Vanilla?!" Vector smiled widely as she embraced Cream's mother. "What're you doing here?!"

"I work here now, don't you remember?" Vanilla was indeed in a red Pizza Hut employee uniform. "I'm a waitress."

"Oh! Cool!" Vector said, just playing along. Gerald, however, hadn't much at all to say.

Vector and Vanilla literally said nothing else, as they both felt the urge to do one thing. Quiz Time! Which of the following will Vector and Vanilla do in this scene of Speed of Sue, leaving only Gerald Robotnik to watch? Will they talk of old times, question how there was a Pizza Hut in the middle of Mobius, remember that they canonly don't know each other, or like every boy and girl mentioned thus far, make out in public?

Ha! What in the Blazes do you think?

Vector and Vanilla snogged to their heart's content, falling back in the salad bar in the process. They didn't mind that there was lettuce and several condiments on them, however. That didn't matter at all. DA STORIE DUZ, DOH.

Gerald simply couldn't wrap his brilliant mind around all this. The randomness that consumed this very moment. He watched his grand-daughter and surrogate son make out under a tree, afterwards watching a teenage chameleon and six-year-old bee make out in a drunk crocodile's closet, afterwards flying on a turtle/rhino with the mentioned crocodile to Pizza Hut where he now witnessed the croc run to first base with an over-aged rabbit that the croc never met outside of Sonic X.

And OF COURSE he threw up again, but as he did, he wondered if there was anything..._anything at all _that could make anything he witnessed sensible.

Yet he figured...probably not.

Now he's catching on...

_SUDDEN SCENE SWITCH BACK TO RAINBOW EMERALD HIGH..._

Rouge saw the poor old man upchuck from the bitter craziness that he had no choice but to watch, and she could relate.

Rouge then, oh then...had a revelation.

She realized that this was all a pile of ridiculous, broken screw-ups, awkward love scenes, bizarre pairings, terrible grammar, sarcastic yet barely used narration, OOCness, one-dimensional OCs and poor explanations, all tied together with a lack of common sense, locked in a box of randomness, and shipped away to Wacky Wonderland, where DA STORIE MATRD and nothing else...if there was a STORIE to start with. And everyone mentioned...canons, OCs, and cameos alike, simply played along with some questioning of their existence in the Fanfic here and there, but all of the said questioning was quickly dismissed with some other "plot-twist" or "random event".

The bat, having this newfound discovery, wanted her canon life back. She wanted Shadow to be a jerk. Maria to be dead. Amy to be crazy over Sonic no matter what...but how could she get it back?

She wasn't going to get her old life back at the moment, however, as she fainted due to a mind overload. I mean, did you READ that revelation up there?

Shadow and Maria stared at the passed out Rouge the Bat, as Amy shouted:

"WHAT DID SHE SAY?"

* * *

_**Yes, I know! Quick update! And long chapter, too! And before we depart, I'd love to thank everyone who's read this for their support and true inputs on the story. If there's anything I could improve on to make this story better or even something "cliche" in Sonic Fanfic-dom to address, please let me know. It really does help out. And yes, I do know that this story has taken some weird and incredibly sudden turns even as far as parodies go, but...I DO think Tails and Rouge are onto something, wouldn't you say?**_

_**Until next time, fantabulastical readers...**_

_**-BAA**_


	10. Settling Differences and Taking Action!

Amy looked down at the passed out bat as Shadow and Maria shrugged off the fact that the black hedgehog's female companion was unconscious on the ground and just went right back to shooting as many targets as they could. As Amy was beating at her ears as if they had every watery substance imaginable inside of them, Shadow and Maria took their spot back at their tree and…click, click, boom shacka-lacka.

However, these two "marksmen" failed to notice one thing: there was a couple who was making out next to them at this exact same tree…target range…whatever. If you've been reading and have actually made close observations in different chapters with certain characters, (and I would be unbelievably impressed if you even read and survived the absurdity of the past nine chapters), you should know who this couple is already: Jaxter the Drug Dealer and Nikki the Happy Mask Saleswoman. And they were, like our emo/dead human-gone hedgehog shipping, making out…like I said before…if you were carefully analyzing.

There was just one problem, however…

Nikki was nowhere in sight.

Aw dang!

But, since I didn't mention Jaxter being anywhere else, he was still under that tree…um…making out with…no one, I guess. Yet he quickly realized that not even oxygen was all that interested in him and his generic drug-flavored breath. So, like any respectable boyfriend who found themselves doing some PDA with the air they breathed for whatever reason, he went to go look for his baby.

A determined, (sorta), boyfriend and a missing girlfriend who are star-crossed lovers whose lips need to reunite? Aw yeah, we are TOTALLY getting back to this!

But we have to put in _a little more _references to the canon Sonic the Hedgehog before the demands for uploading this chapter to Fictionpress come crashing in, huh?

…Fine. Let's just see what the Blue Blur and Baldy McNosehair are up to.

_**WTFAMIREADING?!**_

WHERE WE LEFT OFF!

_"Sonic," Eggman bit his lip as he gave Sonic the most desperate look of all time. "I need your help more than ever..."_

Aw, come on! Italics DO look cool, after all!

Anyway, let's get back to WHERE WE LEFT OFF!

"So…am I in trouble?" Sonic bit his lip, turning his head in uncertainty and squinting his eyes, hoping they wouldn't bleed hyperactive blood like what he saw in that Creepypasta a couple of nights before that was mentioned, like, a thousand times in it.

Sonic? Multi-tasking? Why the heavens to Betsy not?! It gets things going quicker!

Eggman told Sonic to take a seat without answering Sonic's question at all.

"Sonic…" Principal Eggman stated quietly without answering Sonic's question at all. "Take a seat."

Telling someone the same thing twice insures that they got the message. Figured ya did.

ANYWAY!

"Um…if I take a seat," Sonic folded his arms in front of that seat that appeared like magic. Or maybe it was Maxwell's notebook that conjured that seat. Did I mention that he was also assisting Principal Eggmanmuffin on this fine day? No? Well… "Will you THEN answer my question?"

"…"

Sonic thought of Eggman's spoken ellipses for an unspecified yet exaggerated amount of time, until he just rolled his eyes and went with the storyline.

Eggman sat on the other side of his desk, giving Sonic a stern look of stern sternness.

"Sonic…I'm not sure if you're aware of this…" Eggman brushed his bushy brown moustache with his middle and index fingers. "But…there have been some unexplainably bizarre events occurring…as…as of late…and…"

"Okay, pause." Sonic did that thing with his hands that those coaches do at football games to symbolize a time-out in order for him (Sonic) to symbolize how he (Sonic) wants he (Eggman) to stop talking. Explanation be key to thy understanding. "What's with all the ellipses?"

"Which…which leads me to my point…" Eggman did that thing where he twiddled his thumbs. There's not much explanation to that, actually. "I've been talking in ellipses…to…make myself sound like I have something…suspenseful to say…"

"Really? Using them that many times is pretty stupid. And you're the one who thought turning me into a Werehog was a brilliant idea."

"Shut up, Sonic…" Eggman hushed that blue dude. "May I continue…before…you rudely interrupt me…again?"

"…Sure?"

Eggman, though Sonic clearly said "…Sure?" in a sarcastic fashion, took that "…Sure?" as a "Oh YES, master-teacher-principal-arch-enemy! I'd LOVE to hear what RIVETING things YOU have to say!"

So, he continued. Hip hip…hooray…

"Okay…" Eggman continued. "Have…you realized that…everyone's been acting…different?"

"Well," Sonic thought for a moment. "Actually, yeah…"

"Examples…?"

"Well," Sonic began counting on his fingers, nodding and thinking as he went along. AT THE SAME. TIME. "Tails is apparently seven years old than he should be while he's in some intimate relationship with the also seven-years-older Cream the Rabbit, Knuckles is literally all over that girl Tikal that I thought was in heaven with Chaos, Shadow is emo, and the last time I checked, he has a new boo that's the 'hedgehog-version' of your dead cousin Maria Robotnik, Vector's a drunk pervert, Silver speaks in a language no one can understand while _he _is doing it up with Blaze, Sally acted like a total jerkaholic in the halls, E-123 Omega is apparently your secretary now, and Amy actually looked bruised and stuff, telling her 'best friend' Rouge that I abused her or something. And speaking of which, I've seen close to none of those people that I would normally see everyday _outside _of a cluttered high school. Instead, I've been seeing random OCs, cameos that nod at certain fandoms the author likes such as that guy with a red hat that's standing with that green notebook over there, and everything's just been…random. I haven't gotten any answers to any questions I might have about virtually anything, and I've instead had to just go through the motions without any questions asked. I even have a girlfriend that I know almost nothing about, yet everyone knows her and I'm…enamored with her somehow!"

The two supposed enemies gave each other a long stare as Sonic's face went back from blue to…well, not as dark blue. He kept inhaling and exhaling, trying to regulate his breath again.

I mean, did you SEE that ramble up there? …Didn't I use that line last chapter?

Ah well. Just seeing if you were paying attention…sort of.

"Hmm…" Eggman hummed.

"…What?" Sonic leaned back in his seat, huffing and puffing like he just ran a mile. What a terrible analogy. "You want me to ramble again?"

"No…" Eggman shook his head. "Those are good examples…but…"

Sonic sat there for a moment, waiting for Principal Eggman to respond after his twentieth ellipse…or something around there. If someone counts all the ones Eggman's dialogue contains, delicious, moist cake will be rewarded. Again. No lie.

"But what?" Sonic was disappointed. Did he really use up his oxygen to run (no pun intended) through his entire query for absolutely _nothing?! _That would be NO GOOD, now would it?

"Well, those were…some good examples…but…"

"Um…you just said that." Sonic rolled his green/teal/blue-green orbs/eyes/irises.

"But…"

"But what?"

"It's just that…"

"…WHAT?"

"I…I…"

"WHAT IS IT, DAMN IT?!" Oh, Sonic! Only SHADOW can say "damn"! It's one of the staples of his personality; all of his TRUE fans know that!

Silly hedgehog! Swearing's for ultimate life-forms!

"I thought of…a better example." Eggman finally finished what he had to say.

"Of what?" Sonic shrugged his shoulders. "Of everything being off and not being in balance like it should?"

"Yes…" Eggman nodded slowly, feeling the very area of his desk in a five mile radius build up with an unbreakable, invincible wall of suspenseful suspense, that could suspensefully fill a suspense-free person with so much suspense, that the person's now suspense-filled head would suspensefully explode…with suspense. "Sonic…"

"Yes?" Sonic asked, feeling so annoyed that the answers he so seeked from what he thought was the number one person on his hate-list, felt his annoyingly annoyed mind get filled with…eh, you know.

"…" Eggman said, feeling like Blaze last chapter.

"…" Sonic responded back, feeling like two of his somewhat gal-pals.

"…"

"…"

_**TWO HOURS OF "…" LATER…**_

"Sonic…" Eggman said. "Have you noticed…that we haven't…killed each other yet…?"

Not like Sonic could hear the mustached-man, as was drooling all over the evil genius' mahogany desk while dreaming about those epic twenty minutes he had with Purrfect the Lynx/Cat that summer. He still didn't really remember what he was doing with her that day, but he was for CERTAIN he spent it sacrificing some of the grain and fruit he had in his pantry at her altar. I mean, if you were in front of the Goddess of Sonic Fanfiction, what would you do?

"Mmm…Purrfect…" Sonic mumbled in his slumber. "But of course you can kick Omochao…"

"…Sonic?" Eggman noticed the snoozing hedgehog at that very moment. He was just too busy to build up tension in that very moment using his slow speech and repeated dot-dot-dots to do anything about it.

"What? No! He doesn't mind…" Sonic chuckled. "He likes the torture…he asks for it…"

"Sonic…Sonic…" Eggman kept nudging the blue hedgehog continually. "Soooooooniiiiiic…"

Suddenly, Sonic's head bolted up. Because the only way to wake up an adolescent dreaming about their virtually perfect girlfriend abusing a creature they despise is to say their name three times.

"Huh…? Wuzzat…woo…wha…" Sonic's head darted around as he slurred, as if someone was gonna ambush him before he was wide awake. Well, he DID have an iPhone in his bag, which had over 3,000 songs on it along with 10,978 pictures of Purrfect, so whatever burglar that was in that classroom, like, totally missed their chance.

"Did…you hear what I said…?"

"Wha? 'Bout…wha?" Sonic smacked his lips, stretching as Purrfect was the only thing on his mind all of a suddenly.

"You're my enemy, Sonic…"

"No frickin' duh, Robuttnik." And Sonic's wide awake! Because insulting your worst enemy gives you more energy than a can of Red Bull or a bottle of Go-Go Juice ever will!

"Yes…you are indeed…my enemy…"

"Get to your point, giant talking egg."

"So…" Eggman leaned in towards Sonic, waited for about fifteen minutes, and right before Sonic was about to dream of Purrfect flailing a katana at Omochao, Eggman stated: "Shouldn't we be…fighting?"

Sonic was close to dismissing what that mad-man said, until he suddenly realized…

"Ermehgerd…" Sonic gave Eggman a look that showed off how wide his eyes could possibly get without popping out of his sockets. "You're actually RIGHT, Eggman! I've been too busy talking to my OOC friends, walking around OCs I've never met before, and just trying to wrap my head around why I'm in high school in the first place to even _think _of fighting you like I normally do!"

"But…you wouldn't have a reason to…" Eggman remarked. "Since I'm…too busy being the principal…to make any…catastrophic weaponry."

"Why are you the principal, anyway?"

"I…I don't know…" Eggman shrugged. "I'm just…here."

"Oh, man! For the first time in my life, I'm actually HAPPY we agree on something!"

"It's…the only time we…ever agreed on something…"

"No. In Sonic X…"

"Sonic X doesn't count." Eggman snapped bluntly, breaking out of his building up of anxiety and extreme curiosity in the environment just to make such a point. He actually _didn't _mind killing someone…

"Um…right." Sonic tried not to remember that stupid weirdo Chris Thorndyke himself. He actually _hated _cat food… "Well, it seems that we're both pretty freaked out by all this…weirdness. What with our friends acting weird…"

"YOUR friends acting weird…" And the ellipses made a comeback! …Apparently.

"R-Right." Sonic corrected himself. "The total strangers we've never met before, the cameos, just being in this high school in general…we need to do something about this."

"Right…" Eggman nodded in agreement. "I'll call everyone I know…who's been a part of this Fanfic…and we'll all meet in a…secret place…to discuss this issue…"

"Yeah. Good idea." Sonic took out his iPhone while Eggman began rolling in a number on a rotary phone; all those old people have them.

And so, Sonic and Eggman put aside their differences just this once *wink* and called everyone they knew. Tails, (who was still "looking for Sonic", meaning that his "mission" would still be over,) Knuckles, (who was still beating the snot out of a gazelle,) Tikal, Amy, (who had a hard time realizing that her phone was ringing since she could hear squat no longer,) Cream, Blaze, Rouge, (who was still passed out in the courtyard,) Shadow, Maria, (who were both still…doing one-rating-up things,) Silver, (who was in the nurses' office to see what they could do about his severed lower body that was gnawed off by a junior,) Vector, Vanilla, (who were still making out in the iceberg lettuce,) Espio, Charmy, (who were also making out in the broom closet, pleasing the yaoi fans,) Gerald, (who was still spewing at Pizza Hut,) Sally, (though she kinda disappeared, Sonny and Eggy needed all the help they could get their gloves on,) E-123 Omega, (even though it would be pointless to call him since he was just twenty feet away from Eggman's office,) and…wait. That's it. Phew! Rambling's hard!

Why not call Purrfect? Well, she had more purrfect stuff to do! She had NO time for commoners! Not even for her BF! And Sonic, being the understanding snookie-ookems he was, could respect that. She had tons of clubs to run and was the captain of every team at school after all, along with keeping up her straight As while constructing her temple where the school art gallery used to be. Who needs art when you got a flawless rainbow cat to stare at?

The two spent quite some time calling these people, and once they got the message out to these many individuals who suffered through the weird antics that is the high-school Fanfic, all they could do…was wait…

_**WTFAMIREADING?!**_

Jaxter was walking through the halls, yelling "Nikki! Nikki! Where are you?" completely disregarding the fact that class was STILL going on. He stopped in his tracks, however, when he saw "MR. VECTOR" on a gold plate on one of the doors he was close to passing. He shrugged, thinking that the counselor could possibly help a pleasure-crazy fool like himself find his sugar booger. He opened the door, without even knocking, but noticed that the lights were off. He shrugged again, with his character that I drew up being indifferent to everything around him, and flipped on the light.

Little did he know that he would not find Mr. Vector there. But instead…

"Charlie?! Jessica?!" All the OCs know each other, ya know…but Jaxter, man, he was freaking. Out! Charlie and Jessica were tied together in the darkest, creepiest corner of the room, as they tried to say something with socks in their mouths. A little to their right, Jaxter could see…

"Oh, HELLO, Jaxter!" the Happy Mask Salesman exclaimed from Mr. V's desk as he did that thing Eggman was doing with his thumbs. "You're just in time!"

"…Who the hell are you?!" Jaxter sputtered, noticing how creepy and white HMS' toothy grin was.

"That's none of your concern at the moment." HMS stated. "Just know that…you've met with a terrible fate."

"Wait a minute…" Jaxter suddenly perked up. "You're from the Legend of Zelda!"

"Way to go, genius." HMS squinted his eyes with eerie glee. "Way. To. Go."

"Where's my girlfriend?!" Jaxter bellowed.

"Nikki?"

"Yeah…"

"Red hair? Permanent smile? Goes around selling masks?"

"Uh…yeah!" Jaxter was wondering if this was a reality or a hangover. "Yeah! Where is she?"

"I stole her face." HMS answered bluntly.

"You WHAT?!" Imagine twenty more ?!s after that and then it would be more accurate.

"Come on out, OC!" HMS turned around the back closet as a blank-faced stick person with no expression or personality whatsoever walked out of that compartment in the wall. Jaxter glared at the stick figure for five seconds as HMS reached inside his heavy back-pack and pulled out a mask that looked exactly like Nikki's face: feminine, with a white smile and squinted eyes.

"N-Nikki…" Jaxter was about to pull a Gerald as HMS put the mask back on the blank stick figure and Nikki suddenly appeared.

"Jaxter! Get out of-" HMS then took off Nikki's "face" again, as she became a stick figure once more. Charlie and Jessica panicked immensely as this occurred.

"What…what the…"

"Allow me to explain, Jaxter." HMS began. "You see, everyone has their own self-background that they've made themselves. It shows off their personality, their features, who they _really _are…everyone's different, you see. Or at least, they're supposed to be."

The stick figure that was once Nikki stood there as HMS had the mask in his hands that clearly depicted the face of the Happy Mask Saleswoman.

"She is an 'original character' that was created by some unknown force who was a clear copy of myself. Only these 'original characters' who are modeled after certain characters, like your lady friend, have masks. Masks that are created with certain traits that, when worn, give the 'OC' different traits. For instance, your lady friend smiled often, almost never opened her eyes, and went around selling masks…like myself. And without this mask…she's nothing but a blank slate with a lack of originality or ideas…" HMS kept on going as Jaxter was getting more and more freaked out.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!" Jaxter found necessary to scream.

"Oh, is it not obvious?" HMS snickered. "I'm a _mask salesman, _you twit. I need to get masks SOMEWHERE. Lucky for me, these OCs modeled after different characters are everywhere, wearing masks for me to sell. Who doesn't want to be Amy's little sister, Shadow's doppelganger, and their own goddess, after all? I'll be rich when all this is over, and it's all because of these author's imaginations. And I can never have too many masks to sell…"

The HMS began nearing the lizard and mongoose tied in the corner, who were trying to wriggle out of their rope that prevented them to escape right then and there.

"B-But you're a Zelda character!" Jaxter tried to bring down the HMS with words. "And this is a Sonic Fanfic! Almost no one knows who you are!"

"And you're an OC who was created last minute just to show off the author's ability to show off different adjectives and ability to characterize. What's the difference?" the HMS stood behind Charlie and Jessica as Jaxter couldn't help but watch. "You know, Jaxter…your friends here also have some pretty nifty masks themselves…"

The HMS felt Jessica's face. "This pretty here was based off of Mina Mongoose, her creator's favorite Archie Sonic character…" He felt the mongoose's face as he made a quick yanking motion with his wrist. Jessica's mask was taken by the salesman, as she was now a blank stick figure just like Nikki; when put side by side, one wouldn't be able to tell them apart.

The HMS then turned to Charlie. "And THIS ONE right here is special. He's based on the creator's favorite animal, along with the author's current social status of being a total nerd in school…how interesting, is it not?" The salesman did the same thing to Charlie's face, as the HMS had a mask of an orange lizard with braces, zits, and a lisp in his hands.

Jaxter felt sick. Was he really so under-developed that he was just…copied from someone? Was he REALLY wearing a mask…?

The HMS was there to answer for him…

"And you…" he turned towards the drug dealer. "You're quite special yourself. You're based on some of the people your creator finds at high school at times. And you also seem lax, aloof, and indifferent, like a normal teenager. Oh, and let's not forget your name…"

"My name?" Jaxter thought. Where DID Jaxter get his name from? Jaxter did sound cool…maybe he was named after a super hero, or a random Archie Sonic character, or even one of the author's friends!

Ha. Not even close.

For an elf-eared man with sleeked-back yellow hair and goggles along with a weasel-like thing on his shoulder with a matching pair of goggles stormed into the office, slamming the door behind him.

"This the kid?" Jak pointed at Jaxter as he glared at the HMS.

"This is he." the HMS gestured at the drug dealer.

"Finally!" Daxter exclaimed. "We've been looking everywhere for this poser twerp!"

"What…what…" Jaxter stammered, as the HMS said:

"You were named after the first hero/sidekick video game characters that your creator could think of. She was originally going to go with 'Snakacon' or 'Marigi', but…" Jak and Daxter gritted their teeth as their fists tightened. "She wanted to at least make you sound sophisticated… Make sure you don't break his mask, boys. I'm not too sure who would want to buy it over at Castle Town, but I don't know. Maybe someone out there wants to be a lax drug dealer…doubt it, though, but still…have fun."

"Got it, HMS. Thanks…" Jaxter the OC trembled in front of the origins of his name, as he was soon to realize that being an OC wasn't all roses…

As the HMS waited for Jaxter's mask to be given to him…

"Oh my God!" Buster's OMGMYFELLOWOCFRIENDSAREINDANGER radar went off inside his head. He was lying on the ground with a broken nose, but totally disregarding that, he sprinted out of the gym as soon as Knuckles answered his phone that had Sonic on the other line and turned in the other direction. "I gotta go find my friends!"


	11. The Cat Has Gotta Go!

From WHERE WE LEFT OFF!, Sonic and Eggman were calling all their homies over to a super-secret location to discuss how they could possibly get back to the way things were, where Sonic was battling ol' Egg-face while being chased by his fangirl and meeting up with some amigos and anti-heroes in the process.

Now, Sonic and Eggman were now in the company of Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Cream, Tikal, Blaze, Silver, Rouge, Shadow, Maria, (who were STILL making out, those animals...God, I suck at metaphors too...), Vector, Espio, Charmy, (who were making out too...I won't even attempt at any comparisons...), Gerald, Vanilla, Rouge, Omega, (Rouge was still passed out from philosophical overload, so Omega had to carry her to the super-secret meeting spot), and Sally decided to show up for the lump of it.

Yep. I'm probably missing someone. But if I keep rambling on about unnecessary detail, maybe no one will notice!

Like I was saying, these nineteen rebellious rebels of rebellion met at this location to talk of plots. Of deceit. Such treachery...

In Eggman's van.

...What? Subway was too crowded, the boy's bathroom was no-manettes-land for the dames, deliquents could overhear the whole thing in Eggman's office and the Kawaii Sleepover-ing class was in session!

Now, you're probably thinking that this van was crowded, right? Ha, ha WRONG. For you see, this is EGGMAN'S van, so everyone knows that Eggman has to have a personally made van that's large enough to hold his fat...I mean, fluffiness. Don't wanna offend anyone.

"Alright..." Eggman started, ducking because he forgot to tell the guys over at Top Gear not to make the roof too short for his tall stature. "You are all...probably wondering...why you are all here..."

"WHAT?" Amy bellowed, wishing Eggman could use sign language...or that BTR wasn't such a blessing on the earth enough to make her want to destroy her eardrums from blasting one of their songs without the Windows Down. I just made a pun. Lolz.

"I said..." Eggman was about to state, but Omega cut him off, pointing at Amy. Being rude is just a conspiracy.

"I BELIEVE SHE IS DEAF, YOU MEATBAG."

"M-Meatbag...?"

"YES, MEATBAG, YOU-"

"Aw, shut up, will you?!" Knuckles was still fuming due to that goffik trying to beat down on a "prep" like himself, for everyone knows that goffs and preps will never love each other and will always battle each other, never being friends, finding common interests, and throwing their differences out the window. Knuckles, with his bloody fists that I decided to put in to show you how violent Knuckles got in that bloody fight against Buster that was bloodily filled with hyper-realistic/active/red/I should-really-stop-using-slashes blood, turned to Sonic. "Now why are we here?"

"Well," Sonic decided to continue on Eggman's statement. Not just because Knuckles asked him to, but because Eggman would keep all nineteen of them in the van till kingdom come. Whatever THAT meant. "You should all know by now that things are FAR from normal."

"Yeah!" Tails nodded in agreement with his bozzum. "I was trying to find you to explain the weird stuff _I've _been experiencing around here! Like Knuckles throwing me across the gym like a rag-doll just to fight a goffik OC neither one of us communicated with before!"

Sonic raised an eyebrow and turned to Knuckles.

"You did _what _now?"

"W-Well, he's okay!" Knuckles awkwardly chuckled like Sonic, unlike what his theme song would want you to believe. "I mean...I didn't...heheh..."

Sonic gave him a death glare that the Grim Reaper could die from. I laughed that was so dumb for me to type.

"O...kay...anyway," Sonic nodded. "Has anyone else been experiencing anything weird around here? It could help us get to what the big problem is around here...what's been making us act...different."

Sonic then realized that ellipses DID make him sound suspenseful, and that Eggman was right for once.

Grab a pillow, dear reader. You'll be here for a while.

Right when Sonic made this request, Professor Gerald Robotnik raised his hand.

"Yeah, Shadow the Hedgehog's pater?" Sonic nodded, waiting for the old guy to get to his explanation.

"Three things." Gerald stated. "One, I've been following this drunken, pervy crocodile around all day, who was making out with that rabbit lady in the salad bar at his own Pizza Hut."

Cream's eyes widened, getting so wide, I couldn't think of a simile. Not even a bad one. Yeah. THAT wide. She turned to Vector with an unusually shocked expression.

"You've been making out with my mom?!" Cream gasped to him.

"N-Now, sweetie..." Vanilla said her first and probably only line in this entire story, since I really don't care about her character at all. "Don't freak out. It was just one time and..."

And then Cream fainted, because I can't think of anything else for her to say at the moment that would be meaningful, amusing, or...whatever. She just fainted from shock. Yeah. That's a good excuse.

Gerald, like myself and probably yourself as well, didn't really care about the fainting, apparent teenager, so he simply continued.

"Second, they're making out..." he pointed at Espio and Charmy, and Vector noticed immediately.

"But, Gerald! Didn't you remember Chapter 8?" Vector shrugged towards the old guy while doing some gesture towards Espio and Charmy just to show everyone that he was acknowledging those two crazy kids. "Going yaoi is normal around here!"

It was then that everyone got all suspicious-like.

"...What's yaoi?" Blaze asked, making sure that everyone acknowledged her existence. Vector's eyes widened as he remembered that one Fanfic he read the night before about how a blue teenage furry and his best friend, (of the same gender, duh der), were slowly realizing their affections.

"Ha, ha! Sonic and Tails? Oh, that's silly!" Vector thought to himself, giving both Sonic and Tails awkward stares. "It's obvious they're friends! It's even a seven-year...well, actually two month difference in this high school Fanfic, b-but that doesn't matter! They're friends and that's all there is to it! So there! Sonic and Tails would NEVER make out and give each other a 'lemon'...whatever THAT is! Wow! I never thought about so much in my life! High-five, Mr. Cranium! You sure did pull through!"

Vector began talking to himself the rest of the time inside his mind, and Gerald soon noticed that when Vector was banging his head like he was listening to some rock band. Mr. Cranium, lucky for Vector, was able to book an Evanescene concert live inside [insert sugoi nickname for Vecky-Bear here, and come to think of it, brackets oughta hang with the slashes as their over-usage is something they have in common]'s head.

The professor rolled his eyes, groaned, and decided to do exactly what the title of Chapter 10 suggested him to do.

The second part of that title, anyway.

...Just roll with it.

The professor slapped them both up-side their heads, and as soon as he did, both the chameleon and bumble-bee opened their eyes to see their lips locked on each other's. They took quick gasps before...

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE FREAKING HELL?!" the two screamed simultaneously at each other's faces, now remembering their age difference and current relationship status with each other: annoying yet bitter disdain. But intimacy?

That is NO GOOD! Repeating jokes from the last chapter is the way I ro fo sho, broseph.

They conjured toothbrushes and dispensible soap from thin air, (Maxwell was standing right behind them,) and began the mouth cleansing cycle, thinking abou how many episodes of SpongeBob they would have to watch to get the mental image of their counterpart on top of them while smooching their bouche out of their heads while getting their innocence levels back in order. (The innocence level thing was more directed towards Charmy, but I digress. Parentheses are also pretty popular around these parts. They along with the diagonal slashes and brackets I've been using too often for my own good oughta go bowling.)

And finally, Gerald concluded his explanation with his third observation:

"And..." he gulped his vomit down, knowing that his grand-son would hijack his space colony again just to blow up the other half of the moon if anyone got anything on the villainous mastermind's vehicle's upholstery. "They're still making out..."

He pointed at Shadow the Hedgehog and Maria Robotnik, who have been putting so many steamy ideas into the heads of all perverted teens everywhere...like myself. Even Sonic's eyes...well, uh, eye, got big.

"Uh..." Sonic couldn't help but hear that ridiculous grunting and witness them overly exaggerated sexy actions. Interpret that any way you so choose, dear, confused reader.

[insert kinkyness here]

No one could really think of any way to stop _that _crazy couple, nor did anyone wish to intervene. So, everyone else in the van decided to ignore this, even though Gerald couldn't fathom forgetting that his son and grand-daughter were becoming snipers right next to him. Blech.

"Anyone else?" Sonic waited for someone else to raise his hand. So Silver happily oblidged. Sonic saw that blue symbol thingy on Silver's palm immediately. "Yeah, Silver? What is it?"

Silver's lower body looked like the bottom half of a Barbie doll if you gave it to my labrador retriever to "play" with, but he didn't seem to be in much pain. In fact, a Band-Aid or two did the trick, as it did with apparently every other injury, illness, and whatever the hell could be wrong with someone.

"Frokaci..." Silver began. "Hria credvy poiyo tutua..."

Everyone gave him a stare.

"...What?" Tikal asked. She won the Get To Say "...What?" In Chapter 11 Sweepstakes! Congratu-freaking-lations to her!

Wait...oh, whoops! I forgot to turn on the the translator!

...Ah! There we go!

"What...did you...say, Silver?" It's been a while since Eggman's said something.

"Frokaci..." Silver repeated. "Hria credvy poiyo tutua..."

_FIRST OFF...I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THE FRICKEN-BRACKEN I'M TALKING IN THIS LANGUAGE..._

"Redo brenta, qwerty swiusa...wrey kuku azuta laruel..."

_AND APPARENTLY BLAZE AND I HAVE A THING, BUT I SWEAR TO MOUNT OLYMPUS THAT I'M SUPPOSED TO COMPLETELY FORGET I KNOW HER...AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I JUST SAID MOUNT OLYMPUS..._

"Silver actually...DOES have a point..." Blaze pointed out, going mainstream and using dot-dot-dots. For if everyone started squirting acid at their faces, she'd simply follow suit with no questions since everyone else would be doing it. "I have an insane crush on him...I don't know why, though, since again...the only way I know him is through this Fanfic..."

"Okay, so unexplained pairings and OOC-ness." Sonic hummed. "Anything else?"

"Oh yeah." Gerald raised his hand again. "Maria's supposed to be a human, and we're both supposed to be dead."

"Oh, really?" Tikal said. Thesaurus-using advocates along with everyone else who has me on their hate-lists, find me. I dare you. "Me too! Chaos and I were actually supposed to have brunch at noon today, but I was too busy getting busy with Knuckles!"

"Also," Sally the Beyatch began to speak. "I think I was a nice girl once. But then I began acting mean to even Sonic and started wearing overly detailed attire when I normally wear a blue vest and blue boots. But now I got on this obnoxiously bright T-shirt that shows off my suddenly appeared clevage to the rest of the world that just screams 'Sally Acorn's a slut!', along with these Apple Bottom jeans and boots with the fur."

"Geez," Tails whistled. Whistling "Geez." Whoa, the kid's got talent. "I bet that gets a lot of looks."

"Yeah. Especially at clubs." Sally nodded, thinking of those whispering behind her back in the Underwater Basket Weaving Club.

"Okay...and random details..." Sonic bit his lip while Eggman nodded his head in thought. "What else?"

"WHERE'S BIG?" Amy yelled. "I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM ANYWHERE IN THIS FANFIC, EVEN THOUGH HE IS A SONIC CHARACTER!"

"Actually..." Eggman once again proved that he still had the ability to talk. "He's here..."

"WHAT?" Amy still couldn't hear that crazy guy, but Eggman pointed to where her attention should be directed to.

For a fat, purple cat was crossing her eyes while sitting in a corner and tearing out pages of the dictionary, shoving the pages in his ears. Everyone watched him do this, as he attention was directed to...whatever he was doing.

"...What's he doing?" Tails asked either his best bro or worst enemy.

"Well..." Eggman answered. "He's shoving the pages of the dictionary in his ears because he thinks that, once the pages reach his brain over time, he'll get 'more smarted'."

Everyone else was silent, until Knuckles shrugged and nodded, saying:

"So far, that's one of the only things in this Fanfic that make sense."

After a moment or two of thinking, everyone in the van who had the ability to contemplate thoroughly couldn't help but nod in agreement; this didn't apply to Vector, since he was too busy being Everybody's Fool to think about much else.

"Alright...I think...that's...enough to...back up on..." Eggman nodded.

"Yeah." Sonic agreed. "Weird events, awkward pairings, sudden character/OC pop-ups, Silver's language, unexplained plot-lines, character revivals, and just the fact we're in high-school in the first place...yeah. I think that's enough at the moment."

"Now all we have to do," Tails bit his lip. "Is figure out how to get things back to normal."

Everyone had a revelation, in some way, even though you probably figured out that was exactly the Sonic Team needed to do this entire freaking time.

"But how are we gonna do that, I wonder?" Blaze thought out loud. Attention hog.

"Hmm..." Everyone in the van proclaimed, though they seriously needed to think of something quickly instead of just..."Hmm..."-ing.

But after a little bit of "Hmm..."-ing...

"I GOT IT!" Amy screamed. And shouted. And let it...eh, I'll stop. But she DID have an idea...

"What is it, Amy?!" Knuckles bellowed angrily. He was angry, and for many, in character. One would think he would get over that dayum gazelle already, but hey, who are the readers to judge?

"WELL," Oh, and Amy heard that response, by the way. What was that? She was deaf? Oh. Right. ...Well, she read Knuckles' lips. How 'bout that? "WHY DON'T WE KILL PURRFECT?"

"W-WHAT?!" Sonic virtually bellowed, but he's not deaf. Just throwing that out there. "Amy, what'd make you say that?!"

Amy paused for a moment, then shrugged, saying in all-caps to express the extreme volume of her voice:

"I DON'T KNOW! WE WERE ALL JUST TALKING ABOUT HOW WE CAN MAKE THE WORLD RIGHT AGAIN, AND I KNOW THAT THE WORLD WOULD BE RIGHT IF _WE _WERE TOGETHER AND NOT YOU AND PURRFECT BEING AN ITEM! BESIDES, 'SONURRFECT' DOESN'T ROLL OFF THE TONGUE AS MUCH AS 'SONAMY' DOES! AND THE ONLY FANGIRL OF 'SONURRFECT' IS THE AUTHOR, WHO MADE PURRFECT IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

Lip-reading is a gift, ladies and gentlemen. And that Amy girl, man, she be having it.

"Amy, you're crazy!" Sonic sputtered.

"I KNOW!" Amy replied. "THAT'S WHY SEGA MADE ME YOUR FANGIRL!"

Though everyone knew how much of a looney-brain Amy was, they decided to take in her advice anyway. Hey, they were in a crisis at the moment. Crisis equals desperation.

Once again, the more you know!

And not only did everyone take Amy's idea into consideration, (besides Sonic, who couldn't believe what he was hearing, Vector, who was Going Under with some killer rock music inside his head, Big, who was too stupid to listen, Shadria, who were...yeah, and Cream and Rouge, who were both passed out due to lack of creativity,) but...

"Amy...actually...has...a point." Eggman shrugged his shoulders. Sonic was completely, utterly, pitifully confuzzled and astounded, along with dazed, betrayed, and exceedingly bewildered.

"Eggman, whose side are you on?!" Sonic just seriously, honestly, couldn't at all get this. At all.

"I wasn't...on your side to...start with..." Eggman answered. "This...is a temporary...alliance..."

"And Sonic, can't believe I'm saying this..." Tails sighed. Oh deary-me, not Sonic's broseph too! "But I actually agree with Eggman and Amy on this."

"Wha...wha..."

"Before all the adverbs and adjectives the author can think of for the words 'mutiny' and 'confusion' are used up, let me explain their logic." ...Move over, Shadow. Tails is slowly turning into my favorite Sonic character ever for that one line right there... "How long have you known Purrfect?"

"Uh..." Sonic counted on his digits. "In total...about six hours."

"Uh-huh..." Tails nodded. "And how long have you and Purrfect been 'Sonurrfect'?"

"...Five hours and forty minutes?"

"And in that time you've known her, have you two disagreed on anything?"

"...No."

"Any fights?"

"Nope."

"Noticed anything...displeasing about her?"

"Non."

"Any physical or mental screw-ups you've seen or heard her have? Be honest with me, broski."

"Hmm...nein."

"Okay. Final question." Tails waited for a grand total of ten, count 'em, TEN seconds before he asked... "Do you love her with all your heart and soul at the point where you'd be willing to watch every single episode of the past few seasons of Toddlers and Tiaras back to back strapped to a chair if it meant that her life would be spared?"

Sonic, surpisingly with no questions asked, exclaimed:

"Si. Oui. Why ever not?"

Everyone in the van gasped...well, the ones that were paying attention did. Tails nodded, stating:

"Just as I thought. Sonic..." Tails sighed. "I believe that Purrfect is what is known as a...a Mary-Sue."

"A _what_?!" Sonic sputtered.

"A Mary-Sue is a character that's perfect at everything she does...which is, in this case, Purrfect." Tails explained. "She's got it all, Sonic. Good looks, excessive talent, unrealistic charisma that could rival that of a Disney princess', and most of all...she's got you, the main canon protagonist of their own video game, hooked immediately."

"...What do you mean?" Sonic the Delusional asked Tails the Friggin' Genius.

"Let's...check out some flashbacks..." Tails stared off into the distance, as the flashbacks began rolling...

_SUDDEN FLASHBACK MOMENTS_

_Anyway, about the ridiculously crafted OC that took three minutes to create._

_She was a pretty rainbow cat, with fiery ember "orbs" and luscious hair that went down to her mid-back. She had a nice figure, magnificent...um...hair, and was also skinny, tall, and just plain perfect to Sonic. She was the smartest, funniest girl that he ever came across...even if they were only acquianted for about twenty minutes. Twenty minutes was all Sonic ever needed, however, to realize that "She's the one I've been waiting for all my life!"_

"All your life?" the present-day Tails huffed. We'll be flipping back and forth for a while, reader. But don't worry about Tails going from past to present like this. Trust him. He's the Kitsune. "The Sonic _I _know wouldn't wait for anything. And honestly, rainbow? Come on, man!"

_There was just one thing..._

_Sonic had no idea what her name was._

_"Maybe I'll coicidentally see her in high school!"_

"And he DID!" Knuckles suddenly exclaimed, still alive. "That CAN'T be a coincidence!"

"Moving on..." Tails continued with the observations.

_Purrfect chuckled. "...I've had straight As all my life, have been the captain of the cheer squad, soccer, basketball, and volleyball teams that had flawless seasons at my past schools, and have also won all the Quiz Bowls, Spelling Bees, and all other events I've come across! I was also the leader of the French Club, Glee Club, and Harry Potter Appreciation Guild, even though I've only seen the movies and never once glanced at the books!"_

"Wow...that's a lot of stuff..." Blaze marvelled at Purrfect's insane ability.

"Jurquaza raichu natu..." Silver said that, but I'm just too lazy to translate it.

_Right when Sonic was about to complete his question, Purrfect leaned in and planted a kiss on his face. Sonic felt beautiful on the inside, and even though this is hard for the writer to describe what it feels like to have a kiss with a love interest/partner since she has only kissed a boy one time last minute after watching Wreck-It-Ralph and therefore doesn't have much experience, how's about we go into further detail and add in some fluff? THE FANGIRLS DEMAND IT!_

"Fangirls?" Espio repeated. "So THAT was why Charmy and I were making out all that time! To merely please the fangirls who liked that pairing! And who kisses after such a short matter of time, anyway?"

While Espio came up with that brilliant observation, Charmy said:

"The author had her first kiss after watching Wreck-It-Ralph?" he snickered. "Wow..."

_Sonic and Purrfect felt their hearts beat as one. They felt as though they were flying through the air, they were so in love. It didn't matter if they only knew each other for a total of forty minutes! Who cared that it wasn't logical for them to take it this fast? This is Fanfiction; there is no logic anymore..._

_This. Is. Love!_

"WHOEVER MEATBAG WROTE THAT IS ACTUALLY CORRECT AT THE MOMENT." Omega remarked. "THERE WAS NO LOGIC PUT INTO THIS AT ALL."

_"You have a girlfriend?" Sally asked. "Is it Amy?"_

_"No! It's this outrageously awesome girl, Purrfect!"_

_"Oh! So she's perfect?"_

_"Yeah! Her name's Purrfect!"_

_"Oh, really? Then what is it?"_

_"...I just told you. Purrfect."_

_"Than what is it?"_

_"I just told you!"_

_"No you didn't! You said it was perfect!"_

_"Exactly!"_

_"So...WHAT'S HER NAME?!"_

_"I. JUST. TOLD. YOU!"_

_"Sonic! Can't you just answer the freaking question?!"_

_"I DID!"_

_"No you didn't!"_

_"Yes I did!"_

"_Purrfect _the Lynx/Cat?" Gerald snickered. "What's with the cat-pun?"

"...Oh! Her name is _Purrfect_!" Sally tisked as she felt her pants were slowly pinching her blood vessels. Both Sonic and Gerald face-palmed...waiting for the flashbacks proving the Mary-Sue-ness to end...

_Tikal giggled in a bubbly fashion, cuz girls are, like, ALWAYS annoyingly happy no matter what they say. "I suddenly remembered that we all tried out in an unexplained scene and, according to my memory, I apparently watched her try out! I guess she also looked kawaii in her cotton-poly blend cheerleader uniform, which was rainbow to signify our school colors, and she also had rainbow pom-poms with multi-colored streamers! Her rainbow fur was so rainbow-y and beautiful, that I fainted on the spot from her beauty and purrfection! She's just so...so..."_

_"PURRFECT!" Blaze, Cream, and Tikal exclaimed as Amy sulked while listening to Big Time Rush on her own iPod and Rouge was simply unaffected by all this excitement._

"I practiced twelve hours a day for the past two weeks and got fourteen waxes done just for that try-out, too..." Tikal hummed. "Yet all Purrfect had to do was just...stand there...and to think, we were happy for her!"

_Not like Sonic could hear the mustached-man, as was drooling all over the evil genius' mahogany desk while dreaming about those epic twenty minutes he had with Purrfect the Lynx/Cat that summer. He still didn't really remember what he was doing with her that day, but he was for CERTAIN he spent it sacrificing some of the grain and fruit he had in his pantry at her altar. I mean, if you were in front of the Goddess of Sonic Fanfiction, what would you do?_

"And I think we could end all the flasbacks right here." Tails said.

_OH. REALLY? OKAY. END OF FLASHBACKS MOMENT. ...END OF MOMENT OF FLASHBACKS? ERM..._

Tails kept the last line of that italicized paragraph into mind. "'Goddess of Sonic Fanfiction'? Seriously? Think about this, Sonic..."

Sonic turned to Tails, sulking with some pouty face on.

"Throughout this Fanfic, things were already weird. We knew that. But from the very beginning, what have almost all of us been crazy over? This girl we never met before prior to going to 'Rainbow Emerald High'. And don't you find it _a little weird _that Purrfect just _ironically _came to the exact same school? And that's another thing. Why are we all even here? I'll tell you why. We're here just to show off what some call 'good characterization', in the hopes that Purrfect can become the greatest Sonic OC of all time, along with being in the most 'kawaii' Fanfiction ever with as many reviews as possible along with as much fangirly-ness as one can possibly muster in words. She's the reason why all this is happening. The OCs, plot bunnies, bizarre antics...all of it. And we've all been playing along this entire time. Especially you. So...the only thing we can do now..." Tails shrugged and sighed for the 56,393,294,758,947.46th time. "Is eliminate her. I'm sorry, Sonic...that's just the way it has to be."

Sonic then just remembered something...

The Spear of Sue...

_REALLY? ANOTHER FLASHBACK MOMENT?! UGH..._

_"Legend has it that if you stab a Mary Sue with it, it will be wiped out from existence liked they were never concieved!"_

_END OF FLASHBACK, EVEN THOUGH THAT WAS PRETTY DANG SHORT._

Sonic did some heavy contemplating on this. Kill Purrfect? Oh geez, why would he just...oh, who was he kidding? All of his friends wanted him to stab her, so who was he to say no to that? But he loved her...even though he had no idea what he was doing with her for those twenty minutes they first met. Not like he'd remember it if he killed the love of his life...

Oh...THE ANGST...

But screw it. Even in a messed up world like High School AU, Sonic knew that angst just wasn't his style. He just didn't know if he was okay with killing a girl his age...not like it would matter, since she was going to be wiped out from existence and no one would remember her if she DID die. And that WAS a good make-out in front of Amy...did he really want to forget that?

In the end, Sonic grasped the spear and stepped out of the van, with everyone else who found the will to pay attention saw him off. This was _Sonic's _burden. And besides, Sonic ALWAYS saves the day. CAPITALIZATION, /es, []s, and () are just...purrfect for each other.

Sonic kept walking farther and farther away from the van with his spear, knowing what must be done. And ironically enough, there was Purrfect, standing right where she could meet Sonic. The cobalt hero stopped in front of the chromatic feline, feeling his heart beat faster than he could ever run.

Yes, reader. His heart exploded.

"Oh! Sonic! Glad to see you here..." she exclaimed, not noticing the weapon that was planned to go right through her for the sake of everything going back to normal. "I have some big news..."

But Sonic had to kill her right then! It would only take a matter of seconds and...

Well, Sonic figured that he could let the Mary-Sue have a few...last words...

Little did he know that she was about to say six words that would destroy everything...

"I'm pregnant," she announced. "And you're the father!"


	12. Pregnancy? Ain't Nobody Got Time Fo Dat!

"...Are you, now?" Sonic was gonna faint in front of his six-hour-GF, as his heart was threatening to burst into bits.

"Yep!" Purrfect brushed off her cheerleader uniform, which was just one of her more stylish pieces of attire that brought all the boys to the yard, even though her "assets" were reserved for her beau. "Sure am."

"...But you don't look pregnant!"

"Ha! Of course I don't, Sonic!" Purrfect laughed. "Everyone knows I have to get fat to look pregnant, and I don't wish to ruin my purrfect houglass figure! Ha! Did you see that cat pun, there? Wasn't that clever, Sonic?"

Sonic's mouth was hung open slightly, as he hung limp with his eye twitching. Did he seriously slow down in life, getting this chick preggers? He just didn't know how to respond. So, Purrfect grinned widely and expressed another God-gifted statement:

"Well, I gotta go prepare a sugoi cheer routine for the cross country meet tonight at six against that other generic high school, because there are cheerleaders at cross country meets..." Purrfect swung her just-now-appeared duffle across her shoulder. Maxwell wasn't there, though, nor did he need to be. For you see, Purrfect is so purrfect, she can conjure anything she wants with no help. So yeah. "Bye, Sonic!"

And the next thing you knew, she Chaos Controlled out of her BF's site. (I can give her any abilities I want. So yeah. Shut up, m'kay?)

Sonic stood with the spear in hand, having no idea what to do next, besides telling those in the "Viva la Revolution!" clan about their newest hinderance...

_**ERMEHGERDAPLOTTWISTYAYZ!**_

"You got her _WHAAAAAAAAT?!" _everyone in the van who had the attention span to listen to Sonic's "big news" gasped in unison.

"W-Well...I guess so..." Sonic stuttered, knowing that his fifteen-year-old self was now a baby daddy.

"How in the FUDGING HELL did you get her pregnant?! And WHEN?!" Knuckles slammed his fist in the van door every three syllables just for the sake of interpreting rhythm in his speech.

"...Fudging?" Tikal questioned.

"Meh. The author programmed a censor, last time I heard." Knuckles shrugged. "Didn't wanna 'offend' anyone with 'more foul' language or anything else 'obsene'."

"Too late." Gerald retorted as he pointed at Shadria. "I mean, has she BEEN around these two hooligans? She's completely denied the fact that SOME people out there are friends with people of the opposite sex. Just. Friends. _And nothing else_. And she doesn't find _that _offensive to people reading this?"

"Obviously not." Blaze shrugged. "I mean, she IS a high-schooler, after all."

Gerald sat there in silence for five seconds and groaned:

"Good point..."

"Guys, can we focus here?!" Sonic clenched his fists. "I'm gonna be the flippin' DAD of that Mary-Sue's CHILD!"

"Whoa, since when did everyone start using all-caps every couple of words?" Charmy said.

"SHUT UP, CHARMY!" stated everyone, because no one loves Charmy since he's the Magikarp of the Sonic Team: his useless existence annoys everyone.

"Sorry." Charmy replied, hoping his ADHD-fueled Magikarp-likeness wouldn't do much more damage mentally to anyone around him.

"When could you have gotten _Purrfect_, a girl you knew for almost six hours total, pregnant?" Tails, like everyone else, was...meh, you know.

"And using italics…" Charmy thought out loud. "When did that get popular all of a su-"

"FALCON CHOP!" Espio hit that sensitive spot on the back of Charmy's neck with a meme-fueled karate chop. You know, he hit that spot that makes people pass out in them 80s action movies? Yeah. I don't know what else Charmy could say neither.

So…yeppers.

"I don't know…" Sonic dismissed the fact that Espio abused a six-year-old child. There's no law enforcement 'round Sonic Land, anyway. I mean, there's GUN, but they suck; they killed Maria back when she was a human, so that automatically makes dem stoopid. "Maybe it was, like, ethers or something?"

"ETHERS? SONIC!" Amy bellowed, gaining her hearing back miraculously again for about, like, ten seconds. "EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET A GIRL PREGNANT IS PLAYING THE PIANO WITH HER!"

"…Playing the piano?"

"UH-HUH! THE AUTHOR'S CENSOR ALSO APPLIES TO BRINGING UP 'THE ACT' DIRECTLY, SO SHE USED THE TERM 'PLAYING THE PIANO' AS AN INNUENDO FOR IT! OTHER ACCEPTED INNUENDOS WOULD BE 'COOKING IN THE KITCHEN', 'BAKING A CAKE', AND 'SHOOTING MACHINE GUNS'!"

Once Amy replied with those words, Shadow's eyes got big and stuff as he quickly pried off of Maria's hedgehog body.

"What…?" Maria was flabbergasted that the shooting session was actually over. "Shady-Bear…why did you stop?"

"Sorry, Maria," Shadow quickly brushed his sexah chest hair back in its linear, proper format. "But I don't think our OC child named Shade would make it in a globbed up world like this one."

"…Why would we name our child 'Shade'?"

"Trust me, Maria. It's always the case." Shadow then turned to his left, where he saw his creator giving him some weird look of disgust. "Whoa, Professor! When did you get here?!"

Gerald facepalmed while Maria sulked, disappointed that she would no longer be able continue her virginity-losing experience at age twelve.

"Well…that doesn't matter…at the moment…" Eggman said bluntly yet exceedingly slowly like usual. "What matters…is that…we must…destroy…Purrfect."

"Dude, are you kidding me?!" Sonic rubbed his temple, trying to insure to his temple that everything would somehow be okay. "I just figured out that she is PREGNANT. We can't kill a pregnant girl!"

"Why not...?"

"W-WHY NOT?!" Sonic stood up in the van, but then winced when he hit his head, so he sat back down. Top Gear, man. "Have you even WATCHED Sonic X?"

"Of course not..."

"Well, you said in your own words that 'when you hurt someone, that's going too far'! And that goes for fifteen-year-old pregnant high schoolers!"

"I never...said that..."

"Well, maybe not, but I paraphrased that and-"

"GUYS!" Tails was getting fusterated, knowing that the whole "Viva La Revolution" was disrupted by something they would've learned in Playing the Piano Ed., if they learned anything in Rainbow Emerald High to start with. "Can we shut up for five minutes and actually remember we have a reality to get back to?!"

Sonic and Eggman gave each other a glare, as Big the Cat was stuffing the dictionary definitions for "cockamamy" and "predicament" in his noggin.

"THE TWO-TAILED MEATBAG HAS A POINT, ALONG WITH THE EGG-SHAPED MEATBAG." Omega's alive too, dear reader. Yayz. "WE MUST COMPLETE THIS MISSION AT ALL COSTS. EVEN IF IT MEANS KILLING THE IMPREGNANTED CREATION THAT THE AUTHOR'S IMAGINATION HAS SPAWNED."

As soon as Omega said something about the riveting, new page-turner of a narrative hook, Rouge woke up. I finally thought of something for her to say. Yay freakin' me.

"Huh...? What happened?" Rouge peered around the van. "Are we in Eggman's car...?"

"Van, Rouge..." Eggman answered, as Rouge, instead of questioning why they were in an evil genius' van, nodded and had a look of indifference upon her super hot-to-Sonic-fanboys face.

"Oh." she hummed, simply sitting there and mentally lurking through any form of a conversation that was to ensue. Did she know what they were talking about? No. Of course not. But this whole dealy here was like a chat-room: you have no idea what some people are talking about, but you lurk anyway, don't you?

"But...but..." Sonic wanted to retaliate, but now E-123 HK-47 wanted to terminate the lynx/cat? How could he defy such a force?

"All those in favor of killing the Mary-Sue prego or not, say 'Aye'." Tails stated, raising his hand.

A bunch of people in the van said "Aye.", including Cream, Charmy and Vector, who were once mentally occupied or fainted in some weird circumstance but now were in full focus and ready to carry the plot along. Rouge also said "Aye.", but she had no idea what she was agreeing to. Silver said "Koolim-pah!", which everyone assumed was "Aye!" in his language.

I can't keep the censor and translator on at the same time, ya know.

"Well...okay! It's settled..." Eggman nodded his head. "Majority rules..."

"Whoa, wait! I didn't agree to killing Purrfect!" Sonic sputtered. I'm just using that word WAY too much...meh, I'll just leave the thesaurus-using advocates to suffer. "Where did everyone's morals go?! This is a _PREGNANT TEENAGE GIRL _we're talking about here!"

"All-caps and italics at once?" Charmy made a quick observation. "Gee, don't you think that's a little-"

Espio held up his karate chop hand to Charmy, and that immediately shut that bee up.

"Sonic, make a choice..." Eggman huffed. "Your family...or your reality..."

Ain't nobody got time for Sonic to make a choice, so everyone else in the van decided to make the decision of continuing the plot even further by contuining on their operation of killing that rainbow feline.

"Okay," Tails got Maxwell to create a map of Rainbow Emerald High, even though in the game Scribblenauts, you can't put in any specific names like REHS. Meh. That entire bit right there just contradicted itself, but video games nor Fanfiction have much logic within them anyway, so it all works out. "Anyone know where Purrfect will be in the next hour?"

Sonic knew exactly where...

_SUDDEN FLASHBACK MOMENT. GOD THIS GOT CUMBERSOME FROM THE VERY BEGINNING..._

_"Well, I gotta go prepare a sugoi cheer routine for the cross country meet tonight against that other generic high school..."_

_WOW. THAT WAS ANTI-CLIMATIC FOR IT TO BE A FLASHBACK._

Sonic thought about all the great times he had with Purrfect. The laughs they shared, the make-out sessions they had...but he also remembered the chili-dogs he ate, the true friends he had, and the robots he'd destroy...

Ain't nobody got time to give up that...

"Here. At the track." Sonic spoke up. Prego or not, he wasn't gonna be a daddy in such a bizzare, unfamiliar world with a lynx/cat he only knew for a quarter of a day in total. "She's gonna be cheerleading at the cross country meet there."

Everyone gave Sonic a stare, as some wondered what a pregnant teenager was doing participating in an activity such as cheerleading.

"Sonic..." Sally was back to her caring, in-character self for, like, ten seconds, even if by her attire she still looked like a conceited slut. "Are you sure you wanna do this?"

"Yeah..." Sonic then got pumped up at screamed: "YEAH! LIVE THE RESISTANCE! YEAH! WOOOO!"

Once again, everyone in the van gave Sonic a stare, except Big, who was trying to eat the word "ignoramus". He figured his stomach could join in on the intellectuality as his brain had.

"Well, anyway..." Eggman coughed. "Tails...and Knuckles...you will accompany Sonic...on his mission...to kill...Purrfect..."

"Yeah! Killing Purrfect! YEAH!" Sonic got hyped up, too much for Knuckles' comfort.

"Um...love the enthusiasm there, Sonic," Knuckles remarked. "But what's with the sudden mood change? First you were all angsty, now you're all 'Yeah! Kill a pregnant Mary-Sue! Open your heart! YEAH!'"

"Well, Knuckles, Sonic never said anything about Crush 40 songs," Tails decided to answer Knuckles' question, even though it was clearly directed towards Sonic. "But love isn't _that _powerful 'round here. I mean, if Sonic finds something more important to do than get involved in a relationship, he'll do it. Goes for everyone, really. I mean, Amy forgot about Sonic earlier to be with Shadow, and Shadow forgot about Amy to get busy with hedgehog Maria. Same deal."

"And how do YOU know so much, Tails?" Knuckles put his huge mitts on his hips, cocking an eyebrow.

"I'm an intellect. Enough said."

"Can we get back on track, please?"

"Sure. Have no idea who said that, but yeah. Okay..." Tails looked back at Eggman. "What's next?"

"Amy and Sally..." Eggman continued. "You two...will dress up...as...cheerleaders and...direct Sonic to...the location...of the Sue in question."

"Can you talk a little faster, please?" Cream asked cutely to Eggman. Vanilla smiled as a tear ran down from her eye with such happiness because her daughter used such good manners. It's so nice to find polite adolescents nowadays, that teardrops get happy about it. It's especially hard to find good manners on FF, like from what you've seen in certain instances of this story. (And the censor is working again! Yay!)

"Yeah. Sure." Eggman answered, going back to the plan (and his normal way of speaking). Use good manners, children! Even Eggman can't resist them! "Blaze and Silver, you two will hang around the gym. Maybe Purrfect will be going back and forth in the gym to get, say, water or do her make-up or something."

"Can do." Blaze took orders from the mad scientist, even though she was of a higher status than he was, being royalty and all.

"Toshiro ichigo rukia zampacto!"

_I SURE CAN DO THAT!_

"And do you think that you can go back to speaking English, Mister Silver?" Cream gave the time traveller puppy dog eyes. "Pwetty pwease?"

Putting "w"s instead of "l"s? Oh, so kawaii!

Silver pondered over Cream's request for five seconds, until he said:

"Yeah. Okay." Silver's eyes got pretty large and all, and he gasped: "Hey! I can speak English again!"

Remember once again, my wovewy chiwdren: MANNERS!

"That's great, Silver!" Cream cheered.

"Yes. Brilliant. But I wanna build Eggmanland and conquer the universe by imprisoning all woodland creatures in my wake as soon as possible, so I don't care." Eggman stated bluntly. "Anyway, Vector and Grandpapa, you two will find the computer room."

"...Why?" Vector asked in a quizzical fashion.

"And 'Grandpapa'?" Gerald air-quoted that word I quoted. "Seriously, Ivo?"

"Well, I dunno. Had to throw in variety SOMEWHERE." Iv...Eggman shrugged. "And as for the computer room, yes. You two will go there and will go on 'Fanfiction' to find as much as you can on these predicaments we've been going through. High school, these OCs, the pairings, all of it. Maybe this Fanfic isn't the only instance..."

"Meh. Fulfilling memes." Vector folded his arms, nodding in thought. "I can do that."

"Wait a minute!" Charmy snapped. "What about the rest of the Chaotix, huh?!"

"Charmy has a point..." Espio crossed his legs in a yoga position. "What about us?"

"Well," Eggman replied. "You two will be the comedy relief of this operation."

"...Come again?"

"You two will make this whole thing more entertaining for anyone reading this. So far, this mission will lose a lot of people for being confusing and likely hard to follow. So, you two are gonna be the entertainers around here to get people at least remotely interested in our resistant act of terrorism."

"Entertaining?" Charmy buzzed. You know. Cuz he's a bee and junk. "I can do that."

"I can't believe this..." Espio growled with bared teeth.

"Neither can we, Espio. Neither can we." Eggman was beginning to wrap up the planning out of this plan. "And Shadow, Rouge, Maria, and Omega, you four will be spectators at the meet. If Amy and Sally have the inability to get closer to Purrfect, I'll be counting on you four to locate Purrfect. Now," Realizing that he almost didn't use the map at all, he chucked it at Maxwell. Why? Cuz he's evil. The whole "use good manners" rule doesn't apply to him. "Anyone have any questions?"

"Yes." Tikal and Vanilla said at the same time. "What about us?"

"You two do nothing." Eggman answered. "You guys aren't popular, so...yeah. Just sit in the van and look pretty and stuff."

"And what will YOU be doing, exacitily?" Sonic questioned.

"I'll be here guiding everyone in the operation."

"One last question." Tails said.

"Damn, you guys are too curious." You know who that is, I'm sure.

"How will we all communicate?"

Eggman held up his index finger as he crawled over to his glove compartment and pulled out a large box. Top Gear made his glove compartment ginormous. You should stop by Eggman's van and see it some time. I'm sure he'd oblidge if you ask nicely.

Eggman placed down the box as Knuckles took out a black device that one would clip to their ear to talk to others who owned the devices by typing in a certain combination of numbers for each specific person.

No, not a Bluetooth. I'm too original for those...

The Viva La Revolution squad was going to be using...

"Radio devices?" Knuckles asked aloud. "Huh. Neat."

Before you tell me that's unoriginal...

"Yes." Eggman replied. "And they work under a Codec system."

"Codec?" Vector repeated. "Isn't that from that game with that dude who always crawls around in a box or some crap? Metal Gear, or something?"

"Well, yes. Yes it is." Eggman answered.

"Doctor," Shadow clipped the Codec-programmed radio to his ear. "How did you even get these?"

"Well...funny you'd mention that, Shadow..."

_YET ANOTHER...GAH, YOU ALREADY KNOW._

_A man in his thirties had a bunch of radio thingies laid out on a table, trying to sort them out by dividing them. What sucked for him, however, was that he was terrible at long division._

_"So, 119...divided by...GAH! I can't do this!" the man hastily adjusted his glasses, as an adolescent with a cap and green ponytail walked over to the man and said:_

_"I'll take you still can't figure out the math, huh, Otacon?" the teen replied. "Ya know, you can always use a calculator."_

_"I know, N." Otacon replied. "But I'm a friggin' genius! I BUILD friggin' Metal Gear! I SHOULD be able to figure out a simple equation like this!"_

_It was then that the Pokemon trainer's sensitive heart decided that he couldn't take that "snap" from the scientist. His emotions exploded._

_"Well, EXCUUUUUUUSE me, princess!" N retorted. "I didn't realize you were too good for technology!"_

_"Too good for technology?" Otacon repeated. "Dude, I think you're over-reacting."_

_"I'm not over-reacting! YOU ARE!"_

_"...Wha...?"_

_"You and my father are just alike! Thinking that you're too awesome for the world, thinking that I'm just a..." N banged his head on the table he and Otacon were sitting at, wrapping his head with his arms. "A NUISANCE!"_

_"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I never said that!"_

_"But you implied it!"_

_"Hmm..." Otacon hummed as his attention was caught by another teen with a large sword but no shirt on that was walking by. "Cloud, help me out here."_

_"Why?" Cloud remarked cockily. "A guy with rock-hard abs like mine shouldn't have to deal with you commoners. Especially if it has to do with personal problems and...LONG DIVISION..."_

_Otacon groaned, as he heard a man walk into the Pizza Hut the three were currently taking up occupancy in. Dr. Eggman walked up to Otacon's table and said:_

_"That's a...lot of...radios you got...there...huh?" (This was before Cream got all polite with him, remember._

_"Yeah." Otacon answered, dismissing the fact he was a character from Metal Gear while the man in front of him was the main antagonist of Sonic the Hedgehog. "I'm trying to divide the total of all these Codec-programmed portable communicators/radios here to sell on eBay. But I just can't divide at all! I don't know what it is, but I'm beginning to suck at math and I have no idea how!"_

_"Well..." Eggman stared at all those mobile radios. "I'll...take them...off your hands...if you want...so you...don't have...to...worry...about them..."_

_"Eh. Okay. Go ahead. Take them all. I'm sure the guys over at Philanthropy wouldn't mind..." Otacon shrugged as Eggman put all the radios in a box. "By the way, any particular reason as to why you're talking so slow?"_

_"Dramatic effect..." Eggman answered._

_"Right." Otacon said as Eggman left the restaurant that Vector the Crocodile owned. One second later, Otacon questioned to himself: "Wait a minute, wasn't that guy from Sonic the Hedgehog?"_

_Right when he asked this, a weird turtle thing flew in as the owner of Pizza Hut and some old guy got off and talked briefly. Then, a pretty female rabbit walked up to the crocodile, and the next thing Otacon knew, they were making out in the salad bar as the old guy was vomitting._

_And all Otacon could muster was:_

_"What the hell is going on?" As N starting crying in a corner while Cloud was trying to hit on some girls by displaying his bare chest._

_YEAH. LIKE WHAT YOU JUST READ MADE SENSE. BUT HEY! IT WAS RANDOM! AND RANDOMNESS IS THE ONLY WAY TO MAY PEOPLE LAUGH, RIGHT? RIGHT?!_

"I figured I could just sell these on eBay myself to fund the Eggmanland Conquest Foundation, but...eh, I can still sell them. Everyone can use these for now. I've got plenty of Codec portable radio whatevers to go around..." Eggman remarked as everyone else was grabbing a portable radio whatever, just trying to grasp the story behind them. _You_ were confused? How adorable. "So. Any other questions? No? Great!"

Eggman kicked everyone else out of his van except Tikal, Vanilla, and Big.

"Well, it's almost six!" Eggman looked at his watch. "Well, go on, men and ladies! Kill that OC and get things right again!"

"But wait, what exactly is the..." Sonic wanted to finish his statement, but Eggman slammed and locked all the doors before he got the chance to do so.

With Sonic's Spear of Sue at hand and everyone with a portable radio attached to their ears along with them having a vague idea of what each of them were supposed to be doing, the rebels were on their merry way, in the hopes that Terra Korina Franscena Paultena Krystalia Zelda Purina the Lynx/Cat would be dead by dawn, and all would be normal again...

There was one person, however, who was against their plan.

Big the Cat was seeing if anyone was possibly going to be acknowledging any of his actions any time soon. Lucky for him, Eggman was occupied with designing a mantel to place Sonic's head on when he finally murdered him, while Vanilla and Tikal were having an apparent staring contest. Noticing this, Big took out a portable radio thingy mabobber ever so sneakily from the box and typed a certain number in. He waited, as a teenage girl answered from the other side. Big looked at her face and noticed that he called the right number.

"Big?" the young teen asked. "Is that you?"

"Beyond an Anomaly..." Big said quietly. "We've got a problem..."


	13. Of Dongos, Magikarp, and Sheer Idiocy!

Beyond an Anomaly sat back in her office chair as she was taking in what the fat, purple cat was saying to her via Codec system.

"So...what's going on?"

"Everyone has figured out that this is all about Purrfect and not about them!" Big rasped to the author, remembering to keep his voice down. "And they're REBELLING!"

"Dude, you didn't think I knew that by now?" the author shrugged. "And why should I care, exactly? Or better yet, why should YOU care? You've literally taken, like, no role in this Fanfic at this point..."

"Well..." Big bit his lip. "Purrfect and I talked."

"Oh...friggin'..._Jesus..._" the author facepalmed. Why was this all happening, anyway?

"Uh...what's wrong, BAA?"

"Um..." Beyond an Anomaly hesitated. "Nothing. Nothing."

Big paused for a moment, but then screwed the author's suspicious response.

Honestly. This was Purrfect they were talking 'bout here, so who's got time for such thoughts of possible treason?

Exacitily.

So, Big continued:

"Anyway," Big continued. Wait, did I just say that twice? Well...whatever. "Remember how you scheduled a blind date for me and Purrfect's cousin's twin's daughter's friend's butler's neighbor's sister over at Outback?"

"Uh...yes?" BAA didn't even remember most of the things that she did since the first day of February that year. She really, REALLY didn't...

"Well," the apparently smart cat continued. "It turns out that I'm insanely in love with her...for no reason at all!"

"You can't be freaking serious..."

"Oh, but I am! And Purrfect said her CTDFBNS liked me too! So, Purrfect said that we can spend more time together if I helped her be in the spotlight!"

"You mean to tell me that you're selling the loyalty of your friends for some chick you've only talked to once during a blind date?"

"Yeah, pretty much." Big shrugged his shoulders while BAA eye-rolled. "My point is..."

"Go on." BAA groaned, sipping a mug of apple cider. She wasn't kicked back, or anything of that sort.

"Well..."

"Mmm-hmm?"

"You need to..."

"This cider's gettin' cold, Big."

Right when Big was about to give his oh-so-riveting response...

"Hi, Big!"

Big turned his head and noticed Cream the Rabbit sitting there, with that stupid grin on her face and that shrill voice that she had even as a fifteen-year-old.

"C-Cream?!" Big sputtered. Or was it stuttered? ...Ah, who cares? "What are you..."

"Big, what's the hold-up? Did you gain your stupidity back or something?" BAA retorted. How very cynical. And yet...in-character.

"Look, BAA, I gotta go." Big quickly rasped with haste and stuff. He glared at Cream for a moment, wishing that she just wasn't there and was instead replaced with Purrfect's CTDFBNS. "Bye."

"Hey, wait, what's goin-" Big threw the Codec system out the window, and the device cracked against the pavement. Well, there's one thing in this Fanfic that's realistic. The cat turned to Cream, and groaned like a zombie...doing...something.

He just went back to his moronic self, m'kay?

"Duh..." Big, with eyes crossed and mouth drooling, proved my statement true. Cream didn't seem to mind all that much.

"Um...hi, Big!" she exclaimed. "How are you?"

"Duh..."

"I'm fine, thanks for asking!" Wait! That beyatch stole my translator! Good thing Silver can speak English now, cuz if he couldn't, well... "It's just that Eggman accidentally forgot to give me something to do that involved the mission to kill Purrfect, so...yeah!"

"It wasn't an accident." Eggman bluntly said as he couldn't decide if oak or maple would be a better wood to display that damned hedgehog's cranium upon. "I'd rather not put in two Magikarps in this mission. We're kinda screwed as is, considering that I'm kind of dubious about this plan, even though I'm the one who made it impromptu. So yeah. You're useless like Charmy, but Charmy's just better for the sake of expressing comedy. You're just annoying. Nuff said."

Cream blinked blankly at Eggman's statement. Oh, come on. You loved that alliteration.

"Well, anyway," Cream turned back to Big, who had no choice but to sit through...

"I hope Tails and I are still together even after this whole mess. That would be, like, soooo kawaii desu." and...

"Have you heard the Barney theme song backwards? It sure is creepy, isn't it?" and...

"OMG, like, Clannad is, like, the best anime EVA!1 It's sooooooooo sad! Like, I don't wanna spoil anything, but Okazaki likes Nagisa! They're my OTP, BTW, 4 lyke, EVA. And the credits song is so sugoi! Nyaaaaaaa!"

The next thing Big knew, Cream started singing about "dongos", whatever those were, in a very high voice that made Cream sound like Minnie Mouse, Princess Peach, Spongebob Squarepants and Pikachu's love child.

Cross-species breeding? It can happen.

I mean, have you PLAYED Sonic '06 lately?

Neither have I, but you get the idea, right?

...

...Anyway, let's leave Big to suffer and check with our lil' ol' delinquents to see how the rest of this plan is going!

_**DONGO, DAIKAZOKU!**_

Sonic, Tails, and the third guy were sneaking around the courtyard while Sonic had the Spear of Sue in hand. Tails was leading the way, and if one is in such a position, it could be extremely dangerous at this point, since there were possible rabid fangirls and deranged plot bunnies ahead. Why was Tails leading the way? Well, he was the intellect, and all intellects can just go die in this Fanfic. I mean, intelligence is useless in Fanfiction anyway, so Tails can get sacrificed to Purrfect and no one would care.

So...Otacon, start running. Not even your inability to divide can save you now...

While Tails was putting his life in danger, Knuckles was still a hot-head, since there is obviously nothing more that is interesting to do with his character, and Sonic was being cool n' whatever as he and his compadres were off to kill his more-than-god-like GF.

"Okay, so." Tails stared down at his watch that literally just appeared. Maxwell. What a stalker. "It's 5:57 now, and the track meet starts at 7:00."

"Uh, no." Sonic remarked. "It starts at 6:00."

"What'd make you say that?" Knuckles asked.

"It was in my flashback, remember?"

"Uh...no." Tails whirled around to Sonic as he had this look of disgruntlement on his fuzzy face. "No, that very important detail WASN'T in your flashback, thank you."

"Wait...it wasn't?" Sonic had a brief flashback of himself sharing his flashback to everyone in Eggman's van. The whole _SUDDEN FLASHBACK MOMENT _bit isn't here because the _SUDDEN FLASHBACK MOMENT _guy ran off. And I got lazy. So, let's just say Sonic realized that the useless intellect was right. "Oh...it wasn't."

"Uh-huh." Tails huffed. "So which one is it? 6:00 or 7:00?"

"Well," Knuckles shrugged. "I heard the thing was 8:00."

"But Purrfect told me 6:00!"

"But a few minutes isn't enough time to prepare for a track meet!"

"Uh, HELLO! Logic shot itself, Knuckles! A census on the entire world can be recorded in a matter of minutes at this rate!"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"YUJI NAKA'S SLIPPERS!" Tails bellowed, stopping dead in his tracks. "WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP ALREADY AND THINK OF A GAME PLAN?!"

Sonic and Knuckles turned to each other, stared blankly like Cream did recently in a masterful moment of alliteration, and turned back to Tails.

"Game?" Sonic repeated. "But I thought we were going to a track meet." Knuckles nodded in agreement/confusion while the only smart guy in the whole part of this chapter facepalmed.

Poor kitsune. And...ah, who cares? He's an intellect, so why should you care?

...

...

...Exacitily. Now go grab yourself a cookie while you burn all the books you have! Woo-hoo! DOWN WITH PROPER EDUCATION! YEAHHHHHHHHHH!

_**WHATISADONGOANYWAY?**_

Meanwhile, Amy Rose and Sally Acorn were in the girl's locker room, getting dressed in their rainbow cheer uniforms. The uniforms were super tight and super sexy on them dames.

What? It's disrespectful to shame my own gender by making these ravishing females seem so sexually appealing to the male audience by wearing tight uniforms? ...Eh. You're probably right. But sexy=beauty as smartness=death on Fanfiction.

So I'm right. Ha.

"Ugh...these uniforms are so...unh...hard to get into..." Sally winced as she tried to slide her legs into her ridiculously short skirt/skort.

"You're...unh...telling me..." Amy replied as she slowly felt her arms cut off from circulation while slowly fitting into the sleeves of her shirt. "How are...people expected...to fit in these?"

"I don't know..." Sally stood up and pulled up her skirt, having her top to put on afterwards and she was done. Don't get too excited, pervert. Her official artwork actually doesn't show her with "assets". "But I think...oomph...I've almost...got it..."

"Yeah..." Amy wriggled into her shirt. She was wearing underwear, so face it: we've all seen too many shots of Amy's underneath during cutscenes and TV episodes to get really excited about her exposure anymore. "Me too..."

"I just need to-AAAAAAUGH!" Sally, while trying to bend over to pick her shirt up from the ground, fell over face first. The tight skirt gave her the inability to move her quads, so the apparel robbed the chipmunk thing's balance. The next thing the slutty princess knew, she was on top of Amy, whose chest-killing shirt didn't let her use her shoulders all that well so she could not push Sally off. The two were stuck in this position, with Sally being on top and Amy being on the bottom.

Somewhere out there, a thousand Sonic fanboy perverts got reeeeeeeeallllly happy.

Sally and Amy blushed, knowing the two couldn't move. Amy couldn't push Sally off, since her arms were stuck, and Sally couldn't roll over, since her legs were...you know.

"Oh no..." Amy said with such worry. "Now what're we gonna do?"

"I don't know." Sally answered. "Maybe if I could just get my..."

Sally was a-gonna say "portable radio", but it was over where her tramp-like clothing was, which was on the opposite side of the locker room. I put that there to make it all the more impossible for her to reach.

Perverts, you're...welcome, I guess?

"Damn it." Sally huffed. "The radio's over there."

Hmm? Sally can just push herself off of Amy and wriggle to the radio? I'm sorry, but I have I taught you NOTHING about Fanfiction logic?

"So we're stuck here in this awkward position in the middle of a high school locker room..." Amy whined, because all should pity the poor female and every unfortunate thing that happens to her. Yep. She's that depressing. Now cry. Cry, damn it! "What could make this moment any worse?!"

See? Idiocy's common! No one should ask that in such a situation!

For some random teenage girl stepped out of her stall and saw two of the most popular girls all over each other, both of them being half-naked. iPhone at hand, (since you'd be square if you owned any other cellular device), she took picture after picture of Sally and Amy's "love fest" as she labelled it, while posting the scandalous photos on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, reddit, tumblr, deviantART, Pintrest, and she even went as far as selling prints of the two's Sweet Passion on Amazon, eBay, and Craig's List for five easy payments of 4,974,305,892,386,523,095,898,236.5 yen. Or something.

So, thank sophomore and member of Glee Club Shelly Warterburgiton the Turtle/Frog for making a super hot make-out session the most likely thing you'll see when you look up "sally and amy" on Google Images.

"Well," thought the reader. "What else can go wrong?"

"Well..." the author replied. "LET'S FIND OUT!"

_**NOWLETMEJUSTLOOKUPWHATADONGOIS...**_

Silver and Blaze seriously weren't doing much. There they were, in the cafeteria, not talking or anything. Just standing there. Being themselves.

Blaze, however, suddenly felt her phone vibrate. A Facebook update! OMGLYKEYAYZ!

She opened up the page to see her friend Amy and that random chick Sally on top of each other...in the locker room?!

"Boy," she thought. "That escalated quickly..."

Silver peeked over her shoulder and asked the purple cat:

"Any possible way you can forward me this link?"

She gave the biligual pot-head a look.

"What?" Silver shrugged, not really knowing what was the big deal of asking a fourteen-year-old girl to send him a pic of her two amigas doing something suggestive.

It was just no use to him. Being a teenage boy with raging hormones, he needed that pic. Lyke, nao.

Oh, come on. You saw the '06 thing coming. Admit it already.

_**DONGOSAREJAPANESEBEANDUMPLINGSAPPARENTLY!**_

"I can't believe we actually found the computer room!" Vector stated happily to the old guy sitting next to him, who was already on the mission of searching the most unappealing corners of Sonic FF.

"Yes, well, _I _found Sonic Fanfiction." Gerald, being the go-to kinda guy he is, huffed. "So let's see what they have to offer."

"Okay, Gerald..." Vector nodded, but placed his large hand on Gerald's shoulder. "But be warned..."

"Uh..." Gerald turned his head to Vector and raised a brow. "Why?"

"Well, for one, remember what I said about Espio and Charmy in Chapter 8?"

"...Yes?"

"You're gonna be seeing a whole mess of that 'yaoi' stuff." Vector stated. "Second of all, I don't think it's healthy for a guy your age to be reading Fanfiction to begin with."

"Why?"

"Dude, you're gonna get a heart attack. Guaranteed. Either that, or your brain will explode and turn into a fruit punch-like substance to foam out of your ears." Vector shrugged like that meant almost nothin' to him. "Whichever comes first."

"Pfft. Please." Gerald chuckled off the warning. "I've created a two-ton lizard who spews liquid to reproduce. This'll be nothing!"

To start himself on his "epic quest", Gerald typed in "Shadow the Hedgehog" in the Search Bar, only to find that blue hedgehog on top of his son with a seductive grin on his face in one of the covers, which was the very first thing to pop up as soon as the professor pressed "enter". Scrolling down the page, it was almost as if Sonic was replaced by someone else in each picture. Amy. Blaze. Tails. Knuckles. Tikal. Silver. Metal Sonic. Espio. Cream. Eggman. Mephiles. Black Doom, of all people. Hell, he could've sworn he saw _himself_ in one of those pictures. The boiling point was when he saw Maria on top of Shadow...

HEDGEHOG Maria, may I add.

The old man's eyes widened like a Littlest Pet Shop toy's, and he fainted on the spot.

Dead? No. Traumatized? Uh...yeah.

"Yep." Vector watched as Gerald slid out of his chair, knowing he would never see the word "lemon" the same way again... "Called it."

Vector scooted into Gerald's seat, looking up different Sonic Fanfics himself. Just as Eggman would have probably guessed, the Fanfic they were currently in wasn't the only case of "High School AU".

As a matter of fact, the whole thing flooded the library. Romance consisted of half the archive, and there were crossovers. Crossovers EVERYWHERE. Pokemon, Final Fantasy, My Little Pony...the list could go on...

"Oh man..." Vector marvelled. He read Fanfiction often, but he never quite knew what he was reading. He was actually performing acts of insanity, reading the same Fanfic over and over again, most of the time. The high school. The OCs. The crossovers. The sheer randomness and bitterness of it all made Vector question what he was REALLY doing with his free time. Why didn't he notice this earlier? "Gotta send all this to Eggman...or better yet...print physical evidence..."

Vector saved multiple screenshots of different stories and summaries and what-not, sending each and every last one to the printer. This evidence of the Mary Sues, the fluffy weirdness, the overly dramatic romance, and the High School AU...could change _everything..._

Yet, of course there's gotta be something to screw things up. Things are just going way too well for ol' Vector Meister Meister Vector.

"Can't let you print that, Xerox!" a mystery guy held up the plug to the printer, and Vector gawsped when he saw who it was that unplugged his only way to create evidence of this over-excessive insanity actually existing.

"WOLF O'DONNELL?!" Vector practically screamed.

"No." the mystery man replied. "The Happy Mask Salesman."

Oh. Well, guess it's not much of a secret anymore!

"Oh, right. Sorry. You just said a meme, and...uh...anyway," Vector chuckled awkwardly, but then practically screamed: "THE HAPPY MASK SALESMAN?!"

Oh my goodness gracious me! Suspense kills all, it appears to be!

_**WHOKNEWBEANDUMPLINGSCOULDSING?**_

"Dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun dun," Charmy was singing the theme to Mission Impossible on the top of his lungs. "DADADAAAAA! DADADAAAAA! DADADAAAAA! DADA!"

Just...trust me with this one.

"Charmy, let's get real here." Espio folded his arms and sulked. "What in the name of Dreamcast are you doing?"

"Being funny!" Charmy answered in an as-a-matter-of-fact tone. "What are YOU doing?"

"Waiting for Sonic to actually kill Purrfect so we can get this over with and just go home." Espio responded.

"Aw, come on, Espy!" Charmy laughed, though it was deemed unnecessary in such circumstances. "Don't be a Nega-Tron! Be an Optimist Prime, will you? This is an adventure! Have fun with it!"

"Said the person who made out with me earlier." Espio rolled his eyes. "And try as you might, Magikarp, you will never become a Gyrados with the fantasy of believing 'everything can be achieved with a good attitude' and all that crap."

Just as Charmy was about to pull another funny on the chameleon, the two heard a gasp come from the computer room, along with...

"Can't let you print that, Xerox!"

The two so happened to be walking right by the computer room, so both Espio and Charmy peeked in.

Gerald looked unconscious as Vector was shocked to see a character from Legend of Zelda lore before him, who went around selling masks to strangers throughout the land of Hyrule and, in one case, the town of Termina. Sometimes, the creepy man would actually make a young boy sell masks for him and bring the spoils back to him, which would lead up to a special mask given to the boy afterwards that could "read statues"...whatever THAT meant.

"Who is that, Espio?" Charmy. What an idiot. I literally explained the HMS in that last paragraph.

Espio replied back with:

"Some guy from three Zelda games. Nothing important."

"And what about Vector?" Charmy asked, seeing the shocked-ness in Vector's faice. "Should we help him?"

"And abandon our mission of being imbiciles? NEVER!" Espio, being the sarcastic wise-crack of a prick he was, shut the door of the computer room as if he saw nothing. He then turned to Charmy and exclaimed: "Hey Charmy!"

"What?"

"Yo mama's so fat, that when she asked for a water bed, she got the Pacific Ocean!"

"Oh yeah?" Espio and Charmy, the next thing they knew, began to go further and further away from their leader of the Chaotix. "Well, yo mama's so ugly, that her mama had to tie a rope of sausages around her neck just so da DAWGS could play with her!"

"Yo mama's so stupid, that when she went sky-diving, she had to stop and ask for directions!"

"Yo mama's so ugly, that when Swiper stole her from Dora, he wanted a refund from Dora!"

"You mama's so ugly, that when she tried to make friends at Aperture, not even the Companion Cube wanted to be near her!"

And so, these two crazies went on with these jokes for quite some time. Yo mama jokes. Heh. Classic sheyat right there.

_**OKAY, REALLY. IT'S, LIKE, FOUR IN THE MORNING. CAN I GO HOME NOW?**_

No. No you can't.

_**OH, COME ON!1111111111111**_

...Well, anyway, Shadow, Rouge, Omega, and Maria were walking over to the track, where people were already lined up to get tickets. They didn't have to get them, though. Plot-filling Sonic characters were allowed in at no cost with no tickets.

Shadow, remembering the whole "innuendo" thing, pulled something out of the pocket of his goffik leather jacket. It was a small, white swallowable tablet that he bought at some drug store. He poked Maria, giving her the tablet.

"What's this, Shadow?" the yellow hedgehog asked curiously.

"Uh..." Shadow would rather not ruin the child's innocence anymore than what he already did, so instead of stating the actual, medical term, Shadow answered: "Candy?"

"Oh. Okay!" Maria swallowed the tablet, where she replied: "It really doesn't take like anything..."

"Well...uh..." Shadow hastily took out an entire packet of the tablets. "You'll get flavor out of twenty of them. B-But if I were you, I'd take them daily for the next twenty days. And...uh...you know that time of the month?"

"Uh-huh."

"You won't have to go through it in the next three weeks! Just because of that candy!"

"Wow!" Maria exclaimed, glopping Shadow. "That's amazing! Thank you, Shadow!"

"Uh...no problem, Maria!" Shadow sighed with relief inside, knowing that his chances on getting his BFFAE preggers went down dramatically...for the next month, anyway.

Yes. That pill was exactly what one would theorize...

Rouge rolled her eyes at Maria's naiveness as the three amigos with her sat in their seats, which weren't far from the cheerleaders and did not have a bad view of the rest of the track. So far so good.

BUT! Like usual, something STTTTTTTRANGE was about to occur!

Right...

About...

"LOOK!" Omega pointed at the track, where a somehow high schooler with a red hat came out on the track to warm up. His jersey read "Mushroom Kingdom Academy" with a rainbow mushroom to boot. Rouge and the other three gawsped.

"MARIO?!" they blurted in unison. "OUR SCHOOL'S GOING AGAINST _MARIO_?!"

As the [middle-aged] high schooler/plumber ran around the track to warm up, the four's jaws dropped at the same time. Now _Mario _had to go through the high school weirdness?

I guess the question now is...

What could possibly happen next...right or wrong?

With disagreements, scandals, re-appearances, discoveries, forwardings, plot-twists and yo mama jokes, along with self-insertion, treason, and dongos, I do believe that question answers itself.

Yes, dearest, tortured reader.

Sheyat's gonna get real. REALLY real...

* * *

Well! This story, sad to say (?), is beginning to wrap up! Thank you all for reading, and thanks for the [almost] fifty reviews! I really didn't think this story would get this far! Your input means so much, and so...eh. You know. Merci and all that jazz... That's gonna get old really quickly, huh?

Well, anyway, see you next update!

-BAA


	14. More Powerful Than Expected!

Shadow, Rouge, Omega, and hedgehog Maria were hangin' out at the bleachers of the track, but they were totally flabbergasted as they saw the savior of the Mushroom Kingdom race around the track, warming up for the race that was gonna come up at an undetermined time that everyone's too confused to determine for themselves.

How silly is that? I mean, everyone knew that the race was gonna start...

...

Uh...that...evening. Yep.

Anyway, you may be wondering why I decided to drag Mario of all characters into this. I mean, Pokemon, Metal Gear, Star Fox, Legend of Zelda, Scribblenauts, and Final Fantasy have faced my wrath; I could easily make this the most awkward Super Smash Brothers Fanfic of all time if I honestly wanted to, but no. It's still in the Sonic library.

The reason Mario is here is because...well, face it. Everyone freaking loves Mario. I love Mario. You love Mario. He, she, me love Mario. So yeah. This is pretty much for popularity. That, and we might as well put in a crossover that actually makes sense. I WAS gonna go with putting in Ponyville Prep School, but not even I'm too sure how the Mane Six would do the simplest of educational tasks, like holding their pencils. Would they write with their mouths, or...?

"What is _Mario _doing here?" Shadow repeated, feeling it being 110% necessary to do so, even though all four of the hooligans were wondering the exact same thing, not making his thoughts different from everyone else's.

And now, the story's reason as to why Mario is in this story, told by no one else but E-123 Omega himself:

"WELL," the robot began. "MARIO AND HIS COMPANIONS ARE PRESENT BECAUSE THE MUSHROOM ACADEMY AND RAINBOW EMERALD HIGH SCHOOL HAVE BEEN RIVALLING EACH OTHER FOR YEARS NOW. THE MUSHROOM ACADEMY CURRENTLY HOLDS THE RECORD FOR THE FASTEST 100M DASH, AND REHS HAS BEEN TRYING TO BEAT IT SINCE THEN."

Uh...yeah! That's exactly why Mario's there. Just ignore me.

"Oh." Shadow, Rouge, and hedgehog Maria just left it at that. The three didn't want to ask any more obscure questions just to make this moment all the more obscure with weirdness. (You thought I was gonna say obscurity, huh? Isn't expectation a pain?)

After about a few minutes, Rouge broke the silence by intelligently proclaiming:

"I think I'm gonna go get a hot-dog."

She got up, but instead of going alone, she yanked Shadow out of his seat with a firm jerk of the arm. It all be in the wrists. Shadow said something like "Gah!" as he stumbled out of the seat. He brought his razor just in case...after all, there's always time to be an emo bad boy, even in such bizarre circumstances.

Shadow was still a little puzzled, though.

"R-Rouge!" Okay, maybe he's not smooth, but he's still SOOOOO hawt. "Where are you taking me?!"

Rouge, without turning back as she was striding briskly through the bleachers of the arena/stadium/what-the-heck-ever, replied quietly and hastily with:

"I'm getting a closer look." she replied. Wait...eh. Never mind. "Maybe Purrfect's already..."

Just as Rouge was about to finish, a godly rainbow cat walked to the cheerleaders; she was fifteen minutes late, but like the cheerleaders cared. In fact, in the great words of Kanye West, "They should be honored by her lateness." ...Or something like that.

She spent quite some time doing some make-up in the girl's bathroom, and I know you don't care. So, let's check out what was going on in that quarter of an hour!

Like I said, the SUDDEN FLASHBACK MOMENT guy ran away, never to return. Shame, too. I WAS gonna give him some cake!

Well...anyway...FLASHBACK MOMENT TIME AHEAD. (I can't say SUDDEN FLASHBACK MOMENT, since SUDDEN FLASHBACK MOMENT is trademarked by the SUDDEN FLASHBACK MOMENT guy. 2013, 2013. All rights reserved.)

_Anywho, before all this becomes more of a pointless ramble, let's get to the actual flashback._

_Sally and Amy, still on top of each other, tried desperately to push each other away. Not like it really mattered anymore, since this "hot moment" was posted on every dark and scary corner of the Internet. People even took time out of their lives to write about this one picture, telling of its "backstory" on this site called..."Fanfiction"._

_Why yes, that IS a paradox! Good for you for noticing!_

_Anyhow, Purrfect was doing her make-up in front of one of the mirrors. Not like it mattered. She was already everyone's muse, the keeper of all perfection, so why enhance her righteous complexion?_

_Anywhat, she noticed something from the corner of the mirror that really caught her eye..._

_"Sally and Amy?" she thought to herself. She was so awesome, that thinking to herself had a dramatic echo to it. "On top of each other...?"_

_It was then that she had an idea. This was purrfect! She was getting her own starring role without lifting a finger in a high-school Fanfic! And not only that, but there was the chance for some extra steamy romance right behind her! Being the attention lover she was, of COURSE she'd be a fool for rejecting this opprotunity!_

_She took out an iPhone42 that had a bunch of jewels on it. Why? Well, she lived in Suburbia. The cat was loaded. The phone itself was made of a gold/platnium alloy and it could play up to over 9,000 songs, stream YouTube videos in twelve parsax, and could order pizzas faster than your crummy Xbox. In fact, the pizzas the phone orders come with Xboxes, so there. Ha. Ha. Ha._

_Purrfect dialed a number on this overly bodacious phone and a teenage girl answered it. The girl seemed stressed as she was trying to get a hold of a certain purple cat...she groaned once she heard the Lavender Town ringtone on her LG smartphone, which isn't nearly as awesome as the Mary-Sue's. The teenager groaned again, since she found that completely necessary, as she answered her phone..._

_"Ugh, who is this?!" BAA wanted to yell, but she just said it, not feeling that creative._

_"BAA," Purrfect stated all serious-like. "I found a new target for you."_

_"What now?" BAA moaned this time. Not groaned, but she still wanted to rhyme._

_"Look..." Purrfect took a picture of Sally and Amy on top of each other and sent it to the author. BAA was astounded to see these two in such a suggestive position. _

_She was so out-of-line with the Fanfic the Lynx/Cat was in, she couldn't remember much that was occuring. Why was she still doing this for the creature? She made this entire world for this OC...but was it worth the time, effort, pain and therapy she had to go through in order to just please the Lynx/Cat?_

_BAA shook her head when she saw the picture._

_"No." she bit her lip, knowing the possible consequences of her saying that one word._

_"No?" Purrfect clenched her fist. "What do you mean, no?"_

_"Purrfect," BAA stammered. "I've written about Charmy and Espio making out. I've written about Shadow and Maria having so much target practice, it could be on the verge on making this Fanfic rated M, maybe even more. I made SONIC get you PREGNANT. But I. Will. Not. Write. SallAmy yuri...EVER."_

_"And why not?"_

_"I've got too much respect for the comics. Besides...it's disgusting..."_

_Purrfect wasn't pleased with that response..._

_"Now, BAA..." Purrfect chuckled, sounding a little threatening. "Don't tell me you forgot our deal..."_

_BAA thought for a moment and sadly realized what Purrfect was talking about..._

_**AFLASHBACKINAFLASHBACK?!WHATTHEHUH?!**_

_The time was January something, 2013. The author was new to the Fanfiction world, having her account for only a month or so. She still had some stuff to learn, but she wanted to be the very best like no one ever was on the site. She wanted the hits. The follows. The reviews. The whole she-bang. But how? How could she get so many people to acknowledge her as an author for the Blue Blur's fandom?_

_How could she write a Sonic Fanfic "the right way"?_

_She went to go do some research. Maybe looking at some of the most reviewed Fanfics wouldn't hurt all that much...but it did. Oh lordy Jeezus, it did._

_When reading these Fanfics, the newly proclaimed author had a question or two to ask herself:_

_"What's with all the romance?" _

_"What are THOSE characters doing here all of a sudden? They're not from Sonic!" _

_"Who the hell is this guy? What does 'OC' even stand for?"_

_And most importantly..._

_"Sonic? ...IN HIGH SCHOOL?! ...Okay, really, what the lump."_

_Yet, with all these different Fanfics, she noticed something. The reviews. The favorites. The follows. The outrageous number of hits..._

_Did Sonic fans really like this? BAA supposed so, since all of these stories had so much popularity, along with reviews saying "dis ez soo kawaii desu!1", whatever THAT meant. But it was in another language, so it had to be a good thing. Good things always come out of researching, right?_

_So, though she wasn't too sure why, BAA took out a piece of paper and started to doodle, since doodling helped her think. She noticed that fans really liked these "OC" things, always wanting to put them in stories with the Sonic gang as their best friends and the OCs to be the stars. So...why not make one of her own? Didn't seem all that hard._

_BAA drew Blaze, since she thought that Blaze was a pretty character. Maybe this could be what her OC could look like! Just color the picture in with different colors...maybe make the hair a little longer and curlier and up in a bow...eyes brighter...teeth white. No, whiter. Ah! Yes, that's it! Now, maybe add some bigger...um...assets. Beauty is sexy, right? Right. Now...just a little bit more red here...some blue here..._

_At last! The teen was done with her drawing of her divine OC that only took her three minutes to create! BAA quicky decided not to let this OC have any flaws; imperfection is sin to some people. Sin's bad._

_It was at the moment...that something miraculous happened. The ridiculous-looking doodle looked as though it was slowly moving off the paper, gaining some type of consciousness. The author was super shocked to take note of this._

_Was the OC...alive?_

_The doodle, now appearing before BAA as a genuine Sonic character, stepped off the desk the paper she was drawn on was on. Was BAA imagining this?_

_Then the OC began to...speak to her._

_She said her name was "Purrfect" and, since BAA granted her the ability to have no imperfections, she came to life before her creator as a sign of "gratitude" for doing so. Since this has occurred, however, BAA should be even more "grateful" by her presence. The author wasn't too sure why, however, but Purrfect cleanly explained:_

_"I came to help you get some attention...you know, what you always wanted. You're screwed without me."_

_"...How so? For all I know, I'm high and in the middle of a weird dream or something, imagining you, a being that spawned from my mind, actually talking to me."_

_"Well, think of all the stories you've seen. People like original characters like me."_

_"So THAT'S what OC means..."_

_"Right." Purrfect remarked. "Anywhy, it's time for you to put me into action."_

_"How so?"_

_Purrfect gave BAA her request: make her the main character in a Sonic high-school Fanfic, with Sonic as her boyfriend to impregnate her. Then, make all of his friends romantically interested in each other, along with editting anything necessary about these characters to do so, even if it means making them "OOC". Also, add some different characters from different franchises altogether to make people from other fandoms interested, along with adding more "OCs" to the Fanfic. You know what they say, the more the merrier._

_BAA wasn't comfortable about this. She didn't even enjoy the stories she was reading. They all seemed so cheesy...so...cliche. But it was for the reviews...right?_

_So, BAA began writing the story. She added in the romance. The drama. The high school life...though she didn't have as much experience with high school, she knew that this "high school drama" was incredibly melodramatic. But like what Purrfect would say, "ITZ DA STORIE DAT MATRS." or, in BAA's case, "DA ATENTTSHUN." In exchange for Purrfect's every request for the Fanfic, BAA got the reviews she wanted._

_It didn't take long, however, for things to get chaotic. The characters actually knew how awkwardly constructed the Fanfic was. The young author was already on people's hate-lists. Not even she knew what was going on anymore..._

_But still. BAA had a deal to obligate to. Her reputation on Fanfiction could be destroyed if she ruined her own creation by killing the lynx/cat...or so she was convinced. She could get reviews like, "WHYDEDUKEELHERENDISFANFIC?!1ILUVEDPURRFECT!111111 111IKEELU!111111111111 UNFAVORITED!11111111 but kud u add ma OC ensted? shes purrfekt's sista & silvar's GF u kud find moar on her on ma profyle kthanxbai" and God knows, the girl only wanted positive things to come her way. She hated what she was forcing herself into, but it was getting her attention! What could she do...?_

_**IREALLYDON'TKNOWWTFI'MREADING...**_

_BAA facepalmed, remembering that ridiculously long flashback inside a flashback, and thus, she took out her tablet, wrote about how "Amy and Sally suddenly had a realization. They were meant for each other, and Sonic was meant for Purrfect. That was just the way of things...the way...of love." and made that part of the latest chapter of Purrfect and BAA's "fantastical project", which was what BAA secretly called "Speed of Sue"._

_The next thing Purrfect saw out of the corner of her mirror was Amy and Sally...ha, ha, dirty interpretations for the win. She tilted her head, lowering her eyelids and perked her lip in thought._

_"Hmm..." she hummed._

_"Ugh, what now?!"_

_"Make them fight." Purrfect said. "This is a little much for me."_

_BAA facepalmed once more, deleting everything she wrote previously and replaced it with, "Even though Sonic is obviously meant for Purrfect, Sally and Amy still had bones to pick with each other besides anything over the Blue Blur and who he shipped himself with. They were slapping each other stupid, but since this is a Sonic Fanfic, I suggest you should cheer for Amy, unless if you want to cheer for Sally to win this unexplained battle and get some serious butt-hurt."_

_It was then that Sally and Amy were screaming at each other, slapping each other like no one's business. The girls in the bathroom who saw this began to cheer "AMY! AMY! AMY!" as Purrfect smiled to herself. She hung up, ready to go to the track and show her cheerleading skills that would make jocks kneel before her and ask to be her manservants._

END OF FLASHBACK MOMENT TIME AHEAD...THANK THE GODS.

"Hey, look!" Rouge pointed at Purrfect as she passed by the bleachers and towards her fellow cheerleaders. "There's Purrfect!"

"Huh?" It took a while for Shadow to notice, but he did indeed see the Lynx/Cat pass right through. "Oh! I see her!"

Shadow noticed, however, that Purrfect was staring in her direction. She was making a call...

"Uh...Rouge?"

"Yeah?"

"Who's Purrfect calling?"

Rouge tuned in using her extra-large bat ears, and she overheard the word "Shadouge" mentioned somewhere, along with the phrase, "Just do it. You like the pairing, don't you?" She even heard the name "BAA" mentioned a few times.

Before Rouge could answer, however, she and Shadow began to make out for some reason. They couldn't control it, as they were doing some target practice right by the hot-dog stand...in front of children, no less. They just couldn't help themselves...did Purrfect really just call someone to make this happen?

Was she really that powerful?

Purrfect, noticing that kawaii couple, immediately made more requests. She actually liked "Espiarmy", so BAA, rolling her eyes, wrote how Espio and Charmy "rekindled their passion". Thus, Espio and Charmy were suddenly doing some provocative things in the hallway and laid off the yo mama jokes; this occurred a few feet away from a certain green crocodile...

Vector, wondering what all the noise was coming from, briefly put his confrontation with the Happy Mask Salesman on hold and stepped outside. He was appalled to see Espio and Charmy doing the unspeakable: re-enacting the yaoi he was looking through on the Fan of Fiction while Gerald was passed out. He's still down, BTW.

"Espio...?" Vector gasped. "Charmy...?"

He shouldn't be too shocked, but they seemed disgusted with each other back in the van. Why were they suddenly back to their old, lovestruck, OOC ways?

"Ah." HMS stepped out of the computer room. "I see that her power is as strong as always..."

Vector turned to the creepy guy with a confused expression.

"What...what are you...?"

"Don't you get it by now, Vector?" HMS retorted as he and the crocodile watched the two under-aged rascals began to attempt to morph the Fanfic's rating into an M. "The Mary-Sue you're after controls this Fanfic. This 'BAA' person is playing into her wants and needs, convincing herself that this Mary-Sue and all her many requests of unexplained romance, plot-holes, and the like will lead her down the path of Fanfic success. Purrfect can do whatever she wants, and she's still the star. She'll still be popular, even in all of this mess that one would actually call a story."

Vector gave HMS a big-eyed stare, with his jaw dropped to the floor. None of this made sense, obviously. His jaw wouldn't be touching the unsanitary ground that gets cleaned once a year otherwise.

"Now, if you may excuse me..." the HMS walked down the hall, away from the confused crocodile. "I have an OC to attend to. He's been tortured by a pair of PlayStation mascots lately, so I want to make sure his face is still intact..."

"But wait!" Vector called as the HMS turned around. "What can we do to stop her?"

"All I can say..." the HMS replied. "Is that you better hope the hedgehog wins."

And with that, the elusive Happy Mask Salesman was gone, leaving Vector in his own sea of query.

Rhymes. Rhymes EVERYWHERE.

"Silvaze" was also thrown out there, as a hedgehog and a cat were re-enacting the events they took part of in the middle of Biology in the middle of the cafeteria. Lucky for the rebels, however, Silver and Blaze noticed Purrfect heading for the track, and Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles were immediately notified. The three made their way as fast as they could to the track, knowing the big race would start soon and a murder was to be done...

"Okay." Sonic stated, just taking in the call from his Codec that was sent to him by what sounded like a very exasperated/love deranged Silver. "According to Silver, the race is about to start. We better get there right a-"

Sonic looked up to see Knuckles and Tails continuing off of Espio and Charmy's yo mama smackdown. Purrfect mentioned in another request that Knuckles and Tails are only useful for comedy relief, even though everyone cares about the cooler characters like Shadow and herself and not about them. BAA gave the amigos of Sonic a smackdown nonetheless.

"Your mama's so fat, she used Asia as a floor mat!"

"Your mama's so dumb, she thought the movie 2012 was based on a true story!"

"Your mama's so old, she and Methuselah used to date!"

"Your mama's so ugly, when Silver tried to give her a make-over, he screamed, 'It's no use!' within five seconds of staring at her!"

Sonic had no idea WTF Knuckles and Tails were doing, but he quickly figured out he was all on his own in this one.

He made his way to the track, where he heard the announcer proclaim:

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Runners Up Championship!"

"Championship?" Sonic thought to himself. "Isn't this still the first day of school?"

"Today, our two athletes are..." the announcer paused for dramatic effect. "Mario from The Mushroom Academy!"

"Let's-a go!" Mario exclaimed generically as he waved at the roaring crowds on the bleachers. Like you had no idea he was competing.

"Wait..." Sonic pulled a Shadow and thought, "What the heck is MARIO doing here?!"

"And our second athlete, from Rainbow Emerald High School, is Buster the..." the announcer got a call off-intercom. "Oh...it appears that Buster the Gazelle will not make it; he apparently has other things on his schedule..."

After a brief pause, Purrfect made a quick call. The request was made, the passage was written, and a new announcement was created...

"Our NEW athlete, coming from Rainbow Emerald High and going against the Mushroom Academy in the one hundred meter dash is...drumroll..." the audience patted their knees, making that drumroll effect. Shadow and Rouge didn't do so, however, as they were busy...you know. "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!"

"Wait..." Sonic sputtered. "WHAT?!"

Ha. Yeah. Like you're so freaking shocked...


	15. How Will This Mess All End!

_**Well, guys, looks like Speed of Sue is heading towards the finish line...*sniffle***_

_**I hope you enjoy the grand finale of this parody, and I'd love to...gah, you know. Just enjoy what's ahead. :)**_

_**-BAA**_

* * *

Wait a minute...oh, God! Can it be? Is it almost over?! Oh gee...oh wow...

For those who haven't killed over yet, bear (bare? Meh...) with me. It'll all be over soon...

_**WHYINTHISGREENEARTHAREYOUSTILLREADINGTHIS?!**_

"Oh boy..." Eggman just finished building the cute little mantel he was going to put Sonic's head on, but he wasn't at all pleased with much around him at the moment. He didn't get a single call back from Shadow, Rouge, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Sally, Silver, Blaze, Espio, Magikarp, OR his grand-daddy Gerry. That meant that all that was left was Omega, Maria, Vector and that confounded hedgehog Sonic. With THAT roster...well...

Eggman almost hated their odds more than he hated Sonic. Yes, they were that bad.

I still haven't found anything creative for Tikal or Vanilla to say. Also, Cream was STILL jabbering about stuff that makes stereotypical fangirls tick. I needn't go too much detail in that, wouldn't you say? Big, during this rambling, had thoughts of suicide...the fangirly-ness was just too much for him...

How could the other guys on the Sonic Team stand such fangirls? Oh, how he needed his CT-whateverwhatever with him at that very moment...he just hoped that fellow cat would abide by her promises of eternal reunion with...oh, you freaking know.

Eggman didn't feel it would be THAT right to simply let the remaining four rebels to continue on the "assassination" without at least giving them a ring...

He typed in a number on the communication device used in Metal Gear, and thus, a picture of a blue hedgehog appeared on that device's screen/hollogram to show Eggman that he called the right anthro creature. Why no, I have no idea how the hell that works, but that apparently happens in the game. So there. Blame the game, not me, m'kay?

Sonic, over at the stadium of the school, found himself in a very awkward situation. There he was, in the very middle of the stadium with the whole student body and faculty watching him, along with the mascot of the gaming franchise that he once rivalled but got drilled into the ground by in the end. Apparently, Sonic was supposed to go against that plumber in some race.

He didn't figure it to be all THAT hard. He was the fastest thing alive, going against some overweight plumber. (And high school student? Great...) It should be easy, right?

Sonic heard his Codec ring, and he quickly answered. But here's the thing: he was in the very middle of a stadium, with all eyes on him, as his worst enemy was calling him about the planned assassination of the most popular girl in school. And just for kicks and giggles, the stadium is dead silent as they're watching Sonic. And that Codec's ringtone is very, very loud, meaning that now the entire crowd will strain their ears to listen in on Sonic's conversation.

On a scale of zero to Xbox One, how much of a fail does this sound like?

Sonic bit his lip and immediately answered the call, turning his back to Mario.

"Hey!" Mario whined. "What's-a the hold up-a?" (Because ALL Italians talk that that. Stereotype? Nonsense-a. And I'm Southern, so just keep readin' y'all.)

Sonic didn't answer that stupid plumber's statement, however, as he was too busy rasping into his Codec:

"Eggman, this isn't the right time right now..."

"Sonic," Eggman replied. "Where are you? Where are Tails and Knuckles?"

"Heh. Wouldn't you like to know..." Sonic sneered quietly.

"Sonic! You-a stupid blue-a hedgehog!" Mario snarled, stamping his foot on the patch dirt of the track. "We're-a supposed to race-a!"

Sonic twitched for a moment, hating his surroundings. What, with Mario standing there acting like some sort of beyatch. Sonic whirled around and stated with an annoyed tone:

"And what the freaking _FREAK _are YOU doing here?! Honestly, Mario!" Sonic bellowed. "It was bad enough when that guy from Scribblenauts became some type of stalker who spawned items for some inexplainable reason, and now YOU'RE here!"

Somewhere out there, Maxwell spawned a gun just for himself and deemed the rest of his life hazardous to the rest of the world. Gee. Thanks, Sonic.

Oh, and the entire crowd is hearing this, along with Eggman. Just making sure you knew that.

"I mean, God!" Sonic sputtered to the plumber. Mario was exasperated. Huh. Nice verb I got there... Maybe a thesaurus isn't such a bad idea... "I don't even know what's going on anymore! And at least I'M old enough to go to high school! YOU have no reason to be here, Mario!"

Up in the bleachers, Omega said, "WELL, ACTUALLY..." but Maria convinced the armed robot to call his explanation off. The tongue is more powerful than the gun, but pens and swords can stab them both.

"D-Doesn't anyone get it?!" Sonic continued. Geez! Is it his time of the month, or something? "We're all in creativity hell! None of this is the way it should be! Mario should be saving Peach, I should be saving woodland creatures, and Bob Saget, no one here should be in high school! It's irrational and annoying that I've put up with this all day long, and I honestly can't believe all of this crap that's happening left and right! My friends are having a yo mama smack-down for no reason at all, Shadow and Rouge are making out over there," Those two got really, REALLY loud over at the hot-dog stand. "That girl Maria over in the bleachers is supposed to be dead and human,"

Maria blushed as everyone in the stadium found her worthy of all the attention in a one thousand foot radius.

"Um..." Maria chuckled awkwardly to everyone watching. "Hey?"

It didn't take long for Sonic to gain the spotlight once more. Yes, I know you care about Maria more than the namesake of Sonic the Hedgehog. I'm _so _terribly sorry.

"All of my friends have aged miraculously, some people are alive when they shouldn't be with Maria as a prime example," Maria blushed again. "We've been hanging around people we've never met before from other franchises or they're straight out strangers, and most importantly, me nor any of my friends have _any idea _what we're doing here!"

Eggman, (he's hearing all this, remember), stated in his Codec device to the blue hedgehog:

"Um...Sonic? Are you-"

"Shut up, Egg-Head, I'm ranting." Sonic huffed into his Codec device. Yet, right when he was about to continue, he noticed Purrfect standing there, staring at him. She wasn't giving Sonic a normal smile, though. Just take that as a bad thing. Oh yes, her eyes were daggers towards Sonic now. She wasn't her normal state...

Oh, what's that? You have no idea what "normal" means in this case? ...Well, this is my story. I ain't gotta explain nothin' I don't want to. If you don't like it, don't read it. Make like a Chao and say "Ciao!" to this story. I ain't got no time fo y'all's flames.

Ain't nobody got time fo DAT!

Like I was saying, Purrfect gave Sonic a look of evil. She just tuned in to his rant against the whole student body; she had to call BAA to validate Tails and Knuckles' comedy relief thing. Didn't want them to do anything meaningful to the plot or anything. That was her job.

When Sonic saw this look, he immediately shut his trap. His target looked deadly. (Sonic figured as much from what he learned of her power throughout the Fanfic.) He wasn't too sure what exactly she could do, but did he want to risk it? Oh, perish the thought! As for Purrfect, the very last thing she wanted was her _Sonny-san _to go all bad-boy rebel _against _her. And if she had to wipe out her baby daddy from the Fanfic to perserve everyone's innocence, so be it. Not like she didn't have a teenage female author's number on speed dial or anything...

"Hey...uh...Eggman?" Sonic whispered hesitantly into his Codec. "I'm gonna have to call you back...laterz."

Sonic hung up on the evil genius, and Eggman immediately noticed.

"What the-! Sonic? Sonic?! SONIC!" Eggman found that totally necessary because logic. He let out a frustrated groan from his van as he facepalmed. Why, just _why _was this happening to him? Did he, or anyone, deserve this madness?

Eggman, however, got his stuff together and decided to see how everyone else in the mission was doing.

"Well," Eggman thought to himself. His thoughts, however, didn't have an echo. He wasn't purrfect enough. "Maria and Omega are at the stadium, aren't they? That means I'll probably won't have to call them for a while if at all since they're probably being entertained...I'll get a hold of Vector. Maybe he can tell me what's up with my grand-daddy Gerry."

Eggman typed in a number on his Codec, but he didn't notice that, once he put it in, he was one digit off. For instead of the crocodile answering the Codec device, a thirty-or-so-year-old man answered with his own Codec, adjusting his glasses and noticing the portly scientist calling him on his Codec.

"Uh..." Otacon briefly stared at Eggman, not really remembering who he was. "Who is this?"

"Oh! Whoops, wrong number..." Eggman, however, quickly remembered the guy. "...Hey! I remember you!"

"Do you now?" Otacon really had no idea who this bizarre shell-shaped male could possibly be.

"Yeah! You're the guy who gave me all these Codec radio whatevers!" Eggman knew exactly who that nerdy-looking techie was, however. "Thanks for that, by the way. We'd all be screwed without them...sort of."

"Oh. Yeah. You're that guy..." Otacon nodded slowly. "No...problem?"

"Anyway," Eggman said, feeling more social than usual. "How's life?"

"Um...okay, I guess?"

"Otacon, you're a very boring person."

"I've gotten that before." Otacon replied bluntly. "Anyway, if you honestly care, I'm sitting here with two very bizarre teenagers and just finished watching Sonic the Hedgehog rant about Kojima-Knows-What."

"Bizzare?! I HEARD THAT, YOU KNOW!" N cried, feeling his tender heart slowly break. He buried his head into his hands. "Why doesn't anyone love me?!"

"Uh...by bizarre..." Cloud the Shirtless leaned over his seat towards Otacon and asked, "Do you mean enticing bizarre, or..."

"No! I mean bizarre bizarre!" Otacon retorted, in which Cloud replied with: "Thank you for your time." and sat back in his seat. Otacon immediately went back to his conversation.

"The thing is...I have no idea what's going on."

"Ditto." Eggman remarked. N then replied with:

"Ditto? I have that Pokemon!" Otacon and Eggman, however, decided to ignore him. N decided to cry once they made this decision.

"I mean, I'm from Metal Gear. And you're from...MegaMan?"

"Sonic the Hedgehog."

"Oh."

"But I get what you mean."

"Really?" Otacon asked. "How long has this been going on?"

"Well, all day. But it's been feeling incredibly long...like four months, or something." Eggman answered. "Since earlier today, we've been subjected to the weirdest things. Pairings, random plot devices, even cameos like yourself...no offense."

"None taken. People make My Little Pony crossovers with Metal Gear. This is nothing."

"Oh...alright." Eggman hummed, thus continuing with, "But the weirdest thing is the setting. High school...and apparently I'm the principal..."

"Aren't you evil, though?"

"Exactly. Now you get what I've been putting up with today..."

Otacon drifted off for a moment, as his attention was caught by an announcement of the race between Mario and Sonic to start in a matter of five minutes. Heavens FORBID he missed it; Otacon really had no idea as to why he was at the race, anyway. Yet, he figured since he was there, watching it wouldn't be too painful...Nintendo vs. SEGA used to be a fun conversation starter, after all...

"Yeah...I'm gonna have to call you back, okay? It's been nice chatting with you. Bye." Otacon also hung up his Codec device on Eggman, which eventually resulted on Eggman screaming in frustration, tossing his Codec out the window, and stomping on it repeatedly. First that damn cobalt hero hung up on him in the middle of a crucial operation, and now the one person he could vent his frustration out on goes off to follow suit? WTF, maaaaan!

So, for the sake of building up suspense, I won't flip to the race just yet. Rather, I'll flip to something you couldn't care less about! TO THE KIDNAPPED OCS! OMGLYKEYAYZ!

_**STILLDON'TGETWHYYOU'REHERE...**_

"Yeah! Yeah, Jak!" Daxter waved his fists in the air as his bro for life Jak was knocking the stuffing out of Jaxter the OC. "Give it to him HARD!"

"How do you like this, huh?" Jak gave Jaxter another punch in the ribs. "And this? And this?! This'll surely knock the creativity into you, you useless son of a-"

Jak knocked another punch into the stomach of Jaxter, but the elf thing's fist went right through the poor lad. Jak's eyes widened when he did this. Did he _seriously _just kill a child? He just wanted to beat the boy into submission! Not take the kid's life away! But wait...wait a minute...

Jak pulled his fist back and noticed something...

"Uh...Jak?" Daxter the mongoose-thing stared at his buddy. "Are you alright?"

"D-Daxter..." Jak stuttered, shakily pointing at the pulp he just knocked the plum out of. "Look..."

Daxter's focus was turned to what his BFFAEAE was pointing at, and he was shocked to find that...the OC they were beating to death this entire time...was a mere stuffed animal of Jaxter!

Dun, dun, duuuuuuuuuuuuuun!

Jak opened his fist to see that there was a bunch of cotton wrenched inside it. He stared at the hole he made in the stuffed animal, and back at his hand. He repeated this a few more times, until he finally decided that the best thing for him to do was faint on the spot. If HMS figured out about that the OC escaped...

"When...when..." Daxter hyper-ventilated as Jak made a soft thud on the floor. "WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!"

Well, allow Mister FLASHBACK MOMENT TIME AHEAD to answer that!

_Fifteen minutes ago from that very moment, Jak and Daxter were seriously giving Jaxter what-for. Seriously. If this was a round of PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale, Jak would've probably won within the first minute of the brawl...or battle. Whatever. In other words, Jaxter really wasn't really defending himself all that well._

_"Woo-hoo! Yeah, Jak!" Daxter cheered. "You show him a good brawl!"_

_"Don't you mean, 'battle', Daxter?" Jak joked. Make reference to the paragraph above._

_"Uh...no." Daxter shrugged. "I'm just saying, you're making this a pretty unfair melee for him."_

_"B-But Daxter..." Jak remarked with a small, annoyed smirk. He turned his attention from Jaxter for a moment, who slumped from being pinned against the wall of Mr. Vector-san's office to a helpless pulp on the ground. "I'm just making a joke...you know, to the fighting game we're in? PlayStation All-Stars BATTLE Royale?"_

_"So?"_

_"Um, SO, you're ruining my joke by making puns on our competitor, Super Smash Brothers. Stop it."_

_"Wow, is that what you're going on about? Oh, brother..." Daxter snorted. "You're a super royale pain, ya know that?"_

_"Daxter..." Jak had his fists clenched against his amigo. "I'm warning you...STOP IT..."_

_As Jak had his back turned and Daxter had the attention span of a gnat on Red Bull, an emo gazelle snuck into the office and pulled the unrecognizable mass of body parts called "Jaxter" out of the office, eventually grabbing Charlie, Nikki, and his once-upon-a-time GF Jessica and taking them with him, even though he couldn't tell any of them apart for obvious reasons._

_"Or what? You'll SMASH me to pieces?" Daxter giggled, watching the snarl on his pal's face grow more and more. It was then that the elf guy had it._

_"Ooooooh, THAT'S IT!" Jak grabbed Daxter by the neck and almost strangled the guy. "I'll give you a brawl you won't soon forget!"_

_"Er...don't you mean 'battle'?"_

_"DAMN IT, DAXTER!"_

_The emo gazelle, as a last minute precaution, replaced all of the OCs he saved with dolls that looked just like them to throw both Jak and Daxter off; Maxwell decided to do once last good deed before he made one happy bullet a home inside his noggin._

_And so, Jak and Daxter fought brutally. Yeah, I know. They'd probably never do that. But I've never played the games, so I have no idea; I was too lazy to do research._

END OF FLASHBACK MOMENT TIME AHEAD.

"Oh man..." Daxter gulped, noticing the other dolls that replaced their once helpless hostages. "What could make this any worse?"

And...Daxter's learned nothing from this story. His total loss.

For right when he said that, the Happy Mask Salesman scuffled in with his hunched back and creepy smile.

"Hello, weasel-like creature..." HMS greeted, as Daxter gulped; Jak had fainted, remember. "Where's my mask?"

HMS stared down at the pathetic ragdoll on the ground while Daxter quivered; the salesman immediately noticed the imposter. HMS yanked Daxter off the ground and began to throttle him.

"WHERE. IS. MY. MASK?!" he squealed maniacally.

"I-I-I don't know!" Daxter replied desperately. HMS peered around the room, noticed that his other OCs were taken...

And the rest of this part of the finale is censored. PETA oughta thank me. Just saying...

_**THEREARESOMANYMORETHINGSYOUCOULDBEDOING...**_

Vector, being just completely confused at the moment, sat in the computer room, trying to gather his thoughts. Gerald was passed out next to him, moaning and beginning to gain slight consciousness after his Fanfiction overload. Vector stared at Gerald for a moment, stating:

"Hey...Gerald?"

"...Wha?" Gerald hummed, resting his head in his hands.

"I just realized something..."

Gerald waited for Vector's response.

"We've actually met before this Fanfic." Vector made that realization earlier, yet Gerald obviously had no idea how.

"How so...?" Gerald rubbed his temple.

"Well, it was a while back." Vector answered. "We were in this bar, _very _intoxicated."

"I wish I was intoxicated..."

"What was that, Gerald?"

"Um...n-nothing." Gerald replied quickly. "Continue."

"Oh...okay. Anyway," Vector kept going. "We were at this bar...'The Green Shades', I think. There was some green guy as our bartender, and we bet each other different shots that we couldn't beat each other's scores in Tetris...you made a bet that I couldn't beat your high score, and until I could, I had to work at a high school..."

"So..." Gerald stared at Vector hazily for a moment. "That person who bet they couldn't bet their score wasn't your landlord..."

"Yep." Vector said. "It was you."

"My God, I'm so freaking sorry."

"It's okay...and you wanna know why?"

Gerald raised an eyebrow as Vector showed the universal high score for Tetris to Gerald. The score was under the letters "VCTR" when it was originally under the name "GRLD".

"I no longer have to work at Rainbow Emerald High School!" Vector exclaimed. "I won the bet! I beat your score!"

"Oh...that's great..." Gerald would be WAAAAAAY more excited, but think about your first time on the Internet. Times seven. Congrats; you now think like Gerald at the moment.

Gerald and Vector stared at each other for a moment, and they agreed to spend the remainder of this fic at Vector's Pizza Hut, escaping from this High School AU.

Once these two left the school, the rainbow lynx/cat slowly felt a bit of her power slip away from her...

_**YOU'VESERIOUSLYWASTEDYOURTIME...**_

Okay, NOW we're at something you care about! The big race between gaming icons Mario and Sonic! Oooooh, how exciting!

Mario was already ready to go. He was in a perfect position to sprint for one hundred meters and totally beat the fastest thing alive.

Sonic, on the other hand, was standing right next to Mario on the track, still not getting how or why's he's been put in such a situation.

"Well, don't worry, Sonic." Sonic said to himself in his mind. He had a slight echo; Purrfect liked him enough to give him that ability... "This is against _Mario, _for Pete's sake. You're faster than the speed of sound. He's faster than...what? A pizza boy?"

Wait...what was Sonic's comment, again? I was drinking my iced tea and riding my tractor; I couldn't really do that and read Sonic's comment at once.

Sonic smirked to himself, gaining a boost of confidence.

"Hakuna matata, Sonic!" he cheered himself on as he snickered at Mario. "This race'll be nothing!"

Sonic stared up ahead, ready to run 'round the track. He was ready to DESTROY this plumber in the "Runner's Up Championship". (Stupid name, but at this rate, who cares?)

The announcer was ready to signal the start of the race with the small gun in his hand.

He was ready to shoot the bullet in three...

Two...

BANG!

The plumber and the hedgehog zoomed around the track, but Sonic noticed that, even at maximum speed, Mario was actually having a lead.

"Okay, really..." Sonic thought to himself. "WTF."

Purrfect called BAA earlier to tell her to make the race between Mario and Sonic an actually fair one to build up suspense for the reader. She would also convince her to bring Vector and Gerald back, but Purrfect couldn't think of a way to use them at the moment.

As a matter of fact, she couldn't think at all. Not even cheer...as she began to feel something kick in her stomach...

"What the..." Sonic tried going faster and faster, but he just couldn't get passed Mario. The plumber turned his head behind Sonic and laughed:

"Ha! Stupid hedgehog! Where are your friends now?"

Gah! Everyone in this Fanfic is a total idiot!

Once Mario said that, all of Sonic's friends appeared, no matter where they were perviously. I mean, I found it necessary to put them here. It's the grand finale after all...

"Come on, Sonic! You can do it!" Tails and Knuckles cheered, putting all yo mama jokes aside.

"Run like I'm chasing you, Sonikku!" Half-dressed Amy squealed like a deranged fangirl. Oh wait...

"Run too fast for the naked eye!" With this, half-dressed Sally began to sing the SatAM theme song to herself. Ah, the glory days...

"Go, Faker, go!" Give Shadow kudos for cheering for something beneficial for Sonic, at least.

"C'mon, Big Blue," Rouge blew a kiss at Sonic, using that nickname she gave Sonic in Sonic Chronicles. (What a sorry excuse for a game...hmph...) "Show 'em who's boss!"

"BEAT THE ITALIAN PLUMBER/STUDENT/MALE." Omega clicked from the bleachers.

"We believe in you, Sonic!" Maria exclaimed.

This is going on longer than it should...

"The force is with you, Sonic! Embrace it!" Silver the Jedi proclaimed, putting Blaze's sweet lips aside.

"Feel the flames!" Meh, I don't know.

"GOOOOOOOOO SAAAAAAANIIIIIIIC!" Charmy drawled on, sounding totally intoxicated on Go-Go Juice.

"Focus your energy on your victory." Espio is actually excited, not like you can tell.

This ending is so rushed and so exciting, even the people at the van got to be a part of it!

"Yay!" Tikal and Vanilla cheered together. I really don't know...

"You got this, Sonic! Believe in yourself!" Cream encouraged, as Big kept giving Purrfect nervous glances. His eyes widened, however, when he saw her. Was she about to...?

Eggman didn't really feel like cheering on his enemy, really. Instead, he decided to walk over to Otacon a couple of bleachers down and talk about smart guy stuff. And as for Vector and Gerald, they're officially out of this Fanfic. Gerald made the bet, Vector won the bet, and they now get to have eight wings for $9 over at Pizza Hut.

But Sonic didn't need those two. He now had all the encouragement he needed from all of his friends...in their purest forms. They weren't "OOC" anymore, nor were they doing anything bizarre...

Was the power of the Fanfic finally below them?

Yes! Yes, it appeared to be, as Sonic began to outrun Mario easily with his arms back, feet moving in a figure eight, and a repetitive chant consisting of the three words: "You're too slow!"

As Sonic began to near the finish line with Mario trailing behind him, the crowd went bananas. Sonic was so happy. His friends were cheering him on like normal and he almost completely forgot about the wretched Fanfic he was in. All he could think about was the exhilirating rush of the wind against his back and his face.

"This is it." he thought. "This is what my life should be. My friends cheering me on...as I go wherever the wind will take me. Wherever the earth will let me run...I won't be chained down to anyone or anything...there's too much to explore to be constrained..."

He was literally five meters away from the finish line, but a certain cry interrupted his approaching victory...

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" Purrfect wailed, laying on one of the bleachers. Sonic suddenly got back to reality and the stadium went silent. Everyone virtually forgot of the OC's existence; even her own boyfriend forgot. Sonic stopped dead in his tracks when he heard the wretched sound as Mario quickly sprinted across the finish line.

"Woo-hoo! I did it-a!" Mario did some victory dance, but no one really noticed. Mario felt really super offended that no one cared about yet another victory for the Mushroom Academy, as Sonic quickly ran over to Purrfect. His other friends in the stadium followed suit...

Purrfect was able to produce her child within a matter of two minutes of labor. All of Sonic's friends gathered around her as she held up her son...her and _Sonic's _son, I should say. She was so thrilled and everyone around her was so amazed by her infant. When all of the OOC-ness, OCs, plot-holes, and whatever else failed, this baby sure didn't...or at least, that's what Purrfect figured.

Little did she know that a certain OC was beginning to sneak up on her...

"Sonic?" Purrfect said as she was holding her baby.

"Yes, Purrfect?" Sonic marvelled.

"I think I want to name our baby..."

Suddenly, Buster the Gazelle kicked the back of Purrfect's head, knocking the lynx/cat out cold.

"Now's your chance, Sonic!" Buster thought that this was his ultimate revenge. Her shipping "Charlessica" instead of "Bustessica" and replacing his position to race against Mario with SONIC?! Aw heeeeeeeeell naw! "Kill that Mary-Sue!"

Sonic remembered once again the Spear of Sue. He took it out from nowhere and stared at Purrfect for a moment.

_Did he really want to do this?_

That WAS his son, after all. Yet...he remembered that epic quote he said earlier:

_"...I won't be chained down to anyone or anything...there's too much to explore to be constrained..."_

Hmm. Yeah. He did.

Sonic shoved the spear right through Purrfect, and a quick flash of light came forth as time stood still. Once this light went off, Mario found himself in the Mushroom Kingdom, hoping that they'd cancel the Olympics for some reason. Otacon was back in his office, where he asked Snake to keep giving him long division problems to work out...and he did so perfectly every single time. N was being followed around by his Pokemon...his friends...as he felt stronger than ever. Cloud was wearing a shirt, to the female fangirl's dismay. Jak and Daxter felt like they were in pain, but they weren't all that sure why. And lastly, the Happy Mask Salesman was sitting in his Mask Shop in Castle Town, placing all of his new masks on the selling shelves. Surely people want to turn into lizards, mongooses and fellow mask salesmen, right?

As for Sonic and the gang, they were back where they belonged. The sun was shining, the air was clean, and there wasn't a drug, hormone, or urge of kinky actions in sight. Everyone was back to their normal selves and their normal ages, acting like how they would act as a dedicated Sonic fan would be familiar with. And as for Gerald, Maria and Tikal, they were back in the Canon Cementary, where they were certain to stay.

Purrfect and her apparent son were gone out of the Sonic Team's lives. No more high school. No more romance. No more ridiculous elements to make their lives go awry. Everything was to work the way it should be...

Or so they thought.

Sonic saw an envelope fall from the sky labelled: "TO: Sonic and Co. FROM: BAA". He took a small letter out of the envelope, and he didn't even need to read the rest of the letter to get the gist of it...all he had to do was read the last sentence...

"Oh no..." Sonic groaned. "Oh. GOD. NO!"

His friends stared down at this letter, and they also cringed in disgust. For to their dismay on an undetermined date...

They were to be enrolled into Rainbow Emerald College.

* * *

_**I'd love to thank everyone who has ever given this story a chance, follow, favorite, review, everything. It really means more than you could possibly understand. **__**If you have read this all the way through, you deserve an achievement to be able to handle such randomness. I'm being pretty serious. This got so hard to write, that's how random this story got. Cliches kinda get to your head... **__**So...after four months, it's all over. *sniff* What a touching moment...**_

_**Review if you wish and tell me what you think. Any cliches I could've covered? Favorite/least favorite parts of the story? What could I have done to make it better? Any and all comments are appreciated as they always will be. ;)**_

_**Thank you all for everything. I hope to see you all again soon, but until then, keep calm and eat sushi donuts while playing invisible Pokemon with Solid Snake. :)**_

_**-BAA**_


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